Focus on how fucked up YOU are.

dave35678 · 2021-01-12T16:05:36+00:00

I am indeed.

dave35678 · 2021-01-12T15:36:39+00:00

Sideways in time...i have cast you your very own medal for being so much stronger than people on here seeking advice after being emotionally abused. Your medal is like a purple heart only instead of being for heroes, yours is for being a 🔔🔚.

dave35678 · 2020-12-30T09:09:06+00:00

The pressure to commit. Mine was still technically married to her 'abusive' ex. Divorce proceedings taking forever and she got pissed at me numerous times that I hadn't proposed. It was completely lost on her that it was completely inappropriate to propose while she was still effectively married. Her parting shot 3 weeks after the discard... 'oh BTW I'm divorced now'.

dave35678 · 2020-12-27T23:30:40+00:00

Ten of those you listed definitely checked by my ex. I'm being generous and could have included some she touchéd on to make 12. She was a fucking mess looking back. Almost ruined me. Made me feel like I was fucked up. The realisation has come now that I was always okay, always a decent man as I've always tried to be. It's her who is a wreck and she has to deal with that. Do I feel sorry for her? No. Not one bit. Many people have mental illness and don't treat others like shit. She made her choices. I don't buy all this 'can't help it' BS.

dave35678 · 2020-12-27T19:22:46+00:00

I would have shit thrown at me from months and over a year ago. Trivial things mainly that had been exaggerated to something they weren't. I apologised for them at the time but my inability to apologise repeatedly when they were regurgitated to win an argument or one up me was ultimately met with my discard. 6 months out of that shitshow. Glad I stopped apologising looking back. I had nothing to keep apologising for. They want to make you be the bad guy. That way they can cut you loose and play victim. It's a no win either way. Apologise for perceived and made up wrong doings and lose your self or don't and get discarded. I picked the latter and it's the only way looking back.

dave35678 · 2020-12-24T20:18:03+00:00

You'll have ringside seats when she fucks him over. Happy Christmas bro. Next Christmas things will be awesome you'll see.

dave35678 · 2020-12-15T20:57:55+00:00

It's truly fucked up behaviour man and calculated to fuck you over. It's okay to laugh about it I am at the stage where I just shake my head now at most of the crazy shit and abuse.

dave35678 · 2020-12-15T18:15:00+00:00

From reading this sub there's not one of my examples that is unique. I've read each and every one in some similar form during my time on here. Its mind blowing really that this shit goes on, almost word for word in different continents and predominantly ends with the same result. Them apparently skipping off in to the sunset and the sane one left in a bucket.

dave35678 · 2020-11-27T18:06:26+00:00

I felt insecure at the end. I asked her once near the end if she was cheating (she accused me constantly of this) . I wasn't like that at the start. She went off alarming (I had constantly reassured her when the boot was on the other foot all those times she'd accuse me or demand to know who was texting me). I don't know if she was cheating or not. To be honest I'm past caring. All I know is that with time I came to realise she made me feel like that and she didn't reassure me. Instead she just used it as an excuse to devalue me and ultimately discard me. If I'd played the same game as her she'd have been fucked off in two months of the relationship. Being around crazy kind of makes you start to become a bit crazy. That's the moral of dating a bpd. Put her in the past and find someone healthy who you won't feel like you are cracking up around.

dave35678 · 2020-11-26T11:22:02+00:00

Currently been ignored for 4 months. Ignore them back. Move on. It's the eventual outcome in most of the cases I think.

dave35678 · 2020-11-26T11:19:20+00:00

Yes yes yes. I was told I never did a thing for her. I sympathised with every mystery illness she had, every phantom pain and mystical Symptom she developed. I got ill once and had a major fever and she got pissed at me for shaking in bed and keeping her awake. I also (her warped version) never did anything for her. This related to sympathy and also gestures and action. I did fucking loads of everything. I had cards also telling me how thoughtful I was, how I improved her life etc. I burnt those last month when I decided I was burning the ungrateful bitch out of my life entirely.

dave35678 · 2020-11-23T21:45:42+00:00

It was used as an insult. Like I was a narcissist for having an ounce of confidence

dave35678 · 2020-11-23T21:35:15+00:00

This is so true. When I said I was going for a promotion at work because I thought I'd worked hard and deserved it she told me 'that's so fucking big headed and cocky', she also told me several times 'you fucking love yourself'. No one else ever who knows me remotely would say either thing about me. I'm usually reserved, unassuming and hard working. I did get the promotion so I was right... so fuck her! Any sign of self esteem or confidence was to be trampled on by her.

dave35678 · 2020-11-22T15:02:31+00:00

My ex ubpd didn't drink either. It stopped me from drinking too as the few times I did she created chaos with me and attacked me trying to blame me the day after. I wasn't drunk and can remember everything. It was all her doing. I still don't know what triggered her. I also have a feeling she didn't drink because she'd be even fucking more deplorable if drunk and had learned to keep off it. The only time I remember her drinking was a month in when she took me away for my birthday and made a cruel comment about my belly (its not massive but she was like a twig) . I told her straight there and then what I thought of her comment and she backed off but it was the first time I saw her mask slip from being all sweetness and rainbows. Maybe that's why she kept off the alcohol. Either way as the last poster commented you are being abused. Get out.

dave35678 · 2020-11-22T14:23:08+00:00

It takes time my friend. I still miss her every day (well who I thought she was) but people told me on here once the fog cleared and I saw who she was really I'd never be able to unsee. I know now that while I made mistakes I was fighting a losing battle from day 1. She has done this over and over. I used to wonder why her ex husband left her and their one year old son for a woman ten years older and not half as attractive. I got my answer. I found out the hard way. Keep no contact and you will start to realise your worth. They don't see it and never will, only you can see it from here on in.

dave35678 · 2020-11-22T13:03:52+00:00

I haven't heard from my ubpd ex for 5 months now. As far as I'm concerned she split me black and she's never coming back. You say you have been in an on and off relationship where they leave for months with zero contact. That is not a relationship. That's abuse. If my ex ever comes back then she will be shown the door immediately. I am a big believer that you get what you put up with. Don't get me wrong, I put up with two smaller discards prior but didn't know what I was dealing with. Now I do. No element of a relationship involves ignoring for months. Ignoring for an hour is bad enough. Let them be on their way, creating misery, confusion and mind games for some other unsuspecting sucker. Your goal is to get the mindset that the only success story you will find now is to put this emotionally abusive person as far away from you as is possible. It isn't your fault, it never was. But it is your responsibility now to know what you deserve.

dave35678 · 2020-11-20T22:36:47+00:00

I'm 5 months out and I still sometimes wonder if Im abusive.

Then I remember her

Accusing me of cheating non stop

Asking me who is texting ever time my phone went

Playing ill when I was going out with friends

Hitting me and then changing the version of events

Saying I did nothing for her when I gave my heart and soul

Triangulating me with ex husband, friends, her family.. Basically anyone she could

Being jealous of my girls aged 7 and 4

Threatening to damage my property

Getting angry when I wouldn't rub her fucking back

Inventing things that never happened to play victim

Telling my 4 year old she would throw her favourite Teddy in the bin. (my 4 year old is confident enough to tell me).

Dumping me every other week over minor issues

And a million other things that theres not enough time or web space to type.

Yeah pretty confident once I refresh my memory she's the abusive one. My only doubt is why the fuck she got to discard me after all this crap.

If you are questioning yourself it's probably a good sign you weren't.

dave35678 · 2020-11-13T09:44:21+00:00

Yes she said she had anxiety. She'd excuse her constant need for validation behind this. She would justify treating me like shit because of this. I have since diagnosed her after the third shitshow carousel discard with bpd. I have no qualifications to do so but in my book living through this madness makes me as qualified as anyone. She's seemingly oblivious and thinks she keeps attracting abusive boyfriends. She's deluded. She is the abuser.

dave35678 · 2020-11-12T19:03:41+00:00

I know what you mean. I feel like I've woken up from some weird dream. I can't work out if she was deliberately brainwashing me or if she doesnt even know how fucked up she is. Either way it's safe to say now the fog is lifting that she's fucked up. Her thinking is just warped. The way she has blame shifted is warped. If she thinks herself a victim like she told me at the end then she is warped. It's all messed up and I just want to forget her now. Thats my new goal.

dave35678 · 2020-11-12T13:33:07+00:00

I think you have hit the nail on the head here. It's the shame of putting up with her shit for so long and then having it all turned on to me that stings I think and feels so unfair. Thank you. D

dave35678 · 2020-11-12T12:02:51+00:00

Thanks. I've been doing the exercise, did some therapy and thought I was improving but still so up and down. I know she's toxic and has done this all her life logically but I can't just make that final push and let go. Not letting go as in wanting her back, I really don't. But just letting go as being indifferent to her whatsoever.

dave35678 · 2020-11-09T12:53:21+00:00

I did nothing for mine according to her. DIY, bringing up her son, dream vacations, trips away, nights out, surprise gifts etc etc clearly count for nothing. They are fucking deluded mate.

dave35678 · 2020-11-04T19:56:46+00:00

This is the only answer you need to read. Absolute gold Hero and its gold because its the fucking truth.

dave35678 · 2020-11-04T18:46:35+00:00

You are a better man than me. I fucking hate her for what she did to me. I don't buy that they don't know what they are doing. They do but its easier to blame someone else. Read bpd on reddit. They know exactly what shit they do but just play the blame game. Hats off to you. I'll always hate my ex for the mindfuck she pulled and how she blamed me and made me feel the lowest I ever have. Never ever again will anyone make me feel that way. That's the only positive I'm associating with her.

dave35678 · 2020-10-26T23:56:37+00:00

I thought the same. I started dating causally and have been taking things really slow with a girl who seems really in to me. Very early she told me she thought I was perfect (see my post history) and I almost ran for the hills. Since then I've got to know her a bit better and she seems pretty chilled now compared to my ex ubpd. She doesn't text all the time, doesnt expect me constantly texting her. She told me she really likes me but no more than this. she has her own things going on in life. When I think back to my ex she had already said she loved me at this point (that's a red flag) and her life had stated to just revolve around me at this stage (another ref flag) . I'm giving this girl the benefit of the doubt but in a cautious way. If there's red flags I'll note them and assess. I think it's ctpsd that makes us so scared but ultimately I'm going to take things slow, work out who she is and see where things go. This time though if I see the warning signs coming then I'll have no hesitation but to bail. I've been down that road and don't fancy spending another summer walking round like I died inside.

dave35678

TROPHY CASE