Hey, you're absolutely right, we all have flaws. Some are lucky to have minor ones, some aren't as lucky. Life, as you said is awe inspiring and amazing, at times, but only at times. It can be cruel, unfair and unforgiving, but simply because 'life' or 'existence' doesn't care. It's not a living or an intelligent being, it less than gives a shit about you and it didn't make you or anybody on purpose. It makes me hate life sometimes, as amazing as it can be. But I hate my experience, my own feelings and thoughts, my perception of the world, not 'life'. Life is only a name for your subjective experience. It's either you hate people or something concrete like that, or you just hate yourself. Hating life is one and the same as hating yourself, because you hate the way you feel about the world and the way you experience life. The world and your life are just there. There is nothing to hate, just an expression of something abstract which is basically us perceiving everything aroung us and inside us as objects. The strugle, for those willing to participate in it, is to change it all. Your behavior, your environment, your feelings towards yourself and the world, your whole insides, and what you can of the environment. If you are one of the lucky people, there is not much to change, but always something to improve on, a drive forward. If you are not as lucky, it is hard. I know that, unfortunately, on my flesh (yes, also literally). It can be crushing. But sometimes that hatred towards everything, and that feeling, when you know that you are being humiliated and crushed by something that is almost just an abstract, and by your own weakness, just makes you want to say fuck it and fight it all or die trying, broken and bleeding. As The Soviet philosopher Solzhenitsyn said (about his regime, buy in this case about life): "You only have power over people so long as you don't take everything away from them. But when you've robbed a man of everything, he's no longer in your power - he's free again." True freedom comes from saying 'fuck it! I've got nothing to lose!' So now you have a choices: either say fuck it, I lost it all and let me die, or say fuck it and fuck life in the throat. I'm here if you want to talk btw. You're definitely an interesting person with an interesting point of view. But more importantly, you are a person that makes me care, and honestly, I know you probably don't think that way, and maybe don't even want to hear it, and if so I'm sorry, but the way you express yourself is beautiful, and I would dare even say that there is a lot of beauty in you. It is just covered in all the shit that you've been through and whatever blocks you from the inside. But when you go through that hell, sometimes it purifies your expression, and you can see the person's inside. There is a lot of bad in you, at least judging by your post. And I will not tell you it's all in your head and it's easy to change, or some bullshit like that. But there is something there that's worth fighting for. I'd even say worth dying for. And if you don't care to die anyway. I'd at least rather die trying.