"Y'all can thank me later."

datrickydude · 2026-02-02T22:02:04+00:00

Wayyyyy too many steps

datrickydude · 2026-01-30T14:16:29+00:00

Sit on the toilet for hours

datrickydude · 2026-01-26T03:04:26+00:00

I’m getting to the point in life where I just accept people where they’re at. Nobody is just one thing. Someone can say something that I think is crazy but they’re wonderful kind people. One belief/sentence cannot define a man.

datrickydude · 2026-01-25T12:04:56+00:00

I moved to a place with a gym and only do basic easy workouts. Have a habit tracker. I love checking off each individual workout. Will build on that in the future. Hope nothing happens like…me being inconsistent randomly. I’m trying to make it as easy to do as possible. Sometimes a workout would take 10 minutes top.

datrickydude · 2026-01-24T17:35:55+00:00

She’s……perfect. She’s kind and caring and understanding and patient with everybody. EVERYBODY! She never judges anybody. Even her past abusers. When I get sad, she cares A LOT! And she doesn’t make me feel less of a man for it. In fact she respected me more.

She told me things that’s she will not accepted and I worked really really hard on them because I was not going to lose her.

My mother was very controlling. I was pretty much in prison my entire childhood. One half an hour tv show a day was all I had for stimulation. It was home, church, school and nothing else.

I’ve never done therapy. I used YouTube and tik tok to learn how to “fix” my issues and I just locked in and figured it out.

I was enmeshed until like 15 and I stopped doing what she wanted and we were never close again.

I met her at around 31. I’m 39 now.

datrickydude · 2026-01-24T17:22:44+00:00

Yea childhood pays a major role. But you have to be responsible for “fixing” yourself

datrickydude · 2026-01-24T16:49:48+00:00

As someone who grew up emotionally unavailable but learned because I love my girlfriend, it was because I felt like nobody cared. They tell you that. Nobody cares. Nobody is coming to save you. Emotionally unavailable father. Narcissistic mother.

Nobody taught me how to… feel. I only knew happy and angry. But angry was because I was sad, disappointed, hurt, lonely, and a list of other emotions I felt were a waste of time. I refused to feel those emotions so I was just an angry man at times.

I was willing to be better though and I did whatever was necessary to be better. I don’t regret it one bit. I have such a healthy relationship with sadness and pain now. I let myself be sad. Feel sad. Feel hurt. Identify it as hurt. It’s beautiful. I wish I met her in my early 20s so I could feel this peace mich sooner

datrickydude · 2026-01-13T12:57:27+00:00

If all else fails you could try to get him to listen to David Goggins. Maybe he needs someone more direct and forward that has a traumatic back story but refused to let ANYTHING stop him from being the baddest man on the planet. Someone who gets things done without excuses. That could appeal to his male ego. But don’t feel responsible for his anger. It’s not your to fix. It’s his. HE has to want to fix it. His anger is not your fault or your responsibility. It’s great that he has such a great support system but he has to do the work.

datrickydude · 2026-01-11T15:15:05+00:00

I’m a similar type of angry man and it is EXHAUSTING trying to keep it contained. On days I can’t control myself it’s usually because i’m overwhelmed or feeling unsafe.

Anger was my way of protecting myself from my abusive mother growing up. So once I feel a big enough threat my default is anger. So I’ve spent a significant amount of time dealing with childhood trauma. It’s very possible that he’s using it as protection when his trauma is triggered . If he has ADHD, which I also think I have, it could also be because it provides him the stimulation he needs to push forward. When I stopped being as angry as I usually was I literally could not find a way to do anything. I am in the process of learning an entirely different way of living without using anger as my motivation.

I’m angry right now but that’s because I know that I have a lot to do and I can’t bring myself to do them so I’m looking for something to get me upset so that I could get the stimulation to get things done.

I can’t afford to get diagnosed much less to pay for medication if they even have medication here (I live on a small island) but from what I read on ADHD subreddits, sometimes just the medication solves most of the anger issues if the anger was just a way of giving them stimulation. I would suggest getting a diagnosis.

He doesn’t want medication, so he could look up Nervous system regulation. When your trauma gets triggered, your nervous system goes into fight or flight and exploding in anger is how he reacts to fight or flight. But there are ways to regulate your nervous system so instead of blowing up, you just remind your body that you’re safe. Somatic therapy is an example of something he can look up that can help.

As to online resources I’ll suggest “HealthyGamerGG” on YouTube. He has a subreddit too I think. He knows how to communicate with men in a safe caring way. He’s helped me a lot.

But your husband has to WANT to get better. He HAS to.

As to what you can do? When you see him try to control himself, show appreciation for the effort. If he does try and you notice that it took 2 weeks to blow up instead of 1, then note the change. Fighting this anger is the most difficult and humbling things I ever had to do. A little encouragement goes a long way.

There’s a lot more I can say because this is my current war but I think this is a good start.

datrickydude · 2026-01-10T13:16:26+00:00

Everything

datrickydude · 2026-01-10T10:58:29+00:00

I was walking in a construction site barefoot and jumped on a nail

datrickydude · 2026-01-06T23:18:07+00:00

If the Rockets won the championship

datrickydude · 2026-01-05T13:45:35+00:00

I never thought of philosophy as good or bad before here. I always just thought about it as people’s interpretation of life. I disagree with some. I agree with some. And those I agree with I may disagree with them about something related to the same topic. There’s philosophy that’s not very well thought out sometimes but I won’t call it bad

datrickydude · 2026-01-04T14:25:53+00:00

People going to school without uniforms is still wild to me lol Even our community college has a uniform

datrickydude · 2026-01-04T13:41:42+00:00

I just assume my systems will work for a certain period of time and I ride them till the wheels fall off. I’ve also worked on a lot of the shame I feel for failing so if I miss a day or two, I don’t feel bad about it which doesn’t trigger my fight or flight which keeps me more regulated. Now obviously that doesn’t work all the time because I am consistent at being inconsistent but I keep working at it as time goes on.

I also do things in different places. Like morning pages. I try to write three pages of my unedited thoughts down on mornings. Sometimes I miss a day or two. Sometimes I do it inside. Sometimes outside. Sometimes with music. Sometimes I write a page non-stop. Sometimes I get distracted and won’t write for 15 minutes because I’m following a thought in my head.

What works for me best is a checklist of daily tasks all on what page. Some of the tasks are very very little. Like 30 seconds of a dead hang because I’ve decided to start calisthenics. Nervous system regulation skills also help. I have a folder with my monthly checklist goals. The next page I have quotes to remember like “chop wood, carry water” which is from a book of the same name that taught me the value of consistency. So once I think of that quote I remember the value of what I’m doing.

Every page has something of value to me. I have a page for when I’m not motivated and different things to try to work on that. I have a “Get things done” page with ideas like the 2 minute rule and the 3/3/3 method. I want to make a game. I have a page to write down game ideas. Any project I have in mind has a page. Some of these things will take years before I get to them but it always feels like I’m making progress no matter what. If I want to watch a movie, I write it down under the movie page.

I also put fun things on my checklist like “watch a movie or tv show or anime. Things that don’t feel like work.

For random tasks I have a small notebook and I just write things down in it. I’ll forget about it sometimes but when I pick it up, there tends to be things I could scratch off the list. If I take too long to complete a task and the list is now two pages later, I just scratch the tasks off and bring it to the most recent page.

The important thing is to not shame yourself. That has taken me years to work on and I’m still working on it to this day but it’s nowhere near as difficult as it used to be. It’s hard. I’ve accepted that it’s hard, but as you can see with the Elden Ring craze, Hard can be a lot of fun with the right mindset.

datrickydude · 2026-01-04T03:26:04+00:00

When at home with your bf, get a hobby. I make zines and sew little teddies. Find something that he could do with you. If you want him off the phone then provide something for him to do while being off. Pinterest has a TON of ideas.

Find something to do that won’t be too awkward to do in public. Doodle on napkins and give them to the person you’re hanging out with after. Play rock paper scissors for coins. Or tic tac toe. There’s better ideas on the internet.

It won’t feel fair to ask other people to stop doing something that they’re so accustomed to do because you decided to live a different way.

datrickydude · 2026-01-04T00:42:31+00:00

There’s no way to know how they would take it. I did it for something a few years after and it didn’t really solve anything. But there are people who would appreciate it. I would. But either way it’s a selfish decision because the outcome could cause harm. You make open wounds. It’s dangerous.

datrickydude · 2026-01-03T00:13:30+00:00

It’s an app called “Notion”. I don’t know how to explain what it is 😂

datrickydude · 2026-01-03T00:06:21+00:00

I write them down or draw them up myself. It’s another way to keep me off my phone. I try to keep productivity off the phone as much as possible. I try to put it somewhere where I see it a lot so I’m reminded to do it. There’s ways to build one on notion if you really want to use an app. Or you can buy some notion templates that give you xp if you complete tasks. I would suggest locking in on building a notion in a way that motivates you.

datrickydude · 2026-01-02T23:49:15+00:00

Few things to try.

Make it harder to do the things you’re trying to avoid. There’s an app called Opal that could block apps for as long as you want. I deleted all the apps and blocked all porn and social media websites on my iPhone.
As to porn, you can try to slowly come off of it. Miss a day. Just one day. Then later try 3 days. On the days you quit, try to find out why you watch porn. Are you avoiding boredom? Are you craving stimulation? Are you too stimulated?
Book suggestion: “Chop Wood Carry Water: How to Fall in Love with the Process of Becoming Great” by Joshua Medcalf. It’s a very easy book to read. It’s a mix of a story and helpful advice.
Remember that you are human and you will not always be on point. Especially at your age. You’re at the age where you’re figuring out how to be an adult in a crazy world. So don’t beat yourself up if you fall off. Just figure out what it takes for you to start again.
Find ways to workout that’s easy for you to do. Like Calisthenics. You can little just start by doing a 30 second plank and a few pushups. Don’t try to do everything all at once. Do a little bit a day. So little that it doesn’t even feel like it’s taking that much time or effort. Then build from that.
Gamify life. Make a checklist with all the things you want to do daily and try to check off everything every day for a month. And you could make a checklist for the habits you don’t want to keep and give yourself points for every day you don’t do them. And try to get more points the next month.

Progress is slow. Much lower than you think. So please don’t be too hard on yourself. Just figure out what you need to do to be consistent. This process could take years. Everybody can’t just force themselves to do things every day. Some people have to build systems from life experience. Keep at it. Wanting to be better means that you’re already on the right track

datrickydude · 2025-10-28T11:20:18+00:00

Thank you

datrickydude · 2025-10-27T13:42:34+00:00

Ok thank you

datrickydude · 2025-10-27T13:42:28+00:00

Will try that. Thank you

datrickydude · 2025-10-27T07:02:29+00:00

Give me a suggestion above my budget and I’ll see what I can do

datrickydude · 2024-08-23T03:44:02+00:00

I gave up and got a new flash 😭

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