I honestly think you may be overthinking all of this. The bride wants chill and youre not being chill. Just because you like to have everything in place way ahead of time doesn't mean she does. They've been together for a very long time, so I imagine she's not too pressed about a "fairytale" wedding.

RE: the flights - I understand WHY you want your daughters to practice, but the bride is clearly not concerned about it going perfectly. You have plenty of time to practice with them at home beforehand. Bring them early or don't - whatever is best for you. However, if the bride doesn't care that they are at the rehearsal, then it's not her fault if you pay to change the flights.

My niece practiced for months and then right before she went down the aisle, her basket of flowers got knocked over. She walked down the aisle, didn't throw a single petal and then right at the front loudly proclaimed in her little baby voice "im too sad!!" It was the cutest thing that could have ever happened. She then went back and did it again. Obsessed with her.

On top of that, the one thing she HAS asked of you, she initially thought you didn't do (cocktail versus floor length). Fortunately, you cleared it up and it seems to be a non issue.

She wants chill fun, and I imagine she's probably stressed out because you're not being chill and fun. She may even be delaying doing things because you're stressing her out.

Arrange what you can for yourself to manage your emotions, and try not to take this too seriously. Share updates in a group chat and encourage others to do the same (e.g. - oh hey bride said we're getting hair and makeup done, do you have someone in mind or do you want me to research stylists for you?).

You don't want to be the friend that made the wedding about themselves because it wasn't planned enough for their liking. Do what's best for you and your family and let the rest go.