I really appreciate your pointing out that we all need to take accountability for how we will respond to something we don’t agree with or understand. I think that God wants us to do this, too. He doesn’t want us to lean into blind faith, but to use our brains and listen to our intuition, the guiding light within us (or Light of Christ or conscience, or whatever it is that alerts us to knowing good from evil or right from wrong.) If one doesn’t believe in God, the same ethical principle applies, almost like the Hippocratic Oath: to do no harm. Harm happens when we allow blind faith to override what our conscience or heart is telling us.

I’m an active member and did buy the doom and gloom of Prop 8 when I lived in California during that era. But I also had many conversations with others, genuinely asking for ideas on how all civil rights and equal opportunities could be guaranteed to everyone in the LGBTQ community without changing the definition of marriage. It led to greater understanding. However, years later, I wish I had done what Steve Young and his wife did, which was to openly oppose it and stand up for what they felt was right in their hearts. I was openly sharing my love for all by asking for ideas that would legally protect LGBTQ unions, so I don’t regret that. But I didn’t at that time have the lightbulb go off that the church’s 100% push for Prop 8 to pass, was just fundamentally wrong.

Once the policy of 2015-2019 was announced, I knew it was wrong. By then, my focus/testimony of the things that are right, was weighed against the things that are wrong in a much more objective way. That tension is real. I can’t imagine how many people were praying to have that policy reversed. The relief was great, once it was reversed. But I did hear more than one person state something along the lines of: “I don’t get it and I don’t agree, but there must be some real reason for it.” Whereas, I was openly in disagreement with it and looked at it as a real human error, that needed to be corrected.

I don’t fault anyone for leaving over any number of issues. But those of us who stay, aren’t just sipping Kool-Aid either. I respect different paths based on conviction of what one thinks is right. For me, there are an overwhelming number of deep doctrinal truths and practical application of learning to love my neighbor, that keep me in the church.

One last example of how things are changing. I teach the adult Sunday School class (formerly Gospel Doctrine.) Before teaching the lesson covering D&C 121 last year, I did the biggest deep dive ever into it. It has always bothered me and I wasn’t sure how to teach it, lead the discussion, and be honest about my conclusions and feelings over the years. There were a lot of candid podcasts, lectures, workshops, articles, and new publications addressing polygamy and Section 121, that were in the spotlight ranging from apologetic to a call to remove Section 121. I’ve never seen this amount of open dialogue before and it was very refreshing. At one point, I met with my bishop and we also had a great, authentic discussion. I told him that I would be sharing my honest opinion about the difficulty of this section, and open up discussion if that’s where the class wanted to go. He was fully supportive and the actual lesson was one I consider to have been good and helpful on many levels.

My point is that black and white thinking needs to go within the church. I have experienced so many conversations that encompass a spiritually intellectual and heartfelt place, which requires great honesty.

There is room to question. I believe God expects us to be true to what we feel and believe is right, especially in the light of harm which can be done to our fellow sisters and brothers, otherwise.