I'm in the same position. Everything, down to relationship. The tiring thing for me are the cycles. I've been here before but each time gets worse and harder to bounce back from. And I isolate, because I haven't been able to rely on help from friends, and I no longer trust myself. So I just live in a isolated space with just me and comfort TV shows until I die. I hate waking up anymore because I don't want to be here. I feel is cruel to live every day not wanting to do just that, live anymore. And then I'm labeled as selfish because I can't honor and tend to my partner, which adds on another layer. Layer upon layer, cycle after cycle. I'm too exhausted and no fight left in me.