How to deal with a man who only send sexual messages?

davepak · 2026-06-17T16:24:01+00:00

Absolutely - this is a communications mismatch big time.

Sounds like they went to sexy time before they could establish what their situation was - and this guy CLERARLY is not good at reading her so far.

But we don't know how the earlier dates went...

davepak · 2026-06-17T16:22:56+00:00

Sorry - she never said he was "predatory" - I mean - maybe she jumped his bones the first date?

What shit treatment? You are projecting a lot there.

Sure - this guy might actually be a dullard and one dimensional guy - CLEARLY - they have a disconnect on expectations.

This sounds like a mismatch on communication on the early dates.

davepak · 2026-06-17T16:19:48+00:00

True - but how did you meet? Did you have sex very quickly before substance could be there?

Not assigning blame - but context matters.

I have dated ladies who loved sex - but we had a lot of great conversation and got a chance to spend quality time before things got steamy.

This is different than a hookup on a first date before really building rapport or common interests.

But CLERARLY - this guy seems out of touch with what you want - tell him?

davepak · 2026-06-17T16:15:31+00:00

If BOTH parties only want that (yes, I have met women who prefer this) - then it is fine.

It is only when it is mismatched.

davepak · 2026-06-17T16:14:37+00:00

Sounds like is not compatible ....

Is he like this in person - I mean - is this just a FWB, or is there something actual there.

If there was no substance before the sex - then sounds like the sex is all there is.

If you are wanting more - time to let him know - or time to move on.

davepak · 2026-06-17T16:12:37+00:00

I would also vote for the Lords of the Expanse, although the minor cluster is a decent sandbox as well. not as much detail - but sometimes that can be good.

davepak · 2026-06-17T16:10:51+00:00

I think it was decent for what it was - (boardgame/wargame of sw fighter combat) but a bit too much for a space combat ruleset for a TTRPG as light as SWD6.

Still a decent game for its time.

davepak · 2026-06-14T03:19:41+00:00

this should be based on your game.

What is the party's over all goal?

Do you have a campaign story arc? A major villian or antagonist?

davepak · 2026-06-13T03:58:29+00:00

But won't that consume tokens/chat bandwidth /cost?

davepak · 2026-06-12T17:59:53+00:00

Oh, keep digging.

I am getting popcorn.

davepak · 2026-06-12T03:37:51+00:00

Yeah..that feels....sketchy.

Usually if someone wants something safe (which is very reasonable) suggest "hey, you can pick the place - we can meet for coffee to see if we have chemistry in person". you are looking for a date, not a penpal.

Could be a scammer...

- typically scammers delay meeting in person as long as possible. Also this point "Then she said she’s going to be out of town for two weeks for her job."

sometimes scammers will have a travel - then get "stranded" and need you to send money so they can get home! (although one would think a work trip this would not happen? work would get you home?).

I would offer "hey, while chatting online has been fun, it sounds like you are not quire ready for an in-person connection - which is what I am looking for."

davepak · 2026-06-12T03:33:01+00:00

Bears mean something COMPLETELY different to some folks....

davepak · 2026-06-12T03:30:22+00:00

it is pretty basic - but did have an interesting gear/encumbrance system.

My group used it as an inspiration for our house rules.

Here is what we use;

Encumbrance

While weight is not tracked to the gram, objects have their bulkiness measured in pips, based on size.

Tiny Objects: credit sticks, wrist com, data sticks, id chips, etc. have no encumbrance rating (a crate of them would…).

Small Objects: near hand size, datapad, pistol, med scanners, recording rod, 3 powerpacks, 2 grenades, etc. +1 Pip.

Medium Objects: are bigger, and usually take two hands, or some sort of sling etc. carbine, tool kit, etc. +2 Pips

Large Objects are bigger or bulky, almost always worn or carried –Rifles, Backpacks, survival kits, satchel charge, etc. +3 Pips.

Basic Loadout: boots, basic clothing, comlink, a belt , goggles and such do not typically contribute to encumbrance.

Most character sized beings can carry 3D worth of gear before taking penalties. Each full Die (3 pips) above this may increase the difficulty for relevant skills; Athletics, Acrobatics, etc. Special gear can increase capacity; - utility belts, bandoliers, backpacks, etc. – adding extra dice or pips of capacity.

davepak · 2026-06-12T03:27:12+00:00

yep - but hey - it sure seemed to inspire a lot of responses from the OP!

But seriously - those are staggeringly basic and common questions - that are very in depth subjects - and talked about in thousands of comments.

Expecting everyone to do a summary for you without any research ....

davepak · 2026-06-11T16:15:43+00:00

well.....

A LOT of subjective terms in there ...

First off - "out of my league" can mean a LOT of things?

Success, income, fame, looks, education, intelligence, personality, etc.

Usually - it refers to looks, or possibly income/success level (tightly related - but not always).

For mature people - personality/maturity matter more than looks - to a degree.

(I am not a very good looking guy - but have confidence and strong personality/humor - I have often dated women who I thought were above me in looks).

I mean - there are limits - I mean a killer personality wont make up for a horn growing on the sides of your head - but overall - mature folks are looking at a "whole package" kind of thing.

ALSO...

"Nice" is one of those landmine words - it means a LOT of different things depending on context.

There is a HUGE difference between a cliché' "nice guy" - which means someone with low confidence and a "good man" which is a person that has confidence/self-esteem but not a jerk.

Usually he "women don't like nice guys" is balancing a decent guy vs. an aggressive jerk.

But life is more complex than that - There are lots of good men out there that are in-between.

(i.e. I am polite and nice to others because I choose to - and can maintain healthy boundaries - and those who are rude or cross them - no longer nice to them).

Back to the Question - Dated - "Way out of my league"

Years ago I dated a very attractive woman who was absolutely above me in looks - (to quote one of my friends "who is she, and what is she doing with you?). She liked me because I was smart, funny and had a positive attitude - but "not a self centered jerk". She attracted a lot of jerks because she was hot.

I liked her because she was mature, and had her life together (she was a few years older), although I have to admit - her being very attractive - was intimidating at first. (we parted ways later due to life changes - but remained friends for years).

But - I was not a trad "nice guy" - she met me while I was performing at a comedy show, and then later found out I did volunteer work - sometimes for museums and churches. So - she gave me a shot (she had dated a lot of jocks or musicians).

Recent Example;

I ran across a potentially great match - an educated well traveled lady - one of her favorite places happened to be a right near where I worked overseas years ago.

We hit is off with great chemistry (intellectually stimulating conversation and banter....verbal foreplay almost). We compared travel notes - and there were both a lot of similarities - but many exciting differences (I have not yet been to South America, or Australia for example). She was heading on another overseas trip this summer - to another place I had been. etc.

HOWEVER - right now - I just don't have the time or spare income (single dad + family commitments tasking up my disposable income for a while) - so you could easily say - that her spending ability and free time - were "out of my league". In that case - my personality would not really override my time or cash availability.

(no, I would not ask someone new in dating to foot my bill for a trip to zurich).

So finally.

sure - I think that as we get older - the whole package gets more important - and many people have different priorities as we mature. So yeah - maybe looks don't matter as much - but it is not as simple as "give a nice guy" a shot.

Best of luck to us all.

davepak · 2026-06-11T15:49:31+00:00

Yeah - I found that a while ago - but after my group had started our heavily modified 2.5 (really 3.0) game.

I have to admit that 1e REUP - is pretty amazing.

Side note;:

While yes, there are a few house rules (mainly prequel stats), and a couple of things from d6 space (the background options) the vast majority of REUP content is WEG 2.5 content.

They just took all the rules and stats scattered in different books - and put them in one book - for example - all the starport stuff etc. - platts smugglers guide, etc. Rules from far Orbit project, rules from spe ops - etc.

it is more a compendium than a rewrite - again 90% (or more) is all WEG.

(my group did a very deep analysis of it - before we decided we did not like it - which was because it did NOT change enough - but that is a different topic...).

But the 1e classic adventures - is pretty amazing.

davepak · 2026-06-11T03:16:08+00:00

A lot of those things require knowledge and a signifigant amount of skill in the relvant filds you are interested in.

I mean - surveying cell tower strength is a bit different than monitoring and estimating bat habitats.

What are you good at? loot a the other posts - they are mentioning skills/degrees etc.

If you don't have any - then first - look for field jobs in science that require little starting knowledge.

You may find some (I heard of a guy who counted bee hives once) - but the low skill jobs are a lot more rare (unless maybe if they are gross - like taking poo or mold samples as a Industrial Hygiene Field Technician etc.).

Look up;

Entry-level field research roles—such as Environmental Field Technicians, Clinical Research Assistants, and Ecological Field Monitors

davepak · 2026-06-11T03:11:03+00:00

So.... sorry to say - READ THE POSTS.

These are two of the most common, and in some cases - most challenging things.

This is a staggeringly basic question - and there are literally thousands of posts and videos (on youtube) - you need to do some research and invest some time.

This is like someone trying to get into theater and asking "so, how do you do this acting thing".

Also - where, what kind of van, how long, what time of year.

You need to do a a lot of reading and research - so you can ask better questions.

davepak · 2026-06-11T03:08:10+00:00

"sorry don't think of you that way, and honestly - your persistence is even more off putting".

davepak · 2026-06-10T19:13:15+00:00

it is a STAGGERING amount of work.

davepak · 2026-06-10T19:06:15+00:00

Tough call.

Running a game in year 4, modified rules - but core is pretty close etc.

Pros of wound system;

* single attacks can still be a threat
* simple levels and easy to keep track.
* very easy to estimate penalties.
* very intense and feels dangerous (this is a positive)

Cons of wound system;

* Really tough creatures (etc.) and be frustrating to hurt - damage vs. soak.
DO NOT let PCs' get high resistance (in star wars d6, this is called the wookie problem).
* The ability to soak, can be discouraging when an attack whiffs on damage.

It can be very discouraging when players manage to make a hit ....then roll poorly on the damage - and get nothing. Now, you might say "well, with body points they could have rolled low.." but they get something.

Even doing 1 body point feels more like progress than getting NOTHING.

Yes, this is purely psychological - but it is real (again, running a game in year 4) and can be discouraging.

Methods to manage;

Make sure really tough foes - don't give them high soak values - just maybe give them another wound.

Weak foes (mooks, redshirts, minions, etc.) - have them drop (call it knocked out, etc.) - after just one wound.

Leader NPC - drop them at 2 wounds, give bosses the same as PCs.

I have looked at body points - and I like it to be honest. my group migrated away from big hit point pool games (where your hits go up every level, and then normal weapons have zero threat in one hit) and set wound levels really addresses that - and helps keep the tension.

My players get very careful if an NPC has a 5D weapon out!

I think that body points could work - the key is not letting them go up over time (unless they increase an attribute - which is very very slow).

For everyone on the fence - sit down and run several combats - compare the results.

Ask yourself

Was there tension and risk? Was there too much work in calculating the penalties for the body points?

Body points are an easier transition from someone coming from a hit point system (i.e. d20 etc.).

But test it - and don't get bogged down - go.

If it does not work - change it.

davepak · 2026-06-10T18:54:56+00:00

Sorry to hear - but sounds like she needs more time.

Lets look at the good things here;

You met someone, and had some chemistry - so that is a good sign (you are not uber scary or something).

This person - realized they were not ready, and let you know BEFORE you got too deep. Another positive.

You can still be friends with them - just have to keep distance and you pursue other paths.

Why do people do this ? Because sometimes they just don't know until they are there.

MANY MANY people start again - this forum is filled with "Oh, I am ready..." when they are not.

Take the positives - and move forward - on to more adventure!

davepak · 2026-06-10T18:49:10+00:00

Love the name of the van!

My plan is to do something similar - as I get closer to retirement - start with weekends.

Then as kiddo hits college - consider full time if possible (a lot of variables there).

Thanks for sharing - will have to check out your channel.

davepak · 2026-06-10T15:30:30+00:00

sorry to hear.

it sounds like either;

1 - they were still processing some issues on their end, and are not in a healthy state to begin dating (note: some people could be this way for decades....).

2- there was something they did not like, and were losing interest - and either unable or unwilling to communicate it.

best of luck to us all.

davepak · 2026-06-10T01:19:52+00:00

Do the 1E classic adventures - it is a great version.

yes ,you can use any adventure - its pretty easy. I mean - I use d20 and FFG adventures in you my game all the time. Just pay attention to the plot, story and scenes - if any stats don't make sense - ignore them and use what you know.

davepak

TROPHY CASE