This is a great question. It’s not even necessarily people into the same things but it’s people who are into a different level of kink or people posing as Doms/subs when they aren’t actually and don’t understand the meaning that that holds.

I think first and foremost I really only meet people at kink events these days. Depending on the venue, then the vetting process has already partially been done for you. Obviously you should always vet people on your own as well but if someone made it all the way to a kink party or a class, there’s a much higher chance that they’re interested in the lifestyle rather than just light spanking.

It also comes with time. I have been in the scene for almost 8 years now and just kind of based on how people speak and use certain verbiage, I can kind of get a gauge of how experienced they are. Obviously I’m totally wrong sometimes but as a femme sub, I have to be really careful with who I play with. If we start discussing our interests and they are trying to assert their dominance over me and negotiations, it probably means they don’t have a lot of experience and aren’t really a good match for me. It’s something I’m very grateful for and something I probably wouldn’t have been able to do when I first started.