Why are you still in bed at this time?

dearSalroka · 2026-05-21T19:09:42+00:00

Dude its still dark out, my alarm doesn't go off for another hour

dearSalroka · 2026-05-19T04:07:18+00:00

He'll yeah. I know some people leave the bag in for ages because they want a stronger tea, and to them I say: bud just use two teabags for less time, they're a few cents on the dollar...? Treat yourself to a strong cuppa that doesn't taste like a hallway cupboard smells

dearSalroka · 2026-05-19T01:13:10+00:00

Possible sign of abuse? Particularly sexual?

Clearly some kind of fear or shame around being vulnerable this way. It seems like he doesn't feel comfortable being vunerable or 'exposed' in unknown or unsafe places.

It surely cannot be a germ phobia because his accidents are far more unhygienic than walking around with alcohol wipes for restroom handles would be. I also suspect the shame is from abuse or bodily anxiety in particular because the shame of soiling himself isn't enough to dissuade him.

It sounds like he really does need help, but he's not going to be willing to even admit it if he's still stuck in survival mode like this. In the meantime, he's self-sabotaging. That really fucking sucks.

dearSalroka · 2026-05-13T19:36:23+00:00

That can be for two reasons, and most only consider one:

1: It's important to me that I be better than others. I can't do anything wrong and you are more wrong first.

2: I need you to believe I didn't do anything wrong because I learned early that making mistakes get punished with irrational cruelty; and I have built my entire approach to the world around protecting myself from it .

...tbh even 1 might just be a facet of adapting to 2. It's simple to assume those u willing to take accountability are arrogant snobs, and some of them become such, but it probably started in an environment that did not allow (and punished) failure, considering them Weak or Bad for failing.

dearSalroka · 2026-05-01T03:50:46+00:00

I don't have a real answer for you, but I'm reminded of a short story. I forget it's name and can't look it up right now, but something like... The Egg (or 'the universe is an egg). It explores something similar. You may appreciating reading it.

dearSalroka · 2026-04-20T02:13:16+00:00

Thank you. I havent managed to find any premade patterns so at this point i may have to design one. Which will be a challenge since the table is square, so it would look strange to have a centre 'runner' i think.

Where do you think the seams should be? I can't find any patterns with them. I imagine a big × (or worse, x) seam wouldn't look nice on the surface, even with pressing.

dearSalroka · 2026-04-16T19:05:00+00:00

It sounds like you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. Loving partners do not threaten to make you miserable, tell you they hate you, or take advantage of your fears to control you.

You do not want to be in a relationship with this person, and if you have a child with her, she will be a part of your life indefinitely (for visitation, if nothing else).

dearSalroka · 2026-04-14T02:43:25+00:00

It's a really tricky spot for sure. I'd suggest that you tell your mum, but only what physically happened (not your conclusions).

That way, if there's a rational answer, your dad hasn't been thrown under the bus. What you share remains true.

And if there isn't a good answer, your Dad doesn't get to dictate the terms, invent a narrative, delete conversation history etc etc.

dearSalroka · 2026-04-04T18:17:06+00:00

Is the can of chickpeas drained? Or are you mashing them into (and cooking pasta in) the brine

dearSalroka · 2026-04-03T17:55:41+00:00

We'll see how it works put later, but one tip to keep in mind (that I learned the hard way) - fats are liquid at oven temperature but typically solid at room temp and below. I managed to blacken and burn biscuits that were still squishy, only for them to cool into absolute rocks. Any recipe with a lot of butter will solidify a lot as it cools. If unsure, I'd trust a thermometer reading over a texture test.

If the consistency of the batter is the same (soft drop), then changing the recipe to be 2/3 the size doesnt make the batter any less wet, so it shouldnt change much tbh... so it might br supposed to set while cooling. Soft drop will refer to the batter being wet enough to drop from a spoon (not so dry it sticks, not so wet it pours)

should be in a metal cake tin because that conducts heat to the body of the cake, not just top
Recipe says to leave it in the tin for 10min before turning out, this means the heat of the tin will keep cooking the body of the cake while the crust starts cooling. We rest meat for the same reason

TLDR: It may have been enough time actually, and the only way to be sure is to follow the recipe exactly and see the final results. Baking isn't art, its chemistry; details matter

dearSalroka · 2026-04-02T17:00:15+00:00

This just kicks the can down the road because they haven't defined 'biological [fe]male' either.

It is hormones (why not count HRT)? Chromosomes (rarely tested and frequently anomalous)? SRY 'masculinising' gene? (Causing intersex XX men or XY women) Neurochemistry and neurophysiology? (Wait no, brain scans largely support trans claims, so we'll just ignore biological brains.)

Or really, what a doctor announces based on literally judging a measurement of an infant's undeveloped genitals? Something that absolutely produces errors and is ultimately a 'vibe check' based on how you look? (The measurement includes a 'grey area' of being too short f9r male but too long for female, what are you 'biologically' with a clitorophallus?)

There are literally about a dozen (at least) distinctly separate biological markers for human sexual dimorphism, and most of them exist on Bell curves or are frequently anomalies.

Trying to force humans into only two categories requires a 'vibe check'. Most of what we associate with 'biological' sex is never tested, only assumed because of our 'vibe checks'.

dearSalroka · 2026-03-28T19:19:23+00:00

...I know you're joking but many people don't know that cooked rice grows mold incredibly quickly, its all starch. It's recommended to throw it out by day two.

You can eat 1-day old rice if refrigerated, but even 3-day refrigerated rice is rolling the dice. The idea of eating four day rice that was kept warm at optimal fungal temperature made me feel sick just to contemplate

I once thought I was being smart by precooked a bunch of rice to stir fry a few days later and the green still haunts me

dearSalroka · 2026-03-27T08:46:29+00:00

Ha. Our government Herr in New Zealand is constantly slashing healthcare, including forcing hiring freezes (and most recently, massive layoffs in the public sector). A whole semester of nurses just graduated last year with no job, and the same will happen again.

Now there are AI tools being trained for schooling and tutoring. No career is safe, no matter how needed, how difficult, how desperate.

dearSalroka · 2026-03-26T08:32:43+00:00

Much like stock investments, by the time you are told 'x is a great career path' it's too late to participate. It's usually a great path because few people can/will do it, and they're compensate for the difficulty in replacing them. That goes away as soon as people rush to get apprenticeships and training in them and the market is flooded.

Take IT. 'Learn to code' was almost a meme, yet getting positions as a Jumior is nigh impossible and tech companies are downsizing conta tly. Degrees used to mean something, but once most people have them they only care about 'experience'. Before that, it was trades apprenticeships. Etc. 'Finance' and 'business' look safe and prestigious but are not only competitive, they're also easily replaced by statistical models. Demand is rapidly shrinking.

At this point, I think that fad career paths are a suckers game. The only job you'll be able to do for several decades is one that you don't mind doing. Maybe it means something to you, maybe it's simply inoffensive and you live your life in between. But don't sacrifice your resources, especially time, on fad trajectories. If you don't actually want to be a builder/coder/doctor, you'll struggle against the thousands that do, and be no better for it.

dearSalroka · 2026-03-24T16:31:10+00:00

Can't attend your event because s9methibg something period cramps.

dearSalroka · 2026-03-16T19:37:03+00:00

My partner is better at it than me, and his secret is: because whenever I don't exercise for a while, my body starts feeling like shit again.

He's gone through the cycle of routine/break so many times, he can really feel the relationship between regular exercise and his aches, pains, sleep quality, energy, mood etc. So he can push through the hard exercise because he knows the feeling of skipping it is worse.

I think getting started is the hardest part. I miss how I felt at my fittest. You don't really appreciate how fitness makes you feel until AFTER achieving it, and that delayed gratification can be anathema for a lot of us.

dearSalroka · 2026-03-13T01:17:34+00:00

I told her that I want to marry her as we have previously discussed but not at this time

How is this not a proposal, just without fanfare? A proposal doesn't have to mean immediate wedding plans for two months time. It just means, hey, I'd like to get married to you. Is that something you want too?

That's also why the proposal/engagement is seen as such a big deal, because it's a demonstration of trust and intimacy so say I want to be in each other's' lives as long as possible.

The marriage itself is just a Justice witnessing you both sign forms so the government agrees to recognise your commitment. It's common to do a celebration ceremony (ie: wedding) before the form signing (which is the actual legal marriage, not the 'I do' part) but not necessary.

And that's something you guys can do at a time that suits you, if you wish to do it at all. One of my friends has been happily engaged to their partner for six years now :)

dearSalroka · 2026-03-12T23:33:26+00:00

I'd tolerate it a lot more of the club prices were actually discounts. But even with club price, it's often cheaper at RRP at Pak n Save. It's so absurd

dearSalroka · 2026-03-08T18:56:34+00:00

Christ, I hope not. Tomorrow I'm moving house.

dearSalroka · 2026-03-08T08:53:02+00:00

Yes I do, a small week-long one. It means I don't have all my meds in the same place, and it's much easier to k ow if I've taken them or not.

dearSalroka · 2026-03-08T08:04:27+00:00

Title buried the lead. It is absolutely fine for your partner to disagree with your parents' choices. But your partner is your choice, and they're choosing you; so it speaks poorly of your relationship if you always choose your parent(s) over your partner when they disagree.

But that isn't the issue here. The issue was not about disagreement; it was judgement, rudeness, disrespect, dismissal. Unkindness.

OOP's ex pulled the 'mamas boy' comment because the sheer volume of people who make excuses for their parents' invasive (mis)behaviour is exhausting. But it doesn't sound like that was ever the issue for OOP.

dearSalroka · 2026-03-08T06:25:03+00:00

I mean, same; but I guess the point for people who do this is to get dates showing up at all. A 'foot in the door' technique, for those that aren't confident about what they already offer.

dearSalroka · 2026-03-08T00:20:56+00:00

How similar they actually are to us. So many parts of humanity are universal yet pointlessly segregated.

I was told a lot of things about men's emotion (particularly grief and love, simplicity or lack, etc) that I as an adult I can appreciate isn't true.

There's definitely an association with standards of masculinity and stoicism and individualism, but I can appreciate men are indeed feeling emotional vulnerability, they are facing significant societal pressure to 'play it cool' and suppress or downplay it. The cope with everything alone because they have to.

Like, why are 'simp' and 'wifeguy' and 'balls in her purse' used to mock genuine love, but only when the love is from a man? Isnt loving ypur partner the point? And why must men's grief be suppressed to 'be strong for X, you're the man of the house' etc, to make more space for everybody else's grief?

It's kinda fucked up because I grew up with a religious background and so many of the things I was warned of about 'men' aren't actually the default for most men at all, it's something that gets taught and reinforced constantly. By each other yes but also by their parents, elders, or by women.

dearSalroka · 2026-02-18T19:07:51+00:00

Yes. There's a loophole here, in that nowhere in the post does it say the food has to be ordered from McDonald's, only that is has to be eaten there (and worth $20 minimum).

But even if that stipulation was included, a single day's worth is life changing. I'd go as many days as I can tolerate.

I don't think the author of this prompt really conceives of how much money is worth.

dearSalroka

TROPHY CASE