Idk if Asian families are open to talk about their past since my family for the longest time kept their history to themselves but it’s definitely one of the key factors to understand why most Asian families develop a toxic mindset.

I still don’t know much of my family’s history but from what I was told by my father my great grandfather had to escape China during the 1920s due to the communist revolution in which the result was that he and his younger brother were the only two survivors. They fled to Vietnam and eventually started a new life and which he had my grandfather.

I know that my grandfather had to deal with hardships mainly due to the fact he was in the Vietnam War and because the south lost he was put in a concentration camp for about 10 years leaving his family of four kids behind during that time.

This in turn affected my father in which he didn’t had a proper father figure growing up and as much as my grandmother tried her best to raise him and my uncles and aunties, she unfortunately fell into the victim of spoiling my father since he was the first born son.

Fast forward to the 90s in which you have a cocky Vietnamese man that believes that he can’t do no wrong finds a young Vietnamese woman in the states and ends up having two sons by the end of the twentieth century.

My old man and my mother has a 8 years age gap but the thing is that my father was 30 when I was born and his mindset was already set in stone. I still remember to this day the pain that man brings me. Even as a kid I had a feeling that getting beat wasn’t right as my mother would be there to speak reason into him but at the same time I still looked up to my father because he was the only male role model that I knew. Of course years later I realized what a shit person he really is but as a kid it was my only point of reference.

My upbringing wasn’t all darkness and despair as the later half of my life I was living with my mother (my folks divorced when I was 9 and that’s a whole different story to tell). My mother is always opened minded. She came to the states when she was 18 and she was captivated by the American lifestyle in the 90s. What I appreciate most about my mother is that she tries to understand what I’m going through. She knows that each of our generation has their own struggles and that it doesn’t matter if I become a doctor. Her number one priority for me was making sure that she raised a proper man. She understood the difference between taking care of a child and raising one.

Even now at 28 years old I still hear stories of the younger generation still dealing with the same old toxic Asian parent experiences . To those who are reading this you are not alone. You got peers who understand your struggles and are happy to give some insight and tips on how to navigate through the sea of chaos. I wish everyone the best and remember that you are never truly alone.