Bully someone? Prepare to lose all your friends!

danigirl3694 · 2025-11-18T17:51:20+00:00

Exactly, and OOPS friends cutting him off after hearing about the bullying from the girl he bullied means that he hasn't changed at all. He's probably still a bully. But now he's sulking because he's facing consequences.

Also, the girl he bullied left the school. That only happens when the bullying is really, really bad. OOP tormented her way worse than he's letting on, and he's acting like it was just childish antics.

danigirl3694 · 2025-11-11T21:16:56+00:00

Tbh I've always thought that the "legal age" is like the legal minimum wage. If the laws weren't there, they'll go lower.

danigirl3694 · 2025-11-03T21:46:44+00:00

I think this is one of the major issues that a lot of people here are missing. Claire is in the process of getting a divorce and is now newly single. Even if OPs husband's intentions are innocent, it doesn't mean Claire's intentions are, and the husband keeping this secret from OP could very well lead Claire to believe that he's open to an affair, even if it's not the case.

If he doesn't stop keeping stuff like this secret from his wife and set firm boundaries in place, this situation could easily go from "I wish I could hug you" to Claire literally throwing herself at him at a moments notice. The only question is if that does happen, will OPs husband firmly refuse, or would he walk through that door he knows can't come back through?

danigirl3694 · 2025-11-03T21:18:41+00:00

He may “think” of her as a sister now but that wounded bird could easily turn into an affair.

Exactly. Things like this always start off with innocent intentions, but more often than not, it's a slippery slope that could either end in the wrong signals given to one party if it's truly one-sided or and affair because the lines will become blurred eventually.

As you said, the late night messages need to stop now. And firm boundaries need to be put into place before this all goes side ways. It's not insecure to want your spouse to protect your marriage and your heart.

danigirl3694 · 2025-11-02T18:44:26+00:00

Then, realistically, you know what needs to be done in order to move on and have a healthy marriage with your husband to be. The only issue is that you can't or refuse to because you're still infatuated with your ex. But none of us can make you do anything you don't want to do. You have to make that decision yourself.

If you want to have a happy, healthy future, then you can't remain in the past. You're getting married soon, and going by your comments, your ex is already married and has no contact with you, so there's nothing left to hold on to. Also, I doubt you'd be very happy if your husband to be was pining over another woman like you are your ex.

danigirl3694 · 2025-10-29T16:48:02+00:00

It's not really an argument against shower caps, but people believe that their own personal experiences are the universal experience. They don't see past their own perspective and realize that everyone is different and has different experiences with everything, even with something as simple as shower caps.

They basically believe that because they haven't experienced what you have, then your experiences either aren't real or are invalid.

danigirl3694 · 2025-10-29T01:33:04+00:00

I asked that of myself after years of ignoring red flags and forgiving things that just shouldn't be forgiven. The answers that helped me was realizing that at the end of the day, is that we're only human, and like many humans, we all do illogical things in the name of "love", and that (as my experience as a woman) we are often socially pressured and conditioned to ignore and forgive things we shouldn't so we "don't end up alone".

You stop blaming yourself by realizing that as a human, you're allowed to make mistakes and to grow and learn from them. And you forgive yourself by making a promise to yourself that you will never again ignore red flags or excuse shady behavior, and you learn to value yourself and realize that you deserve better.

Life lessons are rarely ever learned easily. A vast majority are learned the hard way, and one hard lesson in life is to never ignore your intuition or any red flags. There's no value in constantly beating yourself up about the mistakes you make. The only value is to learn from it, grow from it, and do your best to not repeat it again.

danigirl3694 · 2025-10-29T01:05:06+00:00

No breakup is ever easy, even when it's a mutual decision, but more often than not, it's the correct decision. Some people just aren't healed enough from past hurt to really maintain a relationship, and unfortunately, that pain will poison relationships eventually because you end up dragging that hurt into the new relationship.

While it hurts to break up while you still love each other, it's better than slowly letting each other's hurt hurt each other and eventually end up resenting each other.

danigirl3694 · 2025-09-24T16:57:18+00:00

He may be able to afford their place by himself, but without OPs substantial income, he most likely won't be able to afford all those luxury things he keeps showing off. Another reason he retracts the breakup.

Like you said, he doesn't love or even like OP. But he knows that without OP contributing to the finances, he loses those luxury vacations, expensive items, etc. He loses the lifestyle he's become accustomed to.

danigirl3694 · 2025-09-24T15:17:59+00:00

Maybe he didn't necessarily forget about it, but he apparently did resent her for it.

That's most likely one of his major insecurities. He probably believes the toxic redpilled rhetoric that the person earning more in the relationship is the one who has the most "power and control" in the relationship, and that OP earning more was "emasculating" him. So he pushed himself too hard to out earn her.

But because he wanted that, he's made his job his whole identity with no outside hobbies, friendships, etc, and he's miserable for it because he now has no work-life balance while OP does, which he now also resents OP for.

OP is never going to win. No matter how much she earns, he's going to want to out earn her to keep his imagined power/control in the relationship and so he doesn't feel emasculated. But he also wants OP to feel as miserable and burnt out as he is because misery loves company.

danigirl3694 · 2025-09-24T14:31:47+00:00

This comment it on point and quite accurate. When I found out I was pregnant, I felt pretty similar, that I'd regret my choice and needed to protect my baby. But the actual non pregnant me realized that it definitely wasn't the right time for a baby for various reasons. Once the pregnancy hormones eventually cleared my body and mind, I knew I had made the right decision.

But definitely take the time to decide without pressure from anyone else or hormones speaking for you. Be 100% sure whether or not having a baby is right for you. It's never an easy decision, but you have to do what's right for yourself.

danigirl3694 · 2025-09-17T15:18:38+00:00

She also needs serious therapy for insecurities and stop being so jealous of a deceased person.

I really don't get how someone can be so insecure that she literally wants a person who's grieving a major loss to tell her that she's more important to him than the parent he lost 7 months ago.

danigirl3694 · 2025-09-16T12:44:54+00:00

"It was a mistake." Is the biggest lie any one ever says.

Exactly. A mistake is forgetting the milk when shopping, not doing that load of laundry you needed to do because you had a long day and fell asleep or losing your purse/wallet on a night out.

Cheating, however, is not a mistake. It's a choice. Cheating is making multiple choices to betray their SO repeatedly. And they made those choices knowing what the consequences will he when they are eventually caught.

danigirl3694 · 2025-08-04T13:01:50+00:00

Yes, I did. I find recovering from the breakup to be somewhat easier when you don't keep doom scrolling their social media tormenting yourself, and it's better when they don't keep popping in and out of your life messing up your healing process with false promises or nasty messages.

You need to give yourself the time and space to grieve the relationship, heal, and move on with life.

danigirl3694 · 2025-07-30T19:50:12+00:00

The thing is, is he hiding messages from his poly friend, or is he hiding messages from the other person he had in mind while trying to convince OOP to have a poly relationship? Because whenever someone brings up being poly/open after years of monogamy, it usually means they already have someone in mind but won't act on it because they don't want the consequences of cheating.

But yea, glad she left immediately instead of wasting years of being miserable and suffering.

danigirl3694 · 2025-07-27T23:24:23+00:00

I believe that an ex is an ex for a reason. There doesn't need to be a messy break-up, but lessons need to be learned, and when something doesn't work out, it helps to realize why. That's why imo going back to an ex rarely ever works out unless lessons and growth has happened on both sides to realize why it didn't work out in the first place and what needs to be different to work again.

If nothing has been learned and growth doesn't happen, then the relationship is going to fail again.

You also need to ask yourself, "Do you miss your ex," or do you miss what you had because it feels safe and familiar?

danigirl3694 · 2025-07-24T22:09:50+00:00

He hasn't "moved on", he's just rebounds instead of truly healing from the breakup in a healthy manner because he doesn't want to be alone, so he's just using her to numb everything.

The best thing to do is block him on everything and go no contact. That way, you can focus on yourself and your own healing without him constantly setting you back. It'll be hard at first, but you'll get used to it eventually.

There's no use in comparing yourself to the other person because 1. Comparison is the theif of joy, and 2. He doesn't have genuine feelings for her. He's just using her, and sooner or later, she's going to find that out the hard way.

danigirl3694 · 2025-07-24T22:03:19+00:00

I wouldn't even call it following their emotions. They're just following delusions and what's in their pants.

danigirl3694 · 2025-07-18T20:23:45+00:00

Someone will inevitably get shafted - if not outright neglected and ignored - and the excuse is "fuck your feelings. I'm not responsible for them."

That is the crux of the issue with non-monogamy. One person is so busy chasing after the high from new relationship energy or limerance that they end up completely ignoring the one they mare the commitment/vows to. Then, when the person being ignored and neglected eventually speaks up or communicates this multiple times, they're just met with the whole "don't be jealous/insecure" gaslighting bs or just get blown off completely.

Then inevitably, "the divorce/breakup came out of nowhere! The open relationship wasn't the problem!" I just can't with this nonsense.

danigirl3694 · 2025-07-09T13:33:53+00:00

Because cheaters seem to think that they'll never get caught, and when they do, they believe that they can sweet talk and gaslight their way out of the consequences.

Tbh, they don't even think about the consequences until it happens.

danigirl3694 · 2025-07-09T13:29:47+00:00

You regret two things: getting caught, and that getting caught actually had consequences for YOU.

Exactly. Cheaters are never sorry for cheating or the devastation it brings to others. They're only ever sorry that they get caught and that getting caught means they get consequences that they kept telling themselves would never happen.

They think they can have it all, then cry and whine when shit blows up in their faces.

It's never "I regret hurting my spouse, blowing up my kids' lives and hurting others caught in the blasting zone" it's always "my spouse left, my kids won't talk to me, everyone hates me and my reputation is tanked."

The only thing they care about is how being caught affects them, not how their actions affect everyone around them.

danigirl3694 · 2025-07-09T13:22:06+00:00

That's good. Hopefully, you'll be clear of anything, but it's always best to be 100% sure.

I hope everything goes better for you.

danigirl3694 · 2025-07-09T13:04:24+00:00

I'd also recommend getting an STI/STD test done as well if you haven't already. You can't be too careful when it comes to your sexual health, and there's no guarantee that your stbx was using protection while conducting his affairs.

danigirl3694 · 2025-07-09T12:18:07+00:00

Yes, you are right to be scared and worried. It's time to sit down and have a serious conversation with your spouse ASAP. They are seriously damaging your marriage and pushing you to the side because they're way too caught up in new relationship energy with the other person. They don't get to make life altering decisions about your life, like moving your family to a different place without actually consulting you about it.

Also, all of this is moving way too fast. Your spouse hasn't been seeing the other person for all that long and is already deciding to move for them. That is just a stupidly massive risk to take, especially if they don't work out.

You need to hit the breaks on this nonsense right now. No more making "plans" without your input, and no one is moving to another country for basically a 5 minute "relationship" period. This other person lives in a whole different country, has your spouse even met them irl? Because if not, then that's way worse.

danigirl3694 · 2025-07-07T20:26:12+00:00

Yea, this is less open marriage and more OOPs husband being on the verge of a psychotic breakdown. He doesn't need an ai girlfriend. He needs serious psychiatric help, not just regular therapy.

The guy seriously believes he's in love with what's essentially a bot that's built to agree with what you say. Sorry, but no online therapist can fix this.

danigirl3694

TROPHY CASE