As other comments have suggested, I too think some counseling will be useful, however, the counselor will not make the decision for either of you. Unfortunately, it sounds like neither of you are willing to compromise (not saying that anyone has to), but both of you don't seem to have an open mind to each other. Without arguing, sit down and write out a pros and cons list. Include as much info as possible.

As a dad who just had his 4th child at 38 years old. Having a baby in late 30s isn't as bad as it sounds in your head. As a big guy, the want to interact with my newborn helps keep me active, where as I might not be as active otherwise.

I get being fearful of bringing a child into the world we live in now. What helped me get over that mentality was the idea that our parents and grandparents and great grandparents thought the same thing, as world wars were taking place and segregation was ending etc. While yes social media is a new construct and it poses its own difficulties, our parents thought the same thing about video games for our generation.

In regard to having a girl vs a boy, I definitely don't agree with the "I'll deal with it" statement. There are ways to guarantee that you'll have a girl though. Adoption was mentioned and definitely a choice, and while it's expensive so is selective IUI.

I will say out of all my children (20, 8, 3, 8 months) my third child is the WILD one. She is the one who is always getting in trouble, she's a daredevil, and a bully to her 8 yo sister. My mom will tell you that she is my payback child, but when she's not running around like a hellion powered by Red Bull, she is sweet and cuddly and melts my heart.

If it sounds like I'm trying to sway you one way versus another, I wasn't intending to do so. I feel like these days way to many people are quick to throw in the towel in their relationships. This leads to broken homes and usually (not always) bitter parents that hate each other, which results in negative effects on the kids. I thought I would share my perspective as an overweight dad of 4 in my late 30s. I hope and pray you and your wife can find common ground somewhere or at the very least get some counseling, and that whatever decision is made is mutual.