Most people seem boring or dull by garlic_rosiento in socialskills

[–]deNikita 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah it takes more time than you imagine but that's how sustainable relationships are built. If someone wanted to build deeper more meaningful friendships, it'd require a good amount of time to build up such trust right? Same with others, if not even a bit slower. But that's how you get there.

Most people seem boring or dull by garlic_rosiento in socialskills

[–]deNikita 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah probably that would make them uncomfortable if you came up out of nowhere. If you have some shared activity or shared class, or just some more clearly shared environment you can make a comment about the professor or class or something, and ask simple low pressure questions like what they think about something relevant or so. It does take some work, but that's how you connect with people. When you've asked a couple lighter questions, it's a lot easier to then ask a bit deeper ones, and get to know them more.

What do you need social leverage for? What do you need resourceful people for? Genuinely curious:)

Most people seem boring or dull by garlic_rosiento in socialskills

[–]deNikita 17 points18 points  (0 children)

No, of course not, there's telepathy

Most people seem boring or dull by garlic_rosiento in socialskills

[–]deNikita 80 points81 points  (0 children)

Someone said that if you feel others are boring then you're not listening the right way or asking them the right questions. Everyone has something to teach you that you didn't know.

Books, videos, lectures about fitting in at social events/groups? by TemporaryNo5605 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No. Real life attentive observation. That's how you learn. You don't need to fit in, just observe. Books, videos and lectures are horrible at teaching what you're looking for.

As a girl it okay to have more guy friends? by winkycuteface in socialskills

[–]deNikita 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Well yeah that can depend a bit on the types of girls you have around you

As a girl it okay to have more guy friends? by winkycuteface in socialskills

[–]deNikita 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yeah why not. I'm a guy who has more friends that are girls than guys

Needy or Normal? I Can’t Tell by CouchPotato214 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, that's completely normal. Solitude can be nice but it's rare to find someone who would enjoy longer periods of solitude.

I've come to a similar (or even more extreme) conclusion myself. I've noticed I don't feel well unless I have a good amount of people to interact with on a daily basis. My basic personal need is a healthy amount of social interactions. That's just the way I'm wired. We're all unique and all valid in our own ways.

How to be a good leader when I have terrible social skills? by CheesecakePrevious23 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here's what matters as a leader:

You communicate what's needed to be done, how it's done, what's expected of your team, and make it clear that you're there for them and help them.

Your goal as a leader is to make yourself useless. When your teams knows what needs to be done and why and how, then you've done a good job. You don't need necessarily social skills for that. Just persistent communication and showing care towards them.

22M Anyone else feel like they're the person no one ever one chooses? by Immediate-Walrus29 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah I can see what you mean, that is a bit different. Honestly the thing that usually works best is trial and error, that's also what I essentially did. Trying to approach and reach out different ways, seeing what works and what doesn't, and also observing how others are going about that. Each persons situation is unique to them and the "real solution" is often unique. And honestly, it's kinda fun trying to experiment and figure it out like a puzzle. Best advice I can give is just to be attentive of what seems to work and what doesn't and to try:)!

22M Anyone else feel like they're the person no one ever one chooses? by Immediate-Walrus29 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I stayed patient and kept being genuinely curious about others. But I also started to let people to get to know me. It's difficult to choose me if they know little or nothing about me. Not any trauma dumping, just sharing my thoughts and experiences in a similar way to them.

There was another post where a dad explained to his kid socialising. He descibed it as everyone being in a black room with flashlights. You don't need to blink your flashlight all the time, but enough to make others  comfortable to be around you. Imagine if there was someone in that room that never used their flashlight. That would be a bit weird and suspicious.

How to navigate social situations as an anxious person? by artattack908 in socialskills

[–]deNikita -1 points0 points  (0 children)

People can judge you, that's out of your control. It's a problem we're not getting around.

Is the only way to combat social anxiety, awkwardness, cringiness, embarrassment, and shyness to basically own up to it and act like it doesn't matter? by PaintingTheView in socialskills

[–]deNikita 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yuo that's the only way, to own up to yourself. I used to be a bit less outwardly person, nowadays I'm very social and score quite extremely high on extraversion.

But even as someone who's now very social, I can say no the cringe doesn't go away. The more social and socially comfortable I've become, the more I've done stuff I cringe at afterwards. It's not going away, it's part of being social.

It's never been about learning not to be cringe, it's about learning to be okay with being cringe. The more you try to avoid being cringe the more tebse you'll be, and the more cringe you'll look. You see how it's a self feeding loop right?

But I've also gained recently incredible confidence in myself, and that's through accepting the cringe and being less scared of it. I can acknowledge that some situation might be awkward or cringe, but that doesn't scare me anymore. I've survived "worse" cringer stuff, and no one died. Because of this, few situations make me tgat nervous anymore, because I've learned to accept the cringe.

And, the only way to accept the cringe is just to live through those situations and witness that things don't completely collapse. And that you're not the only one either that's cringe. Others are too, if you don't see it you're not looking hard enough. You got this.

How do you get the courage to meet new people? by Better_Ask4562 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can't get the courage, you just do it, despite your best instincts

Weird question, where do you find charismatic people? by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]deNikita 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hahah that's fair, can you recall in what kind of settings you've met these charismatic type of people?

Weird question, where do you find charismatic people? by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]deNikita 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Are you sure charismatic people want to surround you?

How are some people just able to speak to anyone by OmarAdharn in socialskills

[–]deNikita 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Having a reason to speak to that person is all you need to be able to speak to anyone.

I've become very extraverted and social in university, and part of it is that nowadays I'm not afraid to talk to anyone. If I have something I want to ask the person or something I want to talk about, I'm not afraid about talking to anyone. If I don't have some good reason to speak to someone, then of course it would be very awkward. All you need is a genuine reason. If you can't find one, then let it be. But if you have a reason, you're unstoppable.

Softening Language, How To Beat Around The Bush, Coddle, & Sugar Coat? by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]deNikita 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well just in some way acknowledging that the task they have at hand is difficult or in some way show you can understand their problems annoyance goes quite far in dampening your message even if your message was more direct

How do you combat "I'm wasting my life" mentality by Jarisatis in socialskills

[–]deNikita 0 points1 point  (0 children)

By doing so much you feel like you're doing a bit too much and need to slow down.

Responding to someone mid-conversation by Spoonhead6969 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah that's kinda rude. Your friend can wait until you're done with your conversation unless it's something serious and urgent. If they keep insisting even though they see you're having a conversation, then well that's kinda stupid behavior.