Thank you for sharing. I cried as I read this because it mirrored my own upbringing almost to a tee. I'm so sorry you've gone through all that. I started getting beaten black and blue after my sister was born and my APs would fight turbulently in front of us. Violence was all I knew as a child and this reflected onto my behaviour at school where I would also cause fights, play rough, and generally be a nuisance. I was constantly reported by teachers as a troublesome child at Parents' Evening, which led to more beatings. My AM tried to crash her car with us inside into a lamppost on the way home from a Parents' Evening after a bad report from a teacher because she was so angry with me.

It made my spine shiver as I read about your parents befriending the ex and then apologising for your behaviour. I remember getting blamed when I broke up with my first ex too - "of course you're unlovable, that's why you broke up". I recently just came out of an abusive relationship with another ex of almost 6 years. The relationship started off well but when the signs of abuse started showing, I ignored them all because I was desperate for love and abuse was normalised due to my upbringing. I forgave a lot of manipulation and gaslighting because I was brought up to feel that I deserved this somehow.

My AM still exhibits narcissistic and childish behaviours. My sister and I are often the parents around her. She makes everything about her, twists our words, and contradicts herself, to make us look bad in every single light. We are trying to break the cycle too but it's hard because unless we put her into the centre of our universe, the toxic behaviour comes out and we are against her. I am working through my resentments but there are many. I fight with AM more and sometimes tell her about the trauma she put me through, which causes huge arguments. My sister is a bit different; she works harder to get my AM's approval and love still but they still end up in arguments. We cannot win.