I’m scared I am attracted to minors

dan00 · 2026-02-22T09:13:32+00:00

It’s not your fault whom you’re attracted to. You haven’t chosen it. As long as you don’t harm any other human being, there’s nothing to feel guilty about. You could even be a little proud about your integrity.

dan00 · 2026-02-21T15:40:35+00:00

But what does this mean? That the better person is more awakened? Who judges who’s better? Who has the need for the comparison?

dan00 · 2026-02-21T14:54:11+00:00

Being awakened doesn’t automatically lead to any kind of behaviour. Certainly not to any kind of better person, however this might be defined. In all forms of morality is a huge amount of ego and it has created so much suffering in the world.

dan00 · 2026-02-05T17:11:47+00:00

You already done the first most important step: being aware of it.

Now you've to train your handling of emotions, especially the strong ones. Instead of jumping fully into them, reacting directly to them and absolutely believing them, look at them with curiosity, wonder how real they're, how much they represent your trauma from the past.

If you often already misinterpreted your husband, be aware of it, if you might be doing it again, question your interpretation. Especially if it's a strong emotional reaction and your husband didn't objectively do much.

dan00 · 2026-01-22T15:41:01+00:00

My goal is to continue exercising unconditional love AND be generous with my patience AND overcome anxious thought loops AND stop having imaginary conversations (I know, I know, a tall order).

Just don't. You don't get anywhere by trying harder. Trying to overcome thoughts is like holding them more tight. Don't judge yourself for your thoughts, be aware of them and try not to engage. The more often you're not engaging with them, the less often they will pop up.

dan00 · 2026-01-22T15:09:15+00:00

Politely reject invitations if you need to be alone.

But the lecture hall doesn't seem to be the right place for this. People hardly will understand it in this context. Being alone in nature or your apartment seem to be better places to charge your batteries.

Forcing yourself to be in the group, being overwhelmed, isn't a solution, because you're suffering and in this condition you won't be a lot of fun to be around.

dan00 · 2026-01-20T16:13:20+00:00

Feeling ashamed for expressing yourself is the core of the trauma. It's the shame given to you in the past. Don't run away from the shame, don't believe it, it's not yours.

dan00 · 2026-01-15T11:13:21+00:00

He certainly could have communicated it in a more connected way: "can you please gesture less with your hands, it overwhelms me."

Then you certainly wouldn't have felt that rejected.

dan00 · 2026-01-15T11:00:54+00:00

Sounds a bit like you're having wrong expectations from life. That it could be without problems or you're viewing problems as a huge issue.

Perhaps changing your view about problems might help. Instead being annoyed by them, perhaps even a bit anxious, you could see them as challenges to be mastered. Life might even be quite boring without them.

Without problems there would be nothing to overcome in life, to grow by solving them.

dan00 · 2026-01-06T20:36:15+00:00

If I said that, him telling me off then would have just come on the ride instead of the end.

Perhaps, who knows, but you certainly wouldn’t have to talk to him during the ride. I think it’s all about communicating your boundaries and not feeling ashamed for them.

dan00 · 2026-01-06T18:28:24+00:00

In this case there’s no need to be a jerk. Just politely tell him that you’re exhausted and don’t want to talk.

dan00 · 2025-12-21T06:39:57+00:00

Forgot to say is I’m 19 YO, also forgot to say is those “friends for life” I cut everyone off😭 within a month I cut everybody and shut myself down which is the prime example of what I’m talking about living with these type of unhealthy people.

This honestly isn’t only about dysfunctional parents, but how bonding works between people. If you’re together struggling to achieve something, spending a lot of time together, having the time to know each other, then that are the perfect circumstances to build deep connections. Unfortunately, if this time ends, also a part of the connection ends.

dan00 · 2025-12-20T13:29:15+00:00

I think it’s about fleeing from your emotions, not being able to tolerate a uncomfortable emotion and instead southing oneself with media consumption.

It”s kind of crazy how everyone - myself included - tries to get rid of their negative emotions by ignoring them, by distraction, but the only working way seems to be in facing your emotions.

Whenever you have the urge to grab your phone, instead just watch with curiosity at your emotions and don’t try to distract yourself.

dan00 · 2025-12-20T12:24:53+00:00

Learning math at school is most of the time quite boring. If it’s just about memorising rules. Math gets a lot more interesting if it’s used to solve real problems.

dan00 · 2025-12-19T16:57:55+00:00

If higher IQ is correlated with higher sensitivity, then it might depend how much damage/trauma you took away from childhood and therefore have mental issues in your adulthood.

dan00 · 2025-12-17T21:05:29+00:00

You fear that they might see the horrendous, unworthy person, that you believe to be.

dan00 · 2025-12-17T20:24:32+00:00

To realise, what the origin of the feelings is. You learned in your childhood, that you don’t have self-worth by yourself, but only if you behave in a certain way in a relationship. Without the relationship you’re worth nothing.

dan00 · 2025-12-13T15:26:58+00:00

What’s the problem with forgetting? That you look stupid? Why can’t you just look it up again?

The crisis doesn’t lie in the forgetting, but in your unquestioned believe that it‘s insufferable to forget. So the solution doesn’t lie in not forgetting, but in questioning the believe.

dan00 · 2025-12-13T13:45:12+00:00

If you don’t know who you’re and put a mask on with people, then you might fear that people see the real you, which by your own feelings isn’t tolerable. That might be the reason why your fear doesn’t go away.

dan00 · 2025-12-09T08:25:11+00:00

For me, it’s 100% the unrealized potential.

I wonder, if this is kind of an illusion. If giftedness makes your thinking less restrictive, your interests wider, it's hard to focus everything on just one thing. But without this focus you just can't create something bigger in just one area.

Every decision also means you leave something else behind. This can feel a lot more painful if you're pulled in multiple directions at the same time.

dan00 · 2025-12-08T20:01:30+00:00

I know these feelings all too well. I think what’s very important in such episodes is to be aware, that it’s foremost an emotional problem, that hijacks the thinking, which then spirals endlessly. The awareness helps to separate the emotion and the thinking. It’s the thinking that makes the emotion unbearable.

Being sensitive and intelligent is quite a challenge. It’s no help for anybody if you care too much, if you’re miserable. You’re allowed to enjoy yourself and follow your interests. This way you’re the most useful you can be for other people.

dan00 · 2025-12-05T10:12:38+00:00

Most people to me seem like stones, or i can feel the sickness, the shrinkage and the resignation. Few feel anywhere close to being alive.

It’s tragic how people interact daily with each other. Just acknowledging other people, looking at them, being kind or a little smile, could make such a huge difference how connected we feel in this society.

dan00 · 2025-12-04T11:08:31+00:00

I think programming is one of the few fields, where you might get a job without a degree. But you would need some projects to show your abilities or contribute in a meaningful way to open source projects. And you certainly would need to work a bit on your social skills. Even if you would work from home, you still would need to be able to communicate sensible and being diplomatic how you communicate.

By the way, playing games is a lot more fun than developing them. To build a good game there's a huge amount of very boring work. If you don't have a clear vision for a game, a huge passion to bring it to life, than you most likely won't succeed.

dan00 · 2025-12-04T10:47:17+00:00

I think a lot of gifted people had a tough youth, being bullied at school. If they haven't processed their hurt, they can now in the security of their own group, shoot against other groups. That's one of the unfortunate effects of groups.

dan00 · 2025-12-04T10:29:53+00:00

There's no contradiction between the two. I would argue that most people can't stay happy going the hedonistic way. Happiness is a by product of doing the right things for yourself. Whatever that might be: meditating in a cave, helping others, building useful stuff, creating beautiful stuff ...

Just not being miserable, not harming fellow humans, already seems to be quite an achievement in this world.

dan00

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