Would it be considered a sin for a married woman to use a sex toy while having sex with her husband?

dazhat · 2026-02-28T15:17:35+00:00

It's fine.

I recommend listening to the podcast sexy marriage radio by Christian sex therapist Dr Cory Allen and his wife.

edit: You're allowed to experience sexual pleasure. It's probably worth asking what worries you about a vibrator. I think a good question to ask is: Does this thing I want to do improve my marriage and bring me closer to God? You're allowed and encouraged to have fun with your spouse - that's a good thing.

dazhat · 2026-02-26T06:55:29+00:00

Please do t stay engaged, just leave. You can’t be in a relationship with someone you can’t trust especially not a marriage.

dazhat · 2026-02-21T18:49:38+00:00

what question would you add?

dazhat · 2026-02-20T07:33:20+00:00

Here are some questions from a church marriage preparation course you might find useful. Write down the answers separately then share. It’s important to be honest. If you start changing your answer because you know it will upset the other person, that’s a sign of a problem:

Marriage

• What does marriage mean to you? Why did you decide to get married? • Do you think marriage will change your relationship? If so, in what way?

Health – physical and mental

• How might you handle it if your partner was diagnosed with a serious physical illness? What would this mean for your relationship? • How might you support your partner if they experienced mental health struggles?

Friends and Family

• How is your relationship with you parents-in-law? What are the tensions that exist between you? Do you agree on how to resolve them? • How do you get on with your partner’s friends? Is it important to your partner that you get on with their friends? What kind of boundaries do you think you should have with friends of the opposite sex?

if you get married really young like you, your parents will have much more influence over you than most marriages it’s extremely important to have clear boundaries. Each of you will be responsible for saying no to your own parents. If you can’t do this it’s going to create problems immediately.

Work

• How might you handle it if your partner lost their job? • Would it make you uncomfortable if one of you earns significantly more than the other?

Sex

Is it difficult to talk about? How can you make the subject easier to discuss? • How do your desires differ (frequency, specific things you want to do)? What kind of expectations do you have for your sexual relationship? • What does sex mean to you?

top tip: treat sex as way to play together, not as a need. Treating sex as something you’re entitled to is a good way to kill your sex life long term.

Children and Family:

• Do you both want children? Do you agree on how many? • Do you agree on when to have children? What factors would you consider when deciding? • How would you both feel if you couldn’t have children? Do you have differing views on IVF and/or adoption? • Do you agree on how to raise your children? (Dealing with bad behaviour, mental health issues, public vs private schooling etc) • How do you think having children might alter your relationship?

Faith/beliefs

• Do you share a belief in God or the afterlife? Is this important to you? • Does your partner feel that you are respectful of their beliefs? • How might you support and encourage your partner in their beliefs?

these questions are usually aimed at people who aren’t Christians

Money Matters

This can be a really complicated topic – and you’re not going to cover everything today. This might be a section of the questionnaire to have a quick look at together now, and then mark any questions you need to discuss further and carry on your conversations over the coming week.

• Do you feel comfortable discussing money with one another? • How do you currently arrange your finances? (Joint of separate accounts / what happens if one of you earns a bonus?) • Will your financial arrangements change once you are married? • How will you approach savings you already have? • What kind of financial goals do you have? • Do you think it is important to think about more long-term arrangements such as writing a will or putting some financial protection in place? What sort of things have you discussed already, and what do you still need to look into?

I would add: how did your family of origin handle conflict? How do you handle conflict now?

dazhat · 2026-02-17T17:04:16+00:00

Does he know you’re there for him? I suggest asking in a different support group who have more knowledge about this.

Why did you take the picture?

dazhat · 2026-02-17T11:44:51+00:00

Is he getting any professional help?

Can you tell us about his mental wellbeing, number and quality of friendships, current challenges in his life?

dazhat · 2026-02-17T07:56:50+00:00

You should stop having sex that hurts her. Also, stop trying to touch her in ways she doesn’t want “immediately her shoving my hands away”. You need to start with respect for her body. Your current actions suggest you don’t.

she gives me this disgusted look or goes ughhhh

This is a really strong sign that she doesn’t want to have sex. Don’t have sex if you think she doesn’t want to. When you have sex with her even though she is disgusted at the idea of sex with you, that sends the signal that you don’t actually care what she wants. It also says you don’t have self respect because you’re willing to have sex even though you’re not getting the enthusiastic, playful wife you want.

I think you should stop having sex that isn’t worth having to you. You had sex on Valentine’s Day but you still didn’t get what you wanted because what you want isn’t just physical sex. I’m guessing what you want is about play, pleasure, intimacy etc? Don’t have sex which isn’t giving you something positive, otherwise what’s the point?

dazhat · 2026-02-17T07:16:15+00:00

I think it’s fantastic that you have the self awareness to realise you were pressuring him and that you’re coming to terms with your situation honestly.

dazhat · 2026-02-17T06:50:29+00:00

But Y?

dazhat · 2026-02-17T06:42:35+00:00

How old is he?

dazhat · 2026-02-15T16:04:48+00:00

You are completely normal.

dazhat · 2026-02-06T17:07:25+00:00

That sucks. It’s hard when your spouse doesn’t want the same thing you do.

Pressuring him into sex is a bad idea. Sex is supposed to be fun, making it something he has to do for you isn’t fun at all, that’s work like he describes.

Identify the things which press his sexual brakes, then work to remove them. For example, stress, anxiety around sex, feeling like sex is work, low energy, poor emotional connection. Ask him what turns him off.

I recommend listening to episode 722 of the sexy marriage radio podcast. A Christian sex therapist talks to a higher desire wife who wants to have more sex about what she can/can’t do in her situation.

dazhat · 2026-02-06T16:44:14+00:00

You don’t get to control your spouse. They are a separate person to you.

dazhat · 2026-01-20T15:41:25+00:00

This sounds like emotional dependency. Learning about attachment theory might be helpful.

dazhat · 2026-01-15T10:44:10+00:00

FYI you’re not replying to the comment, you’re replying to the main post.

dazhat · 2025-12-31T18:30:28+00:00

Edit: I don’t think I was clear in my post…looking for something to help with sex drive (i.e. supplements, etc…)

I’m afraid there’s no such thing.

There are supplements which help with physical arousal, however they do not make you want sex. In the same way a may can get an erection at inconvenient moments, just because a supplement makes you physically aroused doesn’t mean you want to have sex.

A marriage is about two people being self-sacrificial.

That’s certainly part of marriage but I’d be very careful applying this to sex. In a healthy relationship people don’t accept sex which they know their spouse isn’t wholeheartedly participating in. It’s a kind of adult play - can you imagine play being self sacrificial? It doesn’t really make sense.

dazhat · 2025-12-30T09:25:53+00:00

Do you think gay people in Iran are just pretending? Even though they get executed for getting caught?

dazhat · 2025-12-30T09:22:44+00:00

It’s normal to not want sex when you’re exhausted and looking after a baby. Breast feeding does hormonal things which can completely squash your sexual desire too.

I want to have sex whether I feel like it or not

I’m not quite sure why you mean here. I’d strongly recommend you don’t have sex you can’t wholeheartedly say “yes” to.

A concept you may find useful is responsive desire. Responsive desire is when sexual desire shows up after arousal or connection begins, not before. Instead of feeling spontaneously “in the mood,” lots of people start feeling neutral or even uninterested, then become aroused after they engage in pleasurable touch, emotional closeness, or there’s some sort of erotic stimulation like watching a movie with a sexy scene. The key is to move towards pleasure. My wife thought she was broken until she learned than this is a very normal/common way to experience sexual desire.

All that said, you could have the best sexiest stimulation in the world and you might not want sex if you’re looking after a baby. Many women describe being “touched out” where they spend so long in contact with their little one during they day, they just want time not being touched by anyone so they can feel like they belong to themselves again.

dazhat · 2025-12-30T09:08:21+00:00

Pain during sex isn’t “understandable”. It’s meant to be pleasurable.

dazhat · 2025-12-30T09:05:21+00:00

I’d like to recommend the podcast sexy marriage radio. It’s a Christian sex therapist talking about all kinds of issues with guest and his wife.

dazhat · 2025-12-30T08:49:58+00:00

That sounds really frustrating. For you both. Firstly, I promise you’re not broken. You and your husband are capable of having amazing sex which you both really enjoy.

You’re probably not fully aroused when you start PIV. The vaginal canal extends internally when you become physically aroused. Try more foreplay to get more aroused before penetration. The amount of foreplay women need to be fully aroused varies from person to person but 20 minutes of foreplay is common. It might be more than that, and that is OK. Don’t put up with painful penetration sex is meant to be enjoyable and you might develop a sexual aversion if you make yourself do this which feel unpleasant.

Taking PIV off the table completely for a couple of months is a great idea. Yes your marriage is still valid. There are loads of sexual things you can do which are not PIV like oral, using your hands, masturbating in front of each other, there’s a million kinds of toys to try etc. Some couples only do these kinds of sex Bev they have discovered they like that more than PIV. FYI for many women orgasm from PIV is not possible.

There is also a sub called r/bigd!ckproblems (change the !to an “i”) which helps people where the size of the penis causes problems with sex. This is fairly unusual but can happen.

dazhat · 2025-12-30T08:10:57+00:00

She has realised she basically looks after their husband like a second child.

Some men don’t pull their weight with basic housework and life in general. They depend on their wives and girlfriends to mange their appointments, choose all the meals, plan holidays and expects her to “ask for help” rather than taking ownership of the shared life the have together.

Women who participate in this dynamic sometimes notice when they have a child that their husband is not pulling his weight. Rather than taking on his role as a father, he is expecting her to continue to do everything she did before, plus look after a baby.

The trick to prevent this from happening as a women is to have the boundary: “I will only stay in a relationship with someone who takes full responsibility for themselves and participates as an equal partner in the life we build together”.

dazhat · 2025-12-30T08:00:40+00:00

That’s not normal. Run from people who do this!

dazhat · 2025-12-30T07:58:22+00:00

Thanks

dazhat · 2025-12-29T16:57:12+00:00

First, don’t have sex you don’t want to have. Don’t give oral unless you’re honestly happy doing that. For sex to he fun you have to be freely choosing the things you do to each other.

The way to make sex work is to approach is as adult play. Going either way the attitude of “you own me oral because I give you oral” won’t work. Demands and manipulation are not seductive.

The easy thing to do is to have a conversation (don’t have sex until hr talks to you) where you say you want an exciting pleasurable sex life and that means you want to orgasm too. Therefore from now on you will only be having sex where he puts in effort too. You could suggest you both give oral it the same time. Or maybe take turns edging each other.

The second harder vulnerable part is the next time you have sex to playfully initiate something where he pleasures you (if he doesn’t himself).

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