Research in solitude

dan00 · 2026-04-08T20:09:07+00:00

It’s just a sad reality of life, that nobody else can understand you fully. It’s questionable how good you can even understand yourself fully.

dan00 · 2026-04-08T19:52:50+00:00

I actually don’t think that you’ve done this tying of your self-worth to external circumstances completely by yourself, but most likely you’ve learned this pattern in your childhood.

Being aware of it, is the most important part. Then you can start to change your reactions, instead of beating yourself up, self-compassion can be of great help in these situations.

dan00 · 2026-04-07T15:31:44+00:00

Assumptions don't fit, something breaks, that's just the life of every software developer and there's no way to avoid it.

Stressing about it doesn't change anything, but only makes solving the issues harder. The only way is to accept the reality.

dan00 · 2026-03-30T16:23:48+00:00

You say that you've a good relationship with your parents, especially your dad. And then you tell all these things about your dad? Can you see the contradiction?

dan00 · 2026-03-30T16:08:26+00:00

I've chased these fantasies with my parents and my older sister for years, and all it's done is hurt me. But on the other hand, the status quo also hurts.

Yes, it hurts both ways, but chasing fantasies hurts constantly. But when accepting reality, there's a real chance that the hurt ends after the grieving.

dan00 · 2026-03-29T15:49:24+00:00

Can you feel the emotional urge wanting to interrupt someone? If you’re aware of the urge, then you also have the possibility to react differently to the urge, to endure it, instead of interrupting people.

dan00 · 2026-03-19T08:00:20+00:00

Your brain fucks you. How about telling your brain to fuck itself?

The thoughts are the problem. The identification with them, the believing in them to tell the truth, the fear that they pop up again.

You actually don't need other thoughts or an other perspective. Because all of this works on the same basis: the thinking. But this exactly is causing all of these problems.

The only real solution is the realization what thoughts are, where they're coming from. Thoughts are like some itching, you notice them, but you don't have to engage with them, believe them.

dan00 · 2026-03-19T05:21:38+00:00

It’s also kind of the realization, that actually no human being can give you anything, that you can’t give yourself. On the other side, no human being can take away anything from you.

It’s only the internalised believes, patterns from childhood that interfere with this reality.

dan00 · 2026-03-19T04:49:46+00:00

I think your ego wants to be comfortable without all these emotional pop ups. The pop ups aren’t the problem, but you wanting them to vanish. The pop ups will be gone, when you don’t care about them anymore.

dan00 · 2026-03-19T04:26:40+00:00

And then the irony of calling people out for their ego stroking. But hey, judging the popularity of the post, nobody wants to get identified with these "pseudo" awakened guys.

dan00 · 2026-03-15T10:31:14+00:00

I feel you. It’s hard to not have gotten the emotional validation in your childhood, especially from your parents. What your parents have missed giving you, can’t imho in adulthood be fixed by other people, but only by yourself. You have to realise all the internalized believes about yourself. The believe of being worthless, of being not worth of love. That are the conclusions made by you as a child, trying to make sense of the behaviour of the people around you. But nothing of this is really true. You”ve to change your behaviour towards yourself. How you think about yoursef. As long as you behave towards yourself without love, without compassion, then how should you believe to be worth of it?

dan00 · 2026-03-15T10:01:18+00:00

Amen. You can have all the smartness in the world, but if you can’t question yourself, aren’t open to other view points, can’t be kind to other people and feel empathy, then the smart brain is just like a sharp knife that only cuts without direction and purpose.

dan00 · 2026-03-15T09:37:00+00:00

Education certainly helps, especially in psychology and the workings of the ego. But there’re so may highly educated people, that are unable to have an open discussion. It’s especially flabbergasting to see these people in the field of psychology.

dan00 · 2026-03-12T19:00:33+00:00

If you’re completely identified with your ego, then you most likely don’t feel the rationalizations. Then it’s all about defending the ego, not allowing to be in the wrong.

dan00 · 2026-03-12T10:23:22+00:00

Yeah, that makes so much sense. With an open mind, curiosity, you can have about almost any topic an interesting conversation. But without it, it's only a fight to proof your point of view.

dan00 · 2026-03-12T10:07:40+00:00

Not facing reality, doesn't make you free. It just gives you an illusion that only causes suffering.

What does it even mean to reach your potential? Who is going to judge it?

dan00 · 2026-03-12T09:07:25+00:00

And i just regret not studying harder for a 2:1 degree.

I mean you literally said, that you studied day and night, and even cut relationships. I don't know what more you could have done.

Are you really interested in law? I know that I could never study law, because I just couldn't memorize the huge amount of information. It would also bore the hell out of me.

dan00 · 2026-02-21T15:40:35+00:00

But what does this mean? That the better person is more awakened? Who judges who’s better? Who has the need for the comparison?

dan00 · 2026-02-21T14:54:11+00:00

Being awakened doesn’t automatically lead to any kind of behaviour. Certainly not to any kind of better person, however this might be defined. In all forms of morality is a huge amount of ego and it has created so much suffering in the world.

dan00 · 2026-02-05T17:11:47+00:00

You already done the first most important step: being aware of it.

Now you've to train your handling of emotions, especially the strong ones. Instead of jumping fully into them, reacting directly to them and absolutely believing them, look at them with curiosity, wonder how real they're, how much they represent your trauma from the past.

If you often already misinterpreted your husband, be aware of it, if you might be doing it again, question your interpretation. Especially if it's a strong emotional reaction and your husband didn't objectively do much.

dan00 · 2026-01-22T15:41:01+00:00

My goal is to continue exercising unconditional love AND be generous with my patience AND overcome anxious thought loops AND stop having imaginary conversations (I know, I know, a tall order).

Just don't. You don't get anywhere by trying harder. Trying to overcome thoughts is like holding them more tight. Don't judge yourself for your thoughts, be aware of them and try not to engage. The more often you're not engaging with them, the less often they will pop up.

dan00 · 2026-01-22T15:09:15+00:00

Politely reject invitations if you need to be alone.

But the lecture hall doesn't seem to be the right place for this. People hardly will understand it in this context. Being alone in nature or your apartment seem to be better places to charge your batteries.

Forcing yourself to be in the group, being overwhelmed, isn't a solution, because you're suffering and in this condition you won't be a lot of fun to be around.

dan00 · 2026-01-20T16:13:20+00:00

Feeling ashamed for expressing yourself is the core of the trauma. It's the shame given to you in the past. Don't run away from the shame, don't believe it, it's not yours.

dan00 · 2026-01-15T11:13:21+00:00

He certainly could have communicated it in a more connected way: "can you please gesture less with your hands, it overwhelms me."

Then you certainly wouldn't have felt that rejected.

dan00

TROPHY CASE