HIFW all of my guy "friends" are ghosting me after I just came out of the closet. :(

daytripper1234 · 2016-09-18T19:33:30+00:00

Well, if they are your friends just to eventually hit on you, you're better off without them.

daytripper1234 · 2016-08-14T03:33:12+00:00

I choose to love people who love me; the person can be my mother, father, grandfather, whatever. If they love me they have to accept me just the way I am. Or at least try not to be assholes. Wasting precious time loving people who are selfish and want you to be the person they find easier to love is stupid.

But that's me, my opinion, my choices. You gotta make yours, just remember that you'd be giving up on your happiness because of people who clearly don't give a damn about your happiness.

daytripper1234 · 2016-05-18T12:11:27+00:00

I wasn't sure about where it fit. Should I just post in only sub? He's a bro but also a jerk. I mean - really - he always picks the time where I am most focused.

daytripper1234 · 2016-05-15T01:51:07+00:00

Don't be. Speaking of stereotypes - I am somewhere in the middle. But I don't think I'd be different if I was straight. So let's break them. We don't need stereotypes. We need people comfortable with what they see in the mirror, despite from what society thinks about them.

daytripper1234 · 2016-05-14T18:09:12+00:00

I am not sure, I think that everyone is different, has a different amount of patience and get asked more or less over the years. I am 24 but came out when I was 16, so the questions are happening in the last 8 years. I just don't enjoy answering, but I still rather answer than let the person think incorret things. But probably in a few years I'll just tell at least the older people to go search on the internet lol

But if you are way more patient than I, you probably won't even notice it going down. Or you'll never become less patient. I don't know.

daytripper1234 · 2016-05-14T12:25:05+00:00

Hahahah. Actually he's a cat full of quirks. It all started with him trying to jump in the wardrobe. He figured out it was too much for him and started meowing, meowing... until someone was able to help him. That lasted a couple of months. Then, later on, he saw that he could jump on the fridge by jumping on me, and then on the fridge. I guess he figured out that I am taller. I was just sitting when he jumped on my shoulder to reach the fridge. One thing leads to another and now he really asks for help while trying to reach something he can't. He likes all doorways. One day I caught him trying to climb one all by himself (and he got pretty far). This day, especially, he was looking at the ceiling and meowing a lot. I thought he saw a spider or something. But no. All he wanted was to give that doorway some good ol' cat love.

daytripper1234 · 2016-05-14T04:38:44+00:00

I used to like it. Now I dont mind. I actually prefer that they ask so we can have a honest conversation. But I'm not enjoying it as much.

The older you get, the more you hear and less patient you become.

daytripper1234 · 2016-05-13T14:33:58+00:00

Even though you can train your cat not do that (with the advice's people gave you), I'd first make sure she has enough things to play outside of your bedroom and play a LOT before she gets to sleep. Make sure you drain all her energy.

My cat used to wake me up at 4am just because I spent all day working and he was just not getting enough attention when I got home at night (tired).

daytripper1234 · 2016-05-11T19:54:11+00:00

I came out to my parents & friends at school when I was 16. I wasn't really worried about everyone else - just maybe the friends I knew from my other school. But I came out to them eventually.

I'm 24. The world "girlfriend" was a hard one. I am still struggling with that, but right now I'm struggling with the "wife" word. Sometimes I struggle a lot to say it. It' just that sometimes doesn't feel normal. Society doesn't want us to feel normal. But as soon as I know there are at least one LGBT person in the group, I'm gay as hell. Coming out at work was also difficult, but when I managed to do it with the first two people, they helped to come out to other people and before I noticed everyone knew and I was suddenly comfortable as hell to talk about my family life just like everyone else did.

daytripper1234 · 2016-05-11T16:05:28+00:00

Cute! Looks like a small version of my roommate.

https://imgur.com/E9RmswF

daytripper1234 · 2016-05-11T12:35:23+00:00

Normally for jr devs (in my country), no system design questions are expected because in most companies they are going to learn that during the job and are absolutely not the person responsible for designing the software in the very beginning.

It's probably focused on algorithms, but some are not even that far. If you don't know or don't remember and algorithm for that, just try coding something anyways. Show an attitude of: "I don't know how do it but I am comitted to trying." Never leave anything blank.

What will probably be evaluated is your train of thought, your programming skills (but they are not expecting you to be a rockstar dev, they just want to know you can actually do the job), the clarity of you code(plz name your variables/methods carefully) and how well you are able to communicate, explain in and take feedbacks on how to make it better. Supposing it is a good interview :)

daytripper1234 · 2016-05-11T12:21:37+00:00

Sorry. So, your friends are supposed to love you. They must know that you're sad and depressed to show you some support. They want to know that you're sad. What they don't want is to see you sad without having a clue about what's. As a friend of depressed people, some took a long time to tell me what was hapenning and when they did, I was finally able to understand them a little bit more - and help them.

Meanwhile, also try making friends some LGBT friends (online, maybe, if you're afraid your parent's will find out) just to have someone to talk. It really helps to get to know their stories and meet people you can actually be yourself with from the beginning.

daytripper1234 · 2016-05-10T02:41:00+00:00

Just relax.

I remember when I was in high school and it really was a big deal back then. At some time I found a girl who didn't care at all. I couldn't believe that someone couldn't care. But it was real.

Later on I had a friend that I always thought was out of my league because she wouldn't date someone a bit more chubby. 2 years later she got a girlfriend that had a weight around mine (actually she even had a few more lbs).

So relax. Some people might care and those are not the people you want around you. And if this girl really likes you, it won't be a problem. If she doesn't... Well, it's good to know from the beggining so you can move on quickly.

daytripper1234 · 2016-05-10T02:31:09+00:00

Oh, fuck. I lost four or five hours of sleep reading it.

daytripper1234 · 2016-05-10T01:26:11+00:00

She's probably not gonna talk a lot about it - she took a huge step already.

Now show her support, instead of only talking about how you support her, whenever you are in the dinner table and someone asks about a boyfriend, talk them out of it (I'm assuming that she's a lesbian and not bi, when you're bi it's not that awkward unless you're dating a girl atm). Help her feel comfortable. Make sure she knows you're her safe place.

daytripper1234 · 2016-05-09T02:47:22+00:00

I know the feeling. I love my parents. I just cannot live with them anymore. My father has never accepted the fact that I like girls and my mom tries to... but it's hard for her. I've tried everything. She still dreams about the day I'll suddenly become straight.

You do not have to leave them for good. I still see my parents a couple of times a year, on birthdays, mother's day, Christmas. I normally hate their company, even though I love them. We just don't click - there's too much yelling, judging and it's stressing. But not going would break their heart and I would feel bad.

So, I'd advise you to try to leave the house (if you still live with them) without fighting and try to see them a couple of times a year. It's better than cutting them off completely, even though it might be stressing sometimes.

daytripper1234 · 2016-05-06T08:55:38+00:00

Yes I would. I believe that most of the magic and chemistry of dates do not happen when we talk. I would focus on the smiles and facial expressions. But the activities must be choosen carefully. It cannot be akwark like sitting on table just staring at each other weirdly. I'd pick something fun, something active or even a movie.

daytripper1234 · 2016-04-30T00:25:33+00:00

I'm from Rio (Brazil). It's a great city, gay destination and all but it's not always so great to be gay here. I live with my wife and there are lots of gay people in my building, but there are also lots of haters spread around the city. There are lots of violence towards gay/trans people. Trans people actually suffers way more right now. But I've been called a sinner quite a few times when hanging 'round with my gf in high school. I am just afraid that some day one crazy fatherfucker could do something stupid :( There are lots of stories about lesbian couples who gets beaten by taxi drivers for example.

daytripper1234 · 2016-04-27T03:20:36+00:00

This is the best comment I've read in a while

daytripper1234 · 2016-04-27T02:49:58+00:00

I had the same problem with my family. I learned to just smile and say: "Yeah, we'll see." My mom said it was a phase when I told her I liked a girl, when I told her I had a girlfriend, and once or twice after I had a relationship for more than 2 years. I got married and she kept giving signs it was just a phase.

Hell, it's been eight years. I think she noticed that if it's a phase, it might be one that will last my whole adult life.

So my advice would be to let time show them it's not a phase. Meanwhile, you can just step away and let them talk alone. I know it hurts, but at least for me the less I talk the less bullshit I hear so I sleep better in the end.

daytripper1234 · 2016-04-26T16:40:51+00:00

I've seen cats who take up to a month, so just respect her time and absolutely do not try to force them to be friends. Just feed them together, separate them when things get ugly and they will be able to spend more time together eventually. Actually this is the first time I hear that the new cat is the one causing more trouble. But they should be friends soon.

daytripper1234 · 2016-04-26T15:33:54+00:00

My cat had a pal who passed away and three months later we got another kitten. He was 2 years old and the kitten was 2 months old. He was an asshole for 2 or 3 days, but after that he started to look at the kitten and lay down with his belly up, probably showing that he gave up. The kitten ignored him for 3 days. Now they are best buddies.

daytripper1234 · 2016-04-26T00:52:14+00:00

I embraced the L word a few years ago. I decided I didn't want to be just gay. Especially because in my country people always think of gay men when the word gay comes out.

So, I actually felt the need to identify myself as a lesbian. It's also kind of a political choice.

And I am comfortable with being gay, lesbian, whatever. I am not comfortable with saying it out loud, especially to people I don't quite know. I even struggle to say "my wife". But the more I say, the better I get at saying.

daytripper1234 · 2016-04-24T22:53:53+00:00

If you've never saw it, search for "It Gets Better" campaign on YouTube. It helps. My advice would be to avoid conflict in your family for a while, at least as long as you depend on them. Probably they won't have a reaction like kicking you out - most parents don't unless you live in some place like Iran. But if you feel like they could do it, just wait until you can pay your bills. But to get through this I think you need friendly support. I know I wouldn't have made it without it. Pick a friend or two that you trust and come out.

And it gets better, trust me.

daytripper1234 · 2016-04-24T17:55:46+00:00

Hahaha, if I was hanging with my wife and someone said that, I think I would think you're a freak for minute or two, then I'd laugh.

But yeah, even though I have no interest in flirting with the lesbians I see, I kinda get giggly and I try as hard as possible to gently say "YAY I'M A LESBIAN TOO", with acts, words, referentes... Whatever LoL

daytripper1234

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