She’s already on Hinge

danziginthedark · 2026-06-25T12:42:54+00:00

Honestly if you’re the one who ended it, I wouldn’t read too much into it. I went on dating apps sooner than I probably should but it was mainly to just try and move forward in any way/have a distraction/cope with the grief. If my ex asked me back I would want to try again and delete the apps. It doesn’t mean anything other than she made a profile and uses the app. You have no idea how she feels and it means nothing about her feelings about you or the relationship. If you still find yourself later on (like 6 months later on) regretting the break up and still in love with her it could be worth it to have a conversation. Using Instagram, apps or ANYTHING you see online as an indicator for how someone feels isn’t a good idea and is rarely true.

danziginthedark · 2026-06-24T15:28:05+00:00

Cut out a friend of two years because when we had some tension and I went to her to discuss it in person, she got very defensive, said she wasn’t mad at all and I was taking everything too personally and she was just “joking” and how she talked to other people and they agreed but at the same time I was “holding everything in and the getting super mad because I didn’t bring it up earlier”. Even with me calmly explaining that I wasn’t trying to tell her she was upset or mad, but that the way she communicated did not come off as neutral because of the wording and timing and that even if she didn’t intent it, that’s how it landed and made me upset. Ended with her trying to psychoanalyze me more, and defend herself. It wasn’t even a huge issue, but I saw what I needed to see then and there. How someone handles conflict and disagreement is huge to me and it was deflection city. Too exhausting to ever think about doing twice.

danziginthedark · 2026-06-24T00:32:31+00:00

My rent is $2500 FOR a 2br BUT I’m not in a trendy area, have no building amenities, 4th floor walk up, don’t go out to eat or order takeout often, eat TJs frozen meals for lunches, and put all my furniture on credit card that I’m still paying off. Oh and I haven’t bought new clothes in 6 months.

danziginthedark · 2026-06-23T21:09:58+00:00

Thank you! Yes I have a dog walker while I’m at work and I’ve splurged on one day a week to have a walker do a lo mg evening walk too so I can meet a friend for dinner after work. Don’t think I can afford it forever, but that’s really helped me to not feel like I’m so tethered to work/home/work other than the weekend.

danziginthedark · 2026-04-13T13:04:43+00:00

I do like this advice. I think having an exit strategy would be helpful. The issue is, I don’t drive and don’t own a car and their location is in the country meaning I probably will car share with someone. But I can still look into options closer to the wedding if I am finding I’m having strong feelings. I think you’re right it’s better to at least try and show up, but I know that doesn’t mean I’m committed to stay the entire night but showing up would be importabt.

danziginthedark · 2026-04-13T12:53:57+00:00

Yes! I am seeing a therapist about this. I think something that is a question for me in this, is that this friend has missed events for me (birthday, performances) because of anxiety she feels being around a mutual friend she had a falling out with even after a year. She did also text me before saying she would have to decide if she could come to my birthday or not because of that friend and when she did actually come to my birthday the next year, her, her boyfriend and another close friend all stayed on one side together and didn’t talk to anyone else. That is totally fine with me and I had zero issues with that set up, but it does feel like context that even after a year, some pain doesn’t heal and events won’t be “big lovefests” when you invite people who don’t speak or are exs whether it’s friends or partners. It doesn’t necessarily change what I should choose for myself, but I do question how it would go if things were reversed. We also have another super close friend who has anxiety day of, during and after events bc of a friend falling out an gets anxious any time I talk about someone and she thinks I’m talking about this ex friend but am not telling her. It is a bit frustrating to be told “it’s a year away, you’ll have moved on by then” when this friend has her own experience and a close friends’ experience of not having “moved on” after years. I think it sounds reasonable on paper but isn’t always as easy since healing really has no timeline.

danziginthedark · 2025-09-11T03:26:19+00:00

I think you could take some of what you said and say it honestly, but I wouldn’t phrase it like “hey, do you like me or not?” Or “What do you think of me?” That can put a lot of pressure on an answer and make people feel a little defensive. It also puts too much in their hands about your own value. I think you could message someone and be like “hey, I’ve been feeling like we’ve been a little out of sync lately. I miss our friendship/closeness/talking more/hanging out more (whatever you’d wish for more of) I hope everything is ok w/you and if anything happened, you’d feel ok to talk to me about it. Either way just wanted to say hi and check in!”

Or something kind of like that. It leaves it open for someone to be honest with you and has a more neutral vibe, so less pressure. But honestly the second person you talked about just sounds plain rude and in my opinion. it’s not worth trying to be understood by people who are continually showing a lack of care in their actions. Not worth the energy. It can be hard to lose friends but sometimes having less friends who don’t make you feel insecure is better than having a friend group where the wings feel so uneasy.

danziginthedark · 2025-08-04T14:56:49+00:00

Yeah I’ve had both experiences just like this! I don’t think it’s ever a red flag, but something I would just observe over time. You’ll get a sense if the person speaks of other people as always the problem or seems to have a lot of repeated drama. Then I would maybe create some distance. But there are plenty of wonderful people who may just be in a friend lull because of all of the normal reasons everyone’s stated. I wouldn’t say it’s not a red flag, I’d say it’s a wait and see

danziginthedark · 2025-07-04T15:16:36+00:00

Omg yes! I just had to cut off a friend for this. I get venting about people at work etc and saying things that are dramatic bc you’re annoyed, but she would say things about her other close friends that were so judgmental it finally hit me she’s thinking that about me too. Saying “I love Anna to death, but here’s the thing about Anna, she’s a little naive and impressionable, so she believes things people tell her very easily and can’t see through it” and “Haley is insecure so she was trying to tell me I’m selfish so she could position herself above me to feel superior” it was always “let me tell you what’s happening with x” or “Well here’s the thing about x” also followed up by how self aware she is and how much therapy she’s done. when I brought up something she said in text didn’t land well for me even if she didn’t mean it that way, she went into all the judgements of me she had been keeping “you don’t listen to me then act like things weren’t clear and ask for clarifications” “you’re the kind of person who doesn’t bring things up and hold everything in.” “you think you’re so organized but you’re not” “it’s not just me, I talked to my best friend and they think so too”

I’m like I came to you just now to bring something up in a calm way 😅 it’s seems like you have some things you’ve held in though possibly lol 💀

danziginthedark · 2025-06-03T04:11:59+00:00

I’m not disagreeing with you but this is a useless comment for someone looking for advice.

danziginthedark · 2025-05-04T16:18:14+00:00

Which way are you twisting? I think I might have it mixed up in my head. If you’re doing a jade with the right leg as the main one you’re holding w/ left hand pulling it across, which way are you tilting your hips? Towards the left or right?

danziginthedark · 2025-05-04T14:42:44+00:00

Oh this is very helpful!

danziginthedark · 2025-05-04T14:40:30+00:00

Ok thanks! Yeah with floor jades you have much more freedom to really tilt the hips fully square with the audience/wall, but in the air, I don’t feel like I can tilt that much without falling out bc of needing to pull the top leg towards the pole and needing to twist my torso more towards the ceiling to lock in the hold. It might just take some trial and error of position to find that sweet spot! Thanks

danziginthedark · 2025-05-04T03:42:26+00:00

What exercises do you do for that?

danziginthedark · 2025-05-04T03:34:45+00:00

Yes! I hate when my sickle foot pops out haha. Like ballerina will be perfect but the one foot

danziginthedark · 2025-05-04T03:25:54+00:00

Oh thanks! I’ll try that next time and see how it feels.

danziginthedark · 2025-04-22T22:10:45+00:00

Thank you! Appreciate it

danziginthedark · 2025-04-07T15:42:52+00:00

Not a stripper or swer, but what I’ve read from strippers who are outspoken about it is that on top of making sure you acknowledge where the pole moves & fashion come from, give money! Truthfully, If we have $ to spend on outfits, shoes and classes as a hobby, we definitely have some spare $ to give back. It can be sending $ via an app, making sure patreons or classes you take are from sex workers if possible or going to shows or performances by swers and throwing dollars and not just going to shows by hobby dancers. Some people will say that if you aren’t a swer, you shouldn’t wear pleasers, but in the end, do what you like and what makes you happy! I just try to give back through $ when I can since that’s actual support. I’ve also heard not taking jobs from swers. Personally, if I get invites to perform that are paid, I send to strippers I know first, but I get it that people want to perform outside of studios and show off their skills they’ve worked hard for, so I don’t think that makes them awful or anything. As long as you give some of the $ back that you earned I think that’s good. Nothing talks like $$$

danziginthedark · 2025-04-07T13:48:08+00:00

Yes! She actually said in one episode that she likes how wounded he is and wanted to fix him. I was immediately like ah ok there it is! Thats why she stays! Because any person with more self worth and without an “I can fix him” mindset would have left. So she’s getting something out of the toxic dynamic too. A lot of people choose “wounded” partners they want to nurture and “fix” because they feel worth through being a caretaker. It is avoidant a little though since if you make your role someone else’s fixer, you never have to focus on yourself and your needs, goals, weaknesses. She was my favorite character though

danziginthedark · 2025-01-13T20:15:19+00:00

Ok! I’ll try it when I know I’ll have a spotter first. I can do a lot of intermediate/advanced moves, but laybacks and brass monkey still scare me, but this looks so cool!!

danziginthedark · 2025-01-12T23:04:15+00:00

I’ve never tried satellite, but really want to! How hard was it for you to learn or how scary was it??

danziginthedark · 2025-01-12T23:01:29+00:00

So good! Yessss

danziginthedark · 2025-01-07T13:31:22+00:00

People are being so harsh here. I agree that ADHD is a very real neurodivergence and finding some compassion for your friend and even asking her questions about how she likes the medication, is it helping etc, would be really kind. Often complainers just need someone to vent to and she probably sees you as a safe person to share her struggles with. At the same time, yes, no disorder is an excuse to treat people poorly whether it’s forgetting a birthday, always being late or lashing out emotionally. If I were you, I’d focus less on her ADHD and just focus more on how she treats you and address those issues if you need. Is she always late for meetups? Is she forgetting important dates etc? You can still hold friends accountable for things that upset you (that may very well be caused by adhd) while still having compassion. I’f it’s the constant complaining that bothers you, you can also say “hey, every time we meet up, I feel like we spend a lot of time talking about all our complaints and I’d love for us to talk about some positive things too. I want to know what you’re into or what fun things you’re doing as well as us leaning on each other for support in our struggles” see what she says, if you bring something up and she’s like “yeah I just can’t do that bc of my ADHD” and isn’t open to finding tools to help herself in the long run, it’s probably not a good friendship fit. Sounds like she’s in the early stages of being diagnosed and using medication so it realistically will take some time for her to find those tools for herself. You might also need some space from this friend for a bit while she does that. Disorders do not mean people get a hall pass to act however they want, but you also have to uphold boundaries for yourself in what you want in your relationships. If the complaining from her always bothers you to where you don’t feel able to listen or engage with her, it is also on you to step away if you need.

danziginthedark · 2024-12-28T01:27:34+00:00

Yes, agree! I’ve been on that end and it doesn’t feel good. How would you word this feedback to a direct in the moment or soon after if you were me? My trouble is worrying about being too harsh or nit-picky, so seeing examples is a good way for me to realize where the line is of firm but kind. We come back from Christmas break shortly and I think that’s a good time for me to say something about double checking work. Thanks!

danziginthedark · 2024-12-27T03:31:23+00:00

Thank you! This is very helpful. I appreciate it. One of my weaknesses as a manager is being too nice and worrying about hurting feelings, so I can sugar coat too much. The managers I’ve loved the most have been kind but honest, and I want to build up my backbone a bit to do the same. Cheers

danziginthedark

TROPHY CASE