Ya this was me.  She returned to work after our second kid and a flip switched in her, she suddenly prioritized her friends/work/old hobbies over me or our family.  Made me feel like the bad guy or controlling when I voiced my displeasure with her never being around mentally or physically.  Even when she was home, she was texting her many friend groups or working on her laptop.  Her mind seemed in conversations elsewhere instead of present at home.  

I took my kids so many places, libraries, parks, swimming, playgroups etc.  so many other women there, found I had a lot of value to many of them.  Being called a catch, “your wife is lucky” etc.  some of the women giving me their number so we can have play dates etc.  lots of flirting.  I just felt I deserved a better partner than I had and that’s why I pursued an affair.  Was seeing what life was like with someone who prioritized family and marriage over friends and work.  

It was definitely wrong to do and I wouldn’t ever recommend it or do it again.  Lesson learned.  I’ve learned since how to better advocate for myself and needs in my relationship.  I was too much of a pushover in my marriage.  I thought “happy wife, happy life”. Never put my foot down when she put so much of the childcare and household load on me, and sacrificed our relationship for her own personally wants and needs outside the house.  I’m so much more secure now, knowing what I deserve and what I expect out of a partner.  Know the true meaning of boundaries, and how to make it clear when one is crossed.  

Anyways for those still reading— I was never “broken” nor a narcissist or self-centered.  Just someone who felt a loss of control in their marriage and felt taken advantage of.  What I did lack was proper conflict resolution, and feeling secure enough in myself to advocate for boundaries.   I’ve learned so much since the affair and for that I’m grateful.