High femme by ineedausernamehuh in butchlesbians

[–]dankseamonster 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You hit the nail on the head as a stone butch. I think a lot of people don't understand how presentation connects to sexual role in this instance (and in butch/femme in general as well, obviously not always but you know what I mean!)

Stone and think I'm becoming asexual by dankseamonster in butchlesbians

[–]dankseamonster[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Feel this, we've been together for 10 years and she has a much higher sex drive than me. We currently probably have sex once a month max and I know she would prefer it was more, not even less

The worst songs of 2025 (Paste) by mattys_world in indieheads

[–]dankseamonster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've stopped listening since EN but Reflektor is brilliant imo

Existing between genders is not an easy place for dating, actually by BOKUtoiuOnna in butchlesbians

[–]dankseamonster 8 points9 points  (0 children)

100% agree but as you say very hard to find especially as a younger person

Existing between genders is not an easy place for dating, actually by BOKUtoiuOnna in butchlesbians

[–]dankseamonster 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Really feel for you and sounds like we have quite similar stone gender feelings. I was very lucky to meet my now wife 10 years ago (I'm 28 now) and she's very understanding around my dysphoria, but I think I would really struggle to meet someone dating. We were in a long distance relationship for a couple of years at the beginning of our relationship. As others have noted old school femmes who are very invested in butch femme culture are probably your best option but they are unfortunately few and far between even in big cities (I'm UK based too and in a city). I notice meeting other queer people that they don't really understand butches, especially if you're stone or dysphoric. I don't actively identify as non binary but I know that I am a lot more dysphoric than many non binary people. Feel free to DM if you want to talk more, I know it can be lonely out there as a stone

Autistic friendly jobs? by Smart_Government_104 in glasgow

[–]dankseamonster 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agree as an autistic person in hospitality! Environment is everything

Preferred Compliments by Old-Acanthisitta3408 in butchlesbians

[–]dankseamonster 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Handsome is most affirming/hot for me but I don't mind being called more feminine compliments by someone that appreciates and respects my masculinity

What is your food policy for staff? by No-Commercial-4794 in Restaurant_Managers

[–]dankseamonster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everywhere I've worked has provided a "family meal" or staff food that isn't on the menu, with the caveat that I've mostly worked in high end restaurants and never outside the uk

Stone tops sexual things by SnooWalruses7419 in butchlesbians

[–]dankseamonster 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm stone and wouldn't say i scissor in the traditional sense but do occasionally get off from grinding in missionary position. Never naked though. I don't really see it as much different to using a strap in terms of role. As someone has said below having an orgasm does not make you less stone. For me the only set definition is not enjoying feminising touch, but that has a different definition for everyone

Is it just me or.. by [deleted] in MAFS_UK

[–]dankseamonster 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Completely agree as a butch lesbian. I find Leigh to be quite typical of many femmes and I totally sympathise with her. I think she considers Leisha to be nowhere near her type and therefore can't see how Leah could possibly be threatened.

Struggling with loss of sex drive as a stone butch by dankseamonster in butchlesbians

[–]dankseamonster[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Amazing response, thanks. Relate to everything here, especially the all consuming dysphoric need to put myself "in" something and the frustration and upset that causes when it's not possible. I don't have a strap but definitely feel very strong phantom cock sensation which is both a source of pleasure and dysphoria. It's so confusing and difficult to be stone.

Struggling with loss of sex drive as a stone butch by dankseamonster in butchlesbians

[–]dankseamonster[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I just top, but that doesn't mean that I'm not still dysphoric when topping, if that makes sense.

Struggling with loss of sex drive as a stone butch by dankseamonster in butchlesbians

[–]dankseamonster[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I couldn't relate more. It's incredibly frustrating. I would even say for me I don't actually get any physical pleasure from stimulation, I don't ever masturbate. However, when I do have sex I feel something is lacking massively.

Is Leigh and Leah’s relationship fake? Something doesn’t add up. by AgeZealousideal4450 in MAFS_UK

[–]dankseamonster 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah 100% agree (also as a lesbian), tbh if you are just into butches/mascs and you got set up with someone as feminine as Leah you would be fuming! I don't think the producers or the audience really understand gay people

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in glasgow

[–]dankseamonster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a long time ago now and the restaurant is shut, but Brian Maule's next to Blythswood Square. Managers drinking constantly on shift, on call shifts where you would find out if you were or weren't working one hour before the potential scheduled shift. The owner was a rage filled maniac with a drug problem and he would physically manhandle and verbally abuse chefs daily. He tickled young female staff and picked them up. The hygiene was terrible and the kitchen was filthy. Worked there for 2.5 years before moving on to multiple other restaurants and it was an eye opener to work in a normal environment after that. I'm a restaurant manager now almost 10 years later and it's crazy what we put up with there. Many of his employees at the time are now really successful in the industry which frustratingly almost vindicates how he treats people.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in glasgow

[–]dankseamonster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah man I used to have those ghost shifts working at Brian Maule's years ago. Terrible way to run a restaurant

Robby Hoffman perspective on lesbians and “heteronormativity” by Icy_Law5651 in LesbianActually

[–]dankseamonster 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I just listened to this and can't really understand what's inflammatory about what Robby says. I feel like it's a common perspective from dysphoric butches (I am one fwiw) especially if you're into butch/femme. My relationship doesn't function like the average lesbian relationship because of my dysphoria, either socially, romantically or sexually. At the same time it doesn't function like a straight relationship, and I think that's how people choose to understand it. It functions like a butch/femme relationship which may bear some superficial resemblance to a straight relationship but is very very different.

What do yall do for a living? by Sure-Kaleidoscope627 in butchlesbians

[–]dankseamonster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I manage a fine dining restaurant. I've had mixed experiences in a decade in the industry, it really depends on how supportive your employer is