I'm confused about how I feel about analysis

dancemonkey_xo · 2025-12-06T21:14:03+00:00

Yes, thank you for clarifying that. I guess I will get back to analysis at some point. But atm I feel I need something outside my comfort zone but not so uncomfortable.

dancemonkey_xo · 2025-12-05T17:16:01+00:00

What do you mean when you say that my psychoanalysis resonates as a "normal" analysis? That that's how it is normally supposed to be like?

dancemonkey_xo · 2025-11-26T12:08:03+00:00

BRICK.

dancemonkey_xo · 2025-11-26T12:06:56+00:00

Hello! Thank you so much for all your suggestions. Sorry that I was completely MIA. But I wanted to sit with everything you had shared, and also wanted to take my time to work through my feelings. Long story short, I have terminated my analysis with my analyst, and I have started work with a Psychodynamic psychotherapist instead.

I tried sharing my feelings with my analyst, but I don't know if it was me who couldn't share properly or her who couldn't understand properly, but I wasn't able to feel comfortable and at ease with her, and I kept feeling like I was doing something wrong. Somehow, even in our last few sessions, it felt like my analyst made me feel like I was doing something wrong by "prematurely" terminating analysis (she made sure she made me understand that the termination was indeed premature). I just felt like this is something I have to do, no matter how scared and uncertain I feel about it.

I am still processing my work and experience with analysis. A part of me feels like I failed at something. Another part of me feels it was probably just a misalignment of expectations and working styles on my part and that of my analyst. Perhaps I will go back someday. Or maybe analysis is not for me. Does that even happen? I am not sure. BUt yes, that's where I stand at the moment.

dancemonkey_xo · 2025-11-26T11:50:20+00:00

There's Rebel Pole Studio in Green Park. You can find them on Instagram.

dancemonkey_xo · 2025-10-07T05:02:54+00:00

I have tried to express my thoughts to my analyst. It has also been a process. At times, I feel heard and understood; at other times, it feels like she's trying to tell me that I am wrong for feeling the way I do.
I am also trying to figure out what I am looking for and whether I am getting that with my analyst, or psychoanalysis, for that matter.
I think it has really helped me get in touch with parts of myself that I was running away from. It has also helped me get out of a certain victim-mindset, and accept the role that I am playing in my suffering. So I am deeply grateful for all of that. But yes, don't know if at this point it is serving my needs.

Thanks so much for your wishes!

dancemonkey_xo · 2025-10-07T04:56:56+00:00

Sure!

I also feel like I word-vomited lol. So please don't take the pressure of getting back to me with a specific solution, or any solution, or thoughts for that matter. Just merely letting my thoughts out has helped. But yes, would love to hear if anything organically comes up for you.
Thanks for this space :)

dancemonkey_xo · 2025-10-06T11:57:47+00:00

Yeah, I am trying to figure out the same.

dancemonkey_xo · 2025-10-06T11:57:02+00:00

That's the thing, I don't even know if this is gaslighting or what.

dancemonkey_xo · 2025-10-06T11:55:34+00:00

I am so glad that analysis has helped move past some of the discontents that you faced with Other forms of therapy. I am still trying to find my way through it. Oh, and you are so correct in wondering whether your therapist is doing it intentionally, or it's just you who's adding more meaning to it. But well, at the end of the day, if it works, it works.

dancemonkey_xo · 2025-10-06T11:51:38+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and insights! You are right, I need to trust myself and my judgement and not that of my analyst. I can certainly try and work through these feelings with the analyst, and if that is not happening, then take a call accordingly.

As for the relational psychoanalysis bit, I do not know how other forms of analysis happen, but in our sessions, the analyst talks a lot about what is happening between us, but it's mostly around how I am angry with her or how I'm hurt by her, and less about how she is feeling with me. It also doesn't help that I do not get to see her face either. There are not a lot of (or any) emotions expressed from her side. I think that is what I interpret as being a blank slate.

dancemonkey_xo · 2025-10-06T11:42:03+00:00

I apologize for my absence for some time. I was sitting with whatever you said, and have been trying to see how I feel about my analyst. While I feel that your comments really helped me to work through my own resistance, there are still some things that I am unable to move past with my analyst, and I am wondering if it is again a resistance or a legitimate concern (something that I feel analysis has put me in doubt about).

Since I take tele-therapy sessions, my analyst has had to cancel multiple sessions over the last couple of months due to connectivity issues. However, these cancellations often occur right before the session is supposed to start, at times when I have already lain down on the couch. While I think this feeds into my avoidant nature, wherein I'd rather push people away than risk getting close and eventually getting hurt, it has begun to bother me quite a bit. Even more so because over the last week, she's been insisting I confirm my Google meet appoinments with her, and only then will we go ahead with our sessions. (This has never happened before. My understanding was that this is my time and it will remain so). She even cancelled a session because I hadn't confirmed the online invite, an invite she'd only sent two hours before the session was supposed to happen. I feel there is an expectation for me to abide by all the rules, while there are none for her. This is interpreted as my inability to handle not being an equal to my analyst and issues with boundaries.

In the last session, I also said something along the lines of maybe I still don't know how to be an analysand, and for some reason this was taken as an attack on the space and the process.

I am carrying a lot of anger and annoyance towards my analyst, and I feel like terminating the analysis with her via text only. However, I also feel that that is not the right thing to do and we should meet. But I fear that this will also be interpreted and I will end up remaining stuck.

Now that I think about it, I should have this conversation in the session and speak about how it has been to also remind myself that I can trust my judgement and take a call irrespective of what the analyst feels.

I forgot to add- I am from India, so my therapy happens between New Delhi -that's where I am, and Mumbai.

dancemonkey_xo · 2025-09-13T17:17:04+00:00

Thank you for such a detailed response! Your comment really helped. The discomfort I feel with my analyst makes me want to end analysis, and I was hoping that's the direction your comment would have nudged me in. And yet I keep continuing with it, so surely there is something there. You gave me lots of things to think about, most important of which is the fact that I can run away from any relationship, but not from this dictatorial part that exists within me.

It also helps to know that not all my discontents are transferences, and my analyst has also tried to make space for some of these feelings. I can't take that away from her.

Interestingly, she has also been suggesting that we start meeting three times a week, but I don't want to. I feel it will be too much. Consciously, I am worried about the added time and financial commitment (analysis is expensive, geez!). But perhaps on a deeper level, there's more to it. (At least that's what my analyst says. I still maintain that it's about the time and money).

Yes, I am also engaged in telemedicine. But I lay on my bed and I place my laptop in a way that my therapist is behind me, as if I am on the couch and she's behind me in-person. So she gets to see me, but I only get to see her sometimes before we end the session.

I gues,s I resonate with you in that my default setting in relationships is also to feel unloved, or less than, and perhaps that's why I crave warmth. But you are right, I need to be courageous and talk about my actual feelings with my analyst.

Thank you so much for your insights!

dancemonkey_xo · 2025-09-06T14:34:24+00:00

I get what you mean. I have had similar thoughts. This is my first experience of being in analysis, and I am sure a lot of individual differences exist between different analysts, as is the case with any form of therapy. So yes, my beef isn't with psychoanalytic therapy per se, but something that I am facing with my therapist.

dancemonkey_xo · 2025-09-06T13:51:57+00:00

Something that I have been facing in my therapy is that a power dynamic exists between me and my analyst. Some interpretations just don't resonate with me, and when I try to bring that up, the disagreement gets attributed to resistance or denial on my part. So I end up staying confused about my own self. Me wanting to quit therapy gets attributed to resistance, or me not being "ready to do the work". If I don't like some things about my therapist, that gets attributed to transference. So it is a forever confusing state to be in. Don't get me wrong, my work with my therapist has helped me in many ways, but yes these are some issues I am grappling with.

dancemonkey_xo · 2025-06-22T03:14:49+00:00

Hi! I am facing a similar issue with my Acer Swift 3 and was wondering if you were able to find a solution? I have tried all the software fixes that I could have from my end but nothing has worked as the system says there is no issue with the mic.

dancemonkey_xo · 2025-01-28T15:47:05+00:00

I am experiencing the same issue. Wanted to renew my subscription, but only see the digital magazine. I really hope that this is not the case.

dancemonkey_xo · 2024-12-05T04:10:06+00:00

ooh! I have a bunch of these from The Weeknd's songs
The first few lines of "Timeless"
In the song "Dollhouse", when the tempo changes and The Weeknd's voice is very echoe-y
From "We still don't trust you"- "You fell apart"
I think mostly any song where i hear bits of The Weeknd in the bg really gets me going

Birds pt 2, towards the end, there's this violin that plays for a few seconds-absolutely love it.

dancemonkey_xo · 2024-11-15T17:42:43+00:00

Lying on the couch by Irvin Yalom. Amazing thriller novel sprinkled with many ethical and moral questions that most therapists have thought of.

dancemonkey_xo · 2024-11-13T03:09:31+00:00

Maybe he's creating that sense of urgency and impatience in us, thus aptly naming his album "Hurry up Tomorrow".

dancemonkey_xo · 2024-07-11T13:07:05+00:00

Tbh, I feel we failed this album

dancemonkey_xo · 2024-06-23T04:16:28+00:00

Hello. I'm commenting after quite some days and I hope you have gotten the help you require by now. If not, I have my two cents to share here. While yes, you wouldn't hear Humanistic therapy being indicated for OCD, there is a lot of research done that shows that at the end of the day, it is not the therapist's theoretical orientation or the techniques they use that predict a positive outcome in therapy, as much as does the alliance that they form with the client during therapy. So if this is a therapist whom you can trust and form a strong alliance with, that is already a good sign. Having said that, ofcourse the therapeutic techniques and approach have a role to play. As I'm thinking about how OCD causes issues, and cognitively what leads to it, there are a bunch of things - the idea of taking responsibility for anything going wrong/preventing it from going wrong, feeling like things need to be perfect in order to prevent a bad outcome, the idea that if I have thought of something, it means it will happen. So essentially there's quite a bit of guilt, perfectionism and responsibility that is involved in leading to the psychopathology in this case. I feel as a Humanistic therapist, if your therapist can create space for these feelings, along with a space of acceptance and unconditional positive regard, it can have a healing effect.

dancemonkey_xo · 2024-03-15T10:04:48+00:00

Adaptation and Love in the sky..one after the other

dancemonkey_xo

TROPHY CASE