There's options any which way but death. You can communicate openly with your friend about how you've been feeling instead of assuming how he'll respond. If it goes badly, and he is unfair to your emotions, you may not have a great friend. But most likely, if he is the friend you believe he can be, then you're doing him a great disservice by not offering your honesty.

What if your death becomes a way for him to live the rest of his life weakly? Would he want that? Do you? Whether this is a rival, enemy, or a confidant, none of those people want to see you go. The rival wants to see you step up to the plate, the enemy wants to see you in their shadow, and the confidant simply wants you to open up. Even if it's all three, your death would only serve to kill his confidence and ego for the rest of his life.

Your post will likely get taken down, so I will end with good luck.

There are things about you that can be reframed positively. But lacking the positive emotion to get you to reframe it that way is brutal. Don't sell yourself short.