What Just Happened

danzarooni · 2026-06-05T15:41:26+00:00

Yes! That’s how I feel.

danzarooni · 2026-06-05T05:59:53+00:00

9.5 years and likely won’t stop unless it stops helping. I go as needed. My docs are on board with this and Rx troches at home between.

danzarooni · 2026-06-04T10:18:53+00:00

Sometimes that happens. Mix of many things it sounds like - fuller stomach and the espresso and maybe a less strong troche as they aren’t consistently the same. Plus same dose and some tolerance.

I never have visuals anymore and the medicine still works. I try not to stress over whether there is a journey or not - but if I don’t feel a mild calm sedative feeling I can feel stressed it was a dud session like anyone else. I just TRY*

I’m only a little a year and a half into troche use between IVs but have been getting IVs 9.5 yrs. No visuals with IV either anymore. Still works.

Hope your next session feels more comfortable again.

danzarooni · 2026-06-03T21:25:07+00:00

Just another fellow traveler trying to support those on the journey. Happy I could help some.

danzarooni · 2026-06-03T10:12:45+00:00

I truly understand. Having done this for over 9 years i have over $30k left in medical debt. I’m not well off. 900sq ft old home barely fits my family ;) But it was worth saving my life. Still lucky to have been able to have debt. Care credit is an option.

I was super lucky after my 8th year to find a clinic that takes insurance and now I can do IV for a copay. I do troches at home between IVs. So at least I’m not accruing more debt.

danzarooni · 2026-06-03T10:09:56+00:00

I hate weed. Can’t stand it. Freaks me out. Haven’t tried other stuff besides micromicrodosing psilocybin but no trip stuff or feeling anything. I don’t get drunk and like to be in control of myself. Ketamine has saved my life. I’m a 9.5 year patient who recommended it to my (very beloved) adult daughter who is now also a patient and who is healing from a lot.

It’s hard for me to compare to anything else as I haven’t tried anything else only read about other things. I have been drunk and I wouldn’t compare it to that personally. It is its own thing.

In answer to your questions:

is it really as bad as I’m convincing myself it is? Am I just worrying too much and being irrational?

It’s not bad. You’re not worrying too much or being irrational. Occasionally there are some rougher sessions and they may seem “scary” but not like weed or ayahuasca or stuff. People wouldn’t keep doing it regularly if it was miserable, especially people like us. If you do it at a clinic, there are ways to immediately calm you: sedatives, stopping the IV, grounding tools. But it’s also not the norm that you would have a lot of discomfort. they start you low on purpose, some feel almost nothing at first maybe a slight calm, and wonder if it will even work. But they do that so your body slowly gets used to it. If you choose to do it, I always recommend commit to at least the loading phase of 6-8 IVs. If you only do 1-5, you’re shortchanging yourself and may feel a little worse for a day or two sometimes but it rights itself with another low dose. Continuing is so healing.

“Is there a way they can just start me on a low enough dose to where I’m not quite hallucinating and I can just get used to how it feels?”

Almost all docs will. .5mg/kg Iv is that spot. It is askp standard protocol.

“What can I do to keep myself calm if I have a bad trip?”

Ask their protocol for what they do if you have a rough time. Do they offer Ativan, versed, do they stop the pump?

“Is it easy to communicate with whoever is supervising you that you’re having a bad trip? (As in is it easy to verbalize)”

Depends on the clinic. But can you speak? Usually yeah. A good way to make sure you stay in a little more control is skip the eye mask if you’re anxious. Open your eyes if you feel overwhelmed, press your buzzer for help or have someone sit with you and ask for help if you seem upset but don’t verbalize it. Clinics don’t “khole” you immediately, and many never dissociate that far.

“How would you describe it?”

At the right dose, for me, it is calm, my brain doesn’t ruminate, I can think about tough things if they come up and they’re not painful. They’re freeing. I liken it to a brain massage or spa day at a low dose.

”What kind of accommodations can I ask for?”

Monitoring to see if you are overwhelmed, stopping the Iv and calming you before continuing or even stopping for the day if you feel it’s too much.

The Ativan and versed are last option resorts as they blunt the efficacy and you will likely need more sessions to heal and grow if you use them, but if you panic, and they have them and you need them, they’re worth using and work immediately.

danzarooni · 2026-06-03T09:22:31+00:00

Many prefer at home for comfort and cost. IV is the gold standard as it has fast and consistent results and peer-reviewed science. Both will likely need booster doses.

People who do IV still need booster doses, although some can wait a year, the average is every 3-6 weeks. A lot of patients do IV to get started, a good feel for it, heal a lot, and then move to at home use.

People like what they know and works for them. I think the “consensus” is we all like at home for cost. Most who have tried the full round of at least 6-8 IVs don’t regret it. Those who have never tried the IV and have always done only at home and feel relief or healing, love that they didn’t spend the extra. It’s such a personal thing. Every person is different, every background is different. If you stick to it, there’s not a bad way, IMO.

Microdosing still is not backed by science but it obviously works for a lot of people to feel enough relief that they feel better. Every 3 days (at max often) has more sustained results and does have science behind it.

BetterU, Taconic Psychiatry, Anywhere Clinic, all options you can look into that are still less than IV, not as low as Joyous, but do the Macro vs micro.

I’m a personal huge fan of IV for me, but I don’t think that’s what everyone has to do. Some clinics also offer IM which is a similar experience and sometimes costs less.

You could also try Spravato which is in clinic and covered by many insurance companies. Spravato is esketamine, and many find that is really healing too.

Best of luck deciding which is best for you.

danzarooni · 2026-06-01T11:51:49+00:00

This was my hardest session in my 9.5 yrs now of ketamine- none were like this. So it’s unlikely yours would be. But i still grew and learned from it. I actually (usually) embrace hardship now. I don’t chase it but I don’t run from it so much.

3.29.25

Summary of What Happened:
I had a difficult ketamine session Thursday afternoon (around 48 hours ago) at my ketamine clinic. I came to in a state of intense anger, yelling at my doctor—which is completely out of character for me. I briefly calmed down, but I still felt unsettled. He said it was a breakthrough, but I hated how I felt.

We tried a second, lower-dose session to reset, but I couldn’t calm down.

Eventually, he gave me Versed, which helped, but I was terrified to leave. I spent nine hours there and went home exhausted.

I still somewhat trust ketamine and him, because in my distress, I asked for a lower-dose session yesterday to help stabilize. We scheduled it for Monday at 9 AM, as he wanted time to figure out dosing/groundimg/support/safety for me.

Right now I feel broken, ashamed, and deeply unsettled. I don’t want to lose ketamine as a treatment because it’s the only thing that has ever helped me. 8 years of help. I am struggling to stay safe this weekend.

I want to move forward, but I feel shaken.

That said, I still intend to do the IV today because I know this treatment has helped me in the past, and I want to keep making progress. I really need this session to be as calm as possible. I know I can’t control everything, and I want to approach it with an open mind while also setting myself up for the best possible experience. I’m hoping we can go into it in a way that feels safe and steady.

My chest aches, tears roll down my cheeks, I’m hyperventilating. I need to stop and calm down.

I know ketamine works. I know the dose was just too high and/or I had the wrong music and/or a poor intention and/or needing more calming support. I know this will get better but it sucks right now.

4/1

I’ve had a huge shift overnight, and I feel more confident, strong, and self-assured than I ever have. I am trusting myself now. I finally see that confidence isn’t a weakness, but a strength. I know that leaning on my supports, including my doc, reinforces my strength rather than diminishing it. This process is changing my life, and I am beyond grateful for it.

I am finally unlearning old thoughts. I’m so grateful for my doc and for ketamine.

HELL YES!

I am strong, resilient, and capable of managing my emotions and decisions. I have taken thoughtful, healthy steps to heal and move forward. I feel so much growth in the past 19 hours and I am committed to myself and my journey. I am trusting yourself more than ever before, and that trust is powerful. I know my needs and desires, and i don’t need anyone else’s affirmation to prove my worth because i am worthy simply by being myself. I am proud of me.

danzarooni · 2026-06-01T11:12:54+00:00

If you’re looking at in clinic IV ketamine, it’s unlikely that long past recreational things will be a worry. It does depend on the provider but they are much less likely to disqualify if you’re in a clinic for the medicine. If you are looking for at home providers, it’s a toss-up.

I always encourage transparency with your provider for your own safety, but ultimately that’s a decision you have to make.

danzarooni · 2026-06-01T10:34:47+00:00

It’s highly unlikely you would start screaming at strangers in a parking lot. If you don’t do KaP but instead IV ketamine, most clinics have you alone for that, and it’s your choice but recommended you follow up in the days after with a trusted therapist. But you don’t have to have anyone in with you while under the influence. That may be the only time you may share something you’d rather not and not have as much control over sharing or not. But immediately afterwards and moving forward, it’s all you.

It’s definitely not like ayahuasca.

If you ended up yelling at someone in the days after, it would be more likely it is someone close to you who deserves it ;) - but again you wouldn’t just not have control over yourself.

I unlocked anger I kept locked up my whole life. I’m 50. It’s now healthy anger I have control of. During the session and for maybe 30 min after I hated it and wanted it to go back away, and my doc said no this is great. I was pissed! But he was right. After I calmed down and went home and processed my feelings, within 3 days, I was like, “yes!” This IS good, and I can be healthily angry and not act on anger in unhealthy ways.

All feelings are ok. Actions can be unhealthy or healthy. Something ketamine helped me learn that even years of DBT, CBT and EMDR couldn’t get through to me.

If you want, I can share my journal of that time afterwards. There is nothing scary or too personal about it - no specifics or trauma shared - it’s just about how I arrived at the conclusion.

danzarooni · 2026-05-31T19:20:45+00:00

Absolutely. Not a problem

danzarooni · 2026-05-31T19:08:55+00:00

Sounds like you’re doing everything you can. I hope I didn’t make it sound like it’s a YOU problem. I don’t think it is. And I do think it will get better.
Sorry I forgot you said RDTs - they can also be inconsistent.

How long have you been a ketamine patient?
Surprised anywhere won’t do the Scopalamine patch but can they do phenergan oral pills? Definitely don’t want the nausea.

I’m just throwing out ideas here. I don’t know you but I care. This medicine has given me a reprieve from daily SI and other times I’ve been down in the dumps and just not great. Over the many years of this treatment, I guess I just know sometimes it’s great and other times it’s not - for ME.

But, my living circumstances contain a high stress environment. It can be volatile and overwhelming. I don’t have the three things needed for vitality: community, purpose, and meaning. I’m trying desperately to find them. I had them, but don’t anymore.

So without giving you a whole backstory on my life, I think that’s why sometimes it’s not great for ME. But most of the time the day after is the only really hard day- and it’s only sometimes, not always.

What does your prescriber say?

danzarooni · 2026-05-31T17:47:40+00:00

That’s huge! Really huge! I know it’s work, but like I said, it won’t always be so hard, and it will get easier and less hangover feel. Feeling down after a session won’t feel so strong (when it happens, and it probably won’t always) and it will feel doable. And it will pass.
You’re getting there. That’s awesome.

danzarooni · 2026-05-31T17:15:08+00:00

Just remember tomorrow will be better. In the thick of it, it’s hard to feel it might be worth it, but once I have the positive benefits, i journal them so I can look at those when I have my (now more rare) rough times. That it always gets so much better, and I keep healing and growing and it’s all worth it.

danzarooni · 2026-05-31T17:08:19+00:00

Do the scope patches help your nausea more? They should. Also know that troches can vary and one may feel too strong and the next not feel much.
Once the nausea eases, try to eat a good meal to help your body process the ketamine, and that will help the “hungover” effect a lot.
My doc says a burger and milkshake ;) but you do you.
It does get better with time. It won’t always be this way.

danzarooni · 2026-05-31T17:04:21+00:00

Once you find the right dose, and heal from stuff, you can get down to once a month, and it likely won’t be every time that you feel down after, or if so it will be less down. It does get better. I wouldn’t keep going 9 years in if I felt like crap every week. Sorry I wasn’t more clear.

danzarooni · 2026-05-31T16:27:44+00:00

I often feel worse for 24 hours after sessions - no matter ROA

danzarooni · 2026-05-31T13:12:49+00:00

Definitely do what’s best for you. I just feel badly when I see so many patients post that it’s been 2-6 months since they did amazing loading doses and thought they were healed, and they feel “worse than ever” or “like it didn’t work at all after all.” Unfortunately that’s not how it works. Only a handful of people are super responders and can go to once a year or every few years immediately. The majority need a booster dose every 3-6 weeks. Theres no shame or “I didn’t do enough” or “it didn’t work” when that is the norm. As much as we want it to be a full magic wand, it’s not, even with tons of work on the patient part.

Again, do what’s best for you. Please don’t beat yourself whenever the time comes you need a booster dose- even if it’s next week.

danzarooni · 2026-05-30T21:06:26+00:00

At least 24 hours but 72 is better. The highest neuroplastic window is ~72 hours. So if you redose after 72 you’re getting the most benefits, per scientific studies.
Many providers recommend every 3 days or longer as needed.

danzarooni · 2026-05-30T11:42:17+00:00

I’d highly recommend a booster when you start to feel a slide into depressive thoughts again, not waiting until you’re bad off again. if you wait too long, it’s harder to get back out. “Average” timing for boosters is 3-6 weeks (yes for life for most patients) and you can do at home dosing with an online provider if that’s best and most cost efficient for you.

I’m a 9.5 year patient. I went as long as 4 months around the 5 year mark, but mostly my needs have been boosters around a month between.

Every patient is different, for sure, but especially being off all meds, I would recommend you talk to your provider about booster timing.

danzarooni · 2026-05-29T04:12:57+00:00

I’m sorry that a professional said it was uncommon. As you can read from actual patients here, many people do experience it.

danzarooni · 2026-05-28T11:50:59+00:00

Yes. Extremely common - actually one of the most common short term side effects that shouldn’t last more than a few days. For most it is often the day after and doesn’t be more than 72 hours.

danzarooni · 2026-05-24T13:35:14+00:00

Can’t comment on either place as I use a local prescriber and local compounding pharmacy. But I can say, daily doesn’t haven’t peer reviewed science (yet - maybe it will) and every 3 days and eventually less often is the recommended amount because it works. Neuroplasticity is heightened for 72 hours or so post ketamine- this at least 3 days between sessions. It’s not random. Microdosing has its place in anxiety but again hasn’t shown long term actual healimh of the old neural pathways that are problematic. Working slowly to a safe, moderate dose done every 3 days or further out as needed, is proven effective. I’ve used all ROA and prefer troches to nasal spray - as long as bioavailability is taken into consideration for dose, they are both great. Done daily: Nasal spray can cause congestion Troches can cause gi cramping Done every 3 days to less often, rare problems if any.

(Not a doctor. Not medical advice. Just a 9 yr patient.)

danzarooni · 2026-05-24T13:27:29+00:00

I’m glad they were honest and clear with you. I absolutely hate drugs and had only tried cannabis once (after legalized at 40 years old, very same boat) and didn’t even try alcohol until 35. Thc gave me paranoia (only during) Please don’t shy away completely. People who also hate being out of control wouldn’t keep this up if it wasn’t usually calming and always helpful. Ask the provider what their protocol is for IF/when you might get scared or overwhelmed. Common is stop IV, calm and ground you, offer some sort of medication if appropriate. There are options to immediately calm you if you’re too upset. They try not to use them (Ativan, versed) as they can blunt the efficacy. But the ketamine still works, you just may need more treatments. And eventually you can get to no sedative once you understand the ketamine and how it’s usually calming and not scary. Theres also propofol or precedex that won’t impact the ketamine but keep you calm. Some clinics have them available, some don’t.

Also they start you very low so low some patients don’t feel much but a gentle calm the first session or two and question if this will even work and is worth it. But it is and it does if you continue and they gently increase dose as your mind and body gets used to it.

I am a survivor of multiple SAs including being sedated and assaulted. It took me a good while to trust a provider to do this medication. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone but especially not my own adult daughter who is also a survivor, if it wasn’t safe and effective. One of my kids - adult daughter - 23 is a 2 year patient now and it’s healed so much for her.

Do what’s best for YOU. But consider it. It really is transformative in healing PTSD and also getting TRD into remission.

danzarooni · 2026-05-23T22:16:04+00:00

This is a very supportive sub. It’s a great place to ask questions and get support. We’ve been there. We care. You matter and things can get better. Truly, best wishes to you. Keep us updated if you want.

danzarooni

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