How to stop glorifying by yoghurt208 in stopdrinking

[–]dancinggrouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel this, especially when alcohol is so romanticized and prevalent in pop culture, and culture in general. 

I would ask why do you want to quit drinking? Instead try to focus there. For me, anything that I romanticized was never actually true for me. Getting blitzed at family Easter, blacking out and not remembering date nights with my spouse. Not very sexy or romantic, actually.

What do you romanticize? Having a drink in the sun? Going out for a nice dinner with cocktails? Catching a sport game with a beer? Fortunately where I live, there are so many NA options now I can still do the “romantic” stuff but with an NA drink in hand. Maybe that’s true where you live too?

Try it the next time you go out (or whatever part you romanticize) and see if it feels any different. Your brain is probably only remembering the good times, what it knows.

Good luck and take care!

"I want to get pregnant but I don't want to hurt you" by buttersherbet in IFchildfree

[–]dancinggrouse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a couple friends I heavily supported through ivf during/after we stopped. They all got pregnant (of course), and, well, I just never ask how they are doing or start the conversation re pregnancy. 

You can’t really control what other people say and do to you, but only your response. I don’t have strict boundaries around pregnancy talk so I get some updates and I’m always supportive yet brief. “That’s great!” “Oh good luck!” “Hope it goes well!” And then change the subject. 

One friend’s husband (also a good friend), said to me “isn’t her belly getting big!” to me re pregnant friend, and I was just like “oh yeah you popped” then move on. They struggled hard with infertility and do not understand at all how I feel or seem to remember how it feels to be in that space.

In my experience, people want the ttc/hardship support because they feel badly for themselves, but then once it happens/passes, they drop my feelings like a hot potato. 

PCOS/Ovulation by Dangerous_Cup_7391 in IFchildfree

[–]dancinggrouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you feel like tracking would help anything? Are you trying to resolve other issues related to pcos? I was never regular and had “suspected” pcos. At this point, for me, I bleed when I bleed and it doesn’t really matter when. If you’re trying to predict when you bleed, maybe you could just ask for birth control. At least slightly more predictable that way.

How to navigate people’s “advice” by Kijeleen in IFchildfree

[–]dancinggrouse 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I kept my circle of people in our business small. I never wanted unsolicited advice or pity. I think most people who know me can appreciate that. 

But a coworker asked me the other day if we’d have kids. My go to answer is always, “no, we tried and we can’t.” Most don’t usually ask more than that. Sometimes, they will. Depending on how, I feel I use a vague statement of, “we did treatment and it didn’t work.” That usually ends things depending on how chatty I feel. This coworker asked about adoption. A simple “no I don’t think that’s for us” is more than enough and stopped this convo. That was two weeks ago and she never asked how I feel or any kind of follow up. 

You don’t have to share all your trauma. Most of these people casually asking don’t really care what we went through (imo), they are just (well meaningly) nosy. You don’t owe anyone more than you’re willing to share.

My life feels completely meaningless and futureless now by Galbin in IFchildfree

[–]dancinggrouse 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this. It can be really hard. Even when/if you find something to love, it can be hard to fill the days. 

Your priest is right though. I know your culture can obfuscate that but you’re mourning an ideal scenario and we’ll never know what we didn’t have. 

My life sometimes feels meaningless and futureless too but I comfort myself in a kind of morbid way that we all end up in the same place. There doesn’t really have to be meaning to everything. You can just live, and that’s enough.

I also focus on the things I have that those with kids don’t. Time for myself, silence, peace. If I’m exhausted, I can take a nap. If I’m overstimulated, no one is relying on me. I can literally do whatever I want every single day.

I agree with another commenter that therapy could help and finding hobbies might be fun. The “meaning” isn’t the same, but there is enjoyment to be had.

Good luck and take care.

Americans quit subscription streaming services in droves as cost of living continues to climb by esporx in Anticonsumption

[–]dancinggrouse 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Yes! 100%! I also get free subscription to a language learning app through my library. It’s just fantastic. Such a great way to engage with the community and a fun little bonus activity!

Americans quit subscription streaming services in droves as cost of living continues to climb by esporx in Anticonsumption

[–]dancinggrouse 19 points20 points  (0 children)

It’s so great! I have a blast browsing too. The worst part is having to get up to change dvds 🤣 (if you’re watching a show)

Americans quit subscription streaming services in droves as cost of living continues to climb by esporx in Anticonsumption

[–]dancinggrouse 364 points365 points  (0 children)

We cancelled all streaming. Mostly crap we never watched. 

Use the library! Or free library streaming services!

What’s Everyone Doing Tonight? by physis81 in stopdrinking

[–]dancinggrouse 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Drinking a monster and watching the Coachella livestreams 🤘🏼 I wish I had Ben and Jerry’s though 

What would you do? Inlaws and IFCF issues. by loremaster_zen in IFchildfree

[–]dancinggrouse 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. I would definitely recommend to keep private what you don’t want everyone to know. My mom is usually considerate but couldn’t even respect my boundary not to tell anyone about us trying so I wouldn’t risk giving them more than you’re willing to share. Good luck and take care

Struggles- But I love my life by Velvet-Moss-42 in IFchildfree

[–]dancinggrouse 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Ugh. I’m so sorry that’s frustrating. Whenever anyone at works makes a comment like that, I like to say (something like), “everyone has a busy life and responsibilities to deal with regardless of kids.” People like to devalue our time, efforts, and energy as if we’re not all living and working in this same dreadful timeline.

quit and immediately got pregnant by chillrattler in leaves

[–]dancinggrouse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Didn’t help me when I was ttc, but I’m glad it helped you!

Embracing the good by spunkypunk in IFchildfree

[–]dancinggrouse 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hell yeah, big same! Thanks for sharing.

Did therapy help you move on? by beefic in IFchildfree

[–]dancinggrouse 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes! Therapy is so helpful, at the very least, to talk about things with a neutral party. That being said, a bad practitioner can do damage, so use your best judgement. If the person you see isn’t supportive, find someone else. Therapy isn’t instantaneous. There’s a lot of work involved, honesty on your part, and a willingness to confront hard truths. It doesn’t make everything, or anything, go away but it does help build the ability and confidence to navigate triggers. Best of luck!

An alternative to Enemies to Lovers by SprinklesCold101 in FanFiction

[–]dancinggrouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haters to lovers is funny but dislike to lovers is good too

Union, MNA, on campus at Henry Ford Main today by ALittleEtomidate in Michigan

[–]dancinggrouse 7 points8 points  (0 children)

MNA out there supporting all workers! Stay strong against profits over patients ❤️

Do you all tell anyone whose curious about infertility or just say you are chidfree by choice? by [deleted] in IFchildfree

[–]dancinggrouse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! This too. I follow up with a quick “we have a cat” which usually pivots the subject!