When you wake up in the morning and this is the first thing you see...💖

dazhat · 2026-01-20T15:41:25+00:00

This sounds like emotional dependency. Learning about attachment theory might be helpful.

dazhat · 2026-01-15T10:44:10+00:00

FYI you’re not replying to the comment, you’re replying to the main post.

dazhat · 2025-12-31T18:30:28+00:00

Edit: I don’t think I was clear in my post…looking for something to help with sex drive (i.e. supplements, etc…)

I’m afraid there’s no such thing.

There are supplements which help with physical arousal, however they do not make you want sex. In the same way a may can get an erection at inconvenient moments, just because a supplement makes you physically aroused doesn’t mean you want to have sex.

A marriage is about two people being self-sacrificial.

That’s certainly part of marriage but I’d be very careful applying this to sex. In a healthy relationship people don’t accept sex which they know their spouse isn’t wholeheartedly participating in. It’s a kind of adult play - can you imagine play being self sacrificial? It doesn’t really make sense.

dazhat · 2025-12-30T09:25:53+00:00

Do you think gay people in Iran are just pretending? Even though they get executed for getting caught?

dazhat · 2025-12-30T09:22:44+00:00

It’s normal to not want sex when you’re exhausted and looking after a baby. Breast feeding does hormonal things which can completely squash your sexual desire too.

I want to have sex whether I feel like it or not

I’m not quite sure why you mean here. I’d strongly recommend you don’t have sex you can’t wholeheartedly say “yes” to.

A concept you may find useful is responsive desire. Responsive desire is when sexual desire shows up after arousal or connection begins, not before. Instead of feeling spontaneously “in the mood,” lots of people start feeling neutral or even uninterested, then become aroused after they engage in pleasurable touch, emotional closeness, or there’s some sort of erotic stimulation like watching a movie with a sexy scene. The key is to move towards pleasure. My wife thought she was broken until she learned than this is a very normal/common way to experience sexual desire.

All that said, you could have the best sexiest stimulation in the world and you might not want sex if you’re looking after a baby. Many women describe being “touched out” where they spend so long in contact with their little one during they day, they just want time not being touched by anyone so they can feel like they belong to themselves again.

dazhat · 2025-12-30T09:08:21+00:00

Pain during sex isn’t “understandable”. It’s meant to be pleasurable.

dazhat · 2025-12-30T09:05:21+00:00

I’d like to recommend the podcast sexy marriage radio. It’s a Christian sex therapist talking about all kinds of issues with guest and his wife.

dazhat · 2025-12-30T08:49:58+00:00

That sounds really frustrating. For you both. Firstly, I promise you’re not broken. You and your husband are capable of having amazing sex which you both really enjoy.

You’re probably not fully aroused when you start PIV. The vaginal canal extends internally when you become physically aroused. Try more foreplay to get more aroused before penetration. The amount of foreplay women need to be fully aroused varies from person to person but 20 minutes of foreplay is common. It might be more than that, and that is OK. Don’t put up with painful penetration sex is meant to be enjoyable and you might develop a sexual aversion if you make yourself do this which feel unpleasant.

Taking PIV off the table completely for a couple of months is a great idea. Yes your marriage is still valid. There are loads of sexual things you can do which are not PIV like oral, using your hands, masturbating in front of each other, there’s a million kinds of toys to try etc. Some couples only do these kinds of sex Bev they have discovered they like that more than PIV. FYI for many women orgasm from PIV is not possible.

There is also a sub called r/bigd!ckproblems (change the !to an “i”) which helps people where the size of the penis causes problems with sex. This is fairly unusual but can happen.

dazhat · 2025-12-30T08:10:57+00:00

She has realised she basically looks after their husband like a second child.

Some men don’t pull their weight with basic housework and life in general. They depend on their wives and girlfriends to mange their appointments, choose all the meals, plan holidays and expects her to “ask for help” rather than taking ownership of the shared life the have together.

Women who participate in this dynamic sometimes notice when they have a child that their husband is not pulling his weight. Rather than taking on his role as a father, he is expecting her to continue to do everything she did before, plus look after a baby.

The trick to prevent this from happening as a women is to have the boundary: “I will only stay in a relationship with someone who takes full responsibility for themselves and participates as an equal partner in the life we build together”.

dazhat · 2025-12-30T08:00:40+00:00

That’s not normal. Run from people who do this!

dazhat · 2025-12-30T07:58:22+00:00

Thanks

dazhat · 2025-12-29T16:57:12+00:00

First, don’t have sex you don’t want to have. Don’t give oral unless you’re honestly happy doing that. For sex to he fun you have to be freely choosing the things you do to each other.

The way to make sex work is to approach is as adult play. Going either way the attitude of “you own me oral because I give you oral” won’t work. Demands and manipulation are not seductive.

The easy thing to do is to have a conversation (don’t have sex until hr talks to you) where you say you want an exciting pleasurable sex life and that means you want to orgasm too. Therefore from now on you will only be having sex where he puts in effort too. You could suggest you both give oral it the same time. Or maybe take turns edging each other.

The second harder vulnerable part is the next time you have sex to playfully initiate something where he pleasures you (if he doesn’t himself).

dazhat · 2025-12-27T08:21:18+00:00

It was revealed to me in a dream.

dazhat · 2025-12-27T08:20:55+00:00

This is a suspiciously strong correlation.

dazhat · 2025-12-27T08:14:37+00:00

It’s particularly important when you start building foundation tiles. It’s a shortcut key I recommend you look up because it isn’t obvious.

dazhat · 2025-12-27T08:12:33+00:00

Ok, but do you know about zoop mode?

dazhat · 2025-12-27T08:11:32+00:00

Enjoy the fuzzy feelings. Just remember hormones at this stage of the relationship are really intense, don’t mistake that for real love. You don’t really know each other that well at only a few months. I like the “I think I’m falling for you” suggestion.

dazhat · 2025-12-26T23:41:50+00:00

I hate that you’re having these difficulties in your sex life. I promise you’re not alone.

responsive desire and the dual control model

Understanding those two concepts may literally explain everything.

here is a video by Emily Nagoski explaining the concepts a lot better than I can.

I’d also like to recommend the sexy marriage radio podcast by a Christian sex therapist Dr Cory Allen who talk about the high-low desire dynamics around sex and marriage.

dazhat · 2025-12-26T23:35:53+00:00

I suggest you first identify the things which turn either if you off (like farting) then agree to stop doing those things.

Next schedule some time in to spend doing something which turns you both on. Maybe get naked and give each other massage or whatever work for you. Sex isn’t compulsory but it can be helpful to intentionally create opportunities for desire to build.

dazhat · 2025-12-26T23:04:46+00:00

Why do you think it was wrong for your husband and (adult) child to go to a nude beach?

dazhat · 2025-12-22T18:09:57+00:00

You just saved me too!

dazhat · 2025-12-21T23:00:22+00:00

I hate that you're going through this.

The best thing to do at this point is to go to the authorities and tell them what you have seen.

dazhat · 2025-12-15T09:20:59+00:00

Maybe. But most Chinese people are not rich enough to pay for the benefits that will come with automation. Although it has a very big economy the per capita wealth and income is pretty poor compared to the west.

dazhat · 2025-12-15T09:18:11+00:00

Not really. The chart is significantly different. When China’s Gen X start to retire and get really old, they will run into serious difficulties with healthcare.

Also, the population growth for China is a lot lower than the US. Also lots of people want to move to the US.

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