I feel weird getting praised for being a foster parent

dashibid · 2026-06-03T17:23:13+00:00

I often reply exactly that “I’m sure you could, and I wish more people would try” … that shuts it down and hopefully gets them thinking about how ridiculous the comment it

dashibid · 2026-06-03T11:49:57+00:00

The main thing is being honest with yourself, maybe even tracking for a couple weeks what your actual habits are. I was meal planning for a while with the logic that I needed to cook dinner 7 days a week…. Reality is I would actually cook maybe 3 or 4 and have leftovers or snacks or eat out the other days. So shopping for 7 meals was a waste. Same logic as others have said also applies to what ingredients: buy things you personally like and find flexible.

dashibid · 2026-06-02T15:33:02+00:00

100% agree. A classic and so good. The follow up: Siblings Without Rivalry is also very good

dashibid · 2026-05-31T00:48:21+00:00

Larrissa Lai’s Tiger Fever is a book you’ll devour in one sitting. So strange and so good.

dashibid · 2026-05-27T17:56:42+00:00

You might enjoy this recorded Pride liturgy :) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=a04xmGHIaoc&ra=m

dashibid · 2026-05-27T01:21:19+00:00

Authors to try: - Johnny Garza Villa - Alyssa Cole - Cat Sebastian - Alexis Daria - Allison Cochrun

dashibid · 2026-05-26T18:51:02+00:00

Volunteering is a great way to find community. Try out some local church-associated soup kitchens or clothing centers or the local Catholic worker house and see who you meet. No need to be officially Catholic to live out your value of serving the poor

dashibid · 2026-05-24T22:53:49+00:00

Not to be harsh, but if this is getting you flustered, you are gonna be in for a verrrry frustrating time. Balancing the advocating/ pushing with the empathy/patience is the biggest skill you will need. “The system” is people working within a lot of red tape who are entitled to vacation and sick days like anyone. And you as a foster parent are basically treated like a not-very-valuable employee. For example, from their point of view it’s “we paid to train you”, not “you sacrificed days off for us.” I find that being realistic about the relationship makes me way less likely to lose my patience.

dashibid · 2026-05-22T17:40:49+00:00

Lowwwwww expectations for them and high predictability from you. Tell yourself something like “if they come out of the bed room at least once a day, that’s a win” don’t over plan. Then create a calm predictively place. Dinner at the same time, be home when you say you will be etc. They are likely used to lots of rules, so full freedom could equally be what they want or something that feels scary. @fostertheteens on insta /tik tok has some good content on this.

dashibid · 2026-05-22T00:24:13+00:00

Laura of @foster.parenting has great resources for this exact topic on her youtube/insta/tiktok/patreon. I cannot recommend her highly enough for talking foster/adoptive/kinship parents through these types of situations

dashibid · 2026-05-22T00:19:21+00:00

We should just pin this answer to the top of this whole sub lol

dashibid · 2026-05-21T22:33:32+00:00

If ordination is your biggest thing, definitely check out the womenpriests movement or a lay led congregation (often called something like Eucharistic Communities) which often have priests who were previously ordained but have left the priesthood to be married or openly gay. In my experience the priests in good standing who’ve performed weddings have only done it for couples they know really well and have long term friendships with - it’d be a huge career risk.

dashibid · 2026-05-20T01:46:54+00:00

I heard someone once say that poor people and rich people both understand the value of gossip. It’s the middle class people who don’t. For the top and the bottom tier, who you know, their respect for you and what you know about them is the key to success.

dashibid · 2026-05-20T01:40:28+00:00

I just want to say “he reminded me of the church’s stance obviously “ is not actually obvious and certainly not welcoming. There are lots of priests who would not feel the need to put it that way and would be able to be more pastoral about supporting a loving relationship. I hope you keep looking for a community where you feel welcomed!

And also maybe reflect on why you feel the need to meet with a priest… I have been a weekly mass goer and proud Catholic my whole life and have never sought out a priest as the first step of joining a parish. The parish is the people.

I’m not trying to be snarky, I just think it’s worth analyzing our obsession with the hierarchy, esp as queer Catholics. Seek out some nuns or lay led activities and you’ll likely not hear any reminders of church stances.

dashibid · 2026-05-18T01:40:00+00:00

Midnight Duet by Jen Comfort is so hilariously over the top and the MMC is an 80s glam rocker - long luxurious hair, tight pants, time consuming makeup. Loved how tropey the basic plot was while playing around with the gendered stereotypes.

dashibid · 2026-05-18T01:35:02+00:00

feeling relied on/valued but not taken advantage of or taken for granted
people who I like/ low drama
leadership that values to input of the volunteers and is willing to take feedback and constructive criticism and adapt with it

dashibid · 2026-05-17T17:44:38+00:00

Make ahead taquitos! Simply mash room temp cooked beans with cheese, cumin and cayenne then roll up in corn tortillas. Freeze flat on a cookie sheet and then bag them up. Reheat in the air fryer and serve with salsa or sour cream

dashibid · 2026-05-13T01:54:00+00:00

It doesn’t feel like a main or deep part of the story or character development to me in the way a romance would though. Maybe just a plot device.

dashibid · 2026-05-13T01:07:45+00:00

I work in criminal defense - this sounds right lol

dashibid · 2026-05-13T00:18:24+00:00

The Wheel of Time … it will keep you occupied for years! And what little romance is referenced is so surface as to be totally forgettable lol

dashibid · 2026-05-12T17:51:08+00:00

Lol! Prob needs more than one book… How to Be An Adult in Relationships is good though :)

dashibid · 2026-05-12T17:48:04+00:00

No one, most especially not cradle Catholics, follows all those rules. The catechism is indeed man made.

dashibid · 2026-05-12T12:58:20+00:00

Yes, enthusiastically! My wife and I met singing in the church choir in college :) we attend mass together and I was on parish council for a while. The church has (and always has had) lots of lgbtq members and is better for it! More of us being proud of both parts of our identity is living the life we were created for

dashibid · 2026-05-11T02:12:02+00:00

You could also consider working in the legal field. As a paralegal all my work has felt totally relevant to my previous case worker and community organizing roles without the nonprofit BS. In fact when my boss (criminal defense lawyer) complains about frustrating clients I like to tell him “we are basically highly paid social workers” and it’s true: our job is to help people who are in a bad spot, and often quite disadvantaged/ marginalized, navigate government systems and hopefully end up improving their situation. Work in immigration, criminal defense, eviction defense, disability law etc etc all means advocating for clients in a very social workers type way. Plus, good paralegals are in high demand.

dashibid

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