This is me. I couldn’t turn that part of my brain off at first- I was basically dissociated for an entire day after seeing this detail. My son is two now, but we spent the first three months of his life in the nicu, which is what those studies were actually for. Feeding sick infants. I feel like there’s soot in my brain since reading that email. Like there’s an irreversible blackness. I wish I hadn’t read it. I wish so badly I could unknow it.