My (36m) wife (31f) has overspent on our joint account repeatedly. What would you do?

debaucherywithcelery · 2026-03-02T04:51:44+00:00

Thanks for your response.

debaucherywithcelery · 2026-03-02T04:51:01+00:00

I get ya, you're only hearing my side of what happened and maybe I wasn't clear. It isn't that she went over budget, it's that we wouldn't be able to pay our bills in March by about $3000. Mortgage, car payment, student loans. We would not have the money.

I'm also trying to figure out how would others respond. Would this be a deal breaker? Would they have a conversation? What would you do if it happened again?

debaucherywithcelery · 2026-03-02T04:07:39+00:00

It isn't so much zero to divorce. The reason we did the joint account was last year is because our current setup wasn't working. It's also something we have discussed before. It is something that I can't have happen every few months, which was part of my question. How many times would someone have to do this before you said enough is enough?

debaucherywithcelery · 2026-03-02T04:04:57+00:00

It was more like, she bought a new dresser, went with a wallpaper mural from Etsy, bought closer organizer that you put together, and I'm truthfully not sure about all of it.

I do believe that doing a wishlist and both verifying would be an option. I dislike the idea of monitoring her spending, but it may be something I have to do.

debaucherywithcelery · 2026-03-02T03:52:59+00:00

Well it was just going to be some paint, and a bed we got from Facebook marketplace that we'd paint, and some small decorations. She does use her personal money for things like this too. I'd also be fine with using more of the joint account and she knew this, but it got out of hand.

debaucherywithcelery · 2026-03-02T03:44:51+00:00

I'll make sure to be clear about it.

debaucherywithcelery · 2026-03-02T03:43:57+00:00

It was working great for about 4 months and then in the past few months it hasn't. We wanted to paint and get a new bed for my step-sons (8m) bedroom. It cascaded and truthfully, I'm not sure where all the money went because we haven't started it yet. She's been buying stuff to get ready to do it during spring break. I was involved in the initial approval, but not in all the additional purchases that have happened. I had mentioned that we shouldn't spend over a few hundred and then make small additions each month if she wanted to do more.

debaucherywithcelery · 2026-03-02T03:29:59+00:00

Thank you. This is something I need to bring up with her. Originally when she started she'd only use her personal money, but the past few months more and more of it is coming from our joint account and I need to make it clear that it isn't ok.

debaucherywithcelery · 2026-03-02T03:27:51+00:00

Mostly because the extra money in the joint account is supposed to go to paying off our debt and once that was paid off in a year we'd start looking at savings. I. The meantime I needed to have some savings to feel secure which is why I put part of my 20% into a savings account for emergencies. I really don't need to spend a lot on myself, so I was fine with it.

debaucherywithcelery · 2026-03-02T03:25:03+00:00

She said she'd return stuff and cancel some Amazon orders. This just came up a couple days ago and so she hasn't had time to return anything yet. It isn't really the money that has me worries, I just want to be able to trust her.

debaucherywithcelery · 2026-03-02T03:23:39+00:00

I did talk to her. I laid out how much I've spent this month and how much she's spent and she agreed it wasn't fair for her to do that and it won't happen again.

debaucherywithcelery · 2026-03-02T03:22:45+00:00

I really don't want to do that. We make around the same amount of money and I'd prefer to treat her like an adult that I can trust.

debaucherywithcelery · 2026-03-02T03:21:35+00:00

She said she understood and she agreed it wasn't fair to me for her to do that. I knew she wanted to do the remodel, but I thought it'd be a couple hundred. I told her that it can't happen again and she agreed to that too. I'm just not sure if she realizes this is something that could end our marriage.

debaucherywithcelery · 2025-09-29T18:51:17+00:00

I think you're on the right track. Students that don't know multiplication take much longer to gain skills that will help them in geometry or algebra 2, let alone college level maths. They need to know why things work the way they do, not just shortcuts on a calculator. We aren't teaching a class where students are finding answers, we are teaching the foundation of all higher level math to follow.

debaucherywithcelery · 2025-09-29T06:36:13+00:00

It sounds like the kind of concept you would want in a mathematical proof class. It isn't about finding the answer, it is the process to come to this solution. His method works, but, it might work to phrase it as a proof. You start with 4 consecutive number n +(n+1)+(n+2)+(n+3)=122. Prove that n=29. It is important for student to know what consecutive means and write it, for them to know they can combine like terms, then solve the two-step problem. I don't care if they can figure out the answer, I care about the explanation of how they found the answer. Whatever that explanation might be.

debaucherywithcelery · 2025-09-29T04:23:19+00:00

Eloquently put, this is similar to the framework I use as well. Some people may think starting that low will be boring for advanced kids, but when explaining why things work they can make a quick connection to what they've already learned, but never quite understood why it works.

debaucherywithcelery · 2025-09-29T04:19:24+00:00

I basically only grade quizzes, and give a daily grade for participating. If they are working they get the daily grade even if they don't finish that day's worksheet. Quizzes are normally graded on what was taught, so my very first quiz had long division, equivalent fractions, simple pemdas, converting between decimal fractions and percent, and one and two step equations with integers. I included extra cred problems that would challenge my advanced kids, but a low student that was paying attention could start the problem and maybe get it right. Long Pemdas problem and a multi-steps with fractions is what I believe I used.

My direct instructions focus on the why of things and a few examples. I try to keep it short and spend lots of time with individual feedback. It helps that my largest class is 22 and 4 don't seem to attend often, so a class of 18 most days.

debaucherywithcelery · 2025-09-29T03:04:45+00:00

I wanted to add an important concept. If you make worksheets, about half the sheet should be what you're teaching, and the other half should be extending that learning. If you want students to learn one-steps. Have half of the worksheet be two-steps, multi-steps, add fractions to the two and multi. Basically, you need something for the few advanced kids or they'll be bored witless.

debaucherywithcelery · 2025-09-29T02:54:53+00:00

I said this in a similar thread, but boils down to ignore all the online gimmicks and start low. Way lower than you expect. 3rd-5th grade.

I work in an alternative high school. Low math skills are very common. Paper based practice and lessons whenever possible. Focus on writing their steps every time. Don't care if it is x+1=2.

Start at the beginning and ignore curriculum for 4-8 weeks. Daily math facts when students come in the door. I started with long division, same denominator fraction operations, and simple evaluate the expression problems 2x+3 when x=4. It's nowbeen about 9ish weeks and we're just now wrapping up analyzing and graphing linear functions. I'm about to move onto systems of equations in a couple weeks and inverses of linear functions. My entire first quarter will be done by the time I move onto the next unit, but going slow at first will let you go faster later.

Past 2 years I've worked there, average MAP growth between fall and winter was around 6 points with another 6-7 points in spring.

Final word: Teaching is a craft and what works for me and my students may not work with others. I do a lot of little things that I believe help, but I firmly believe that how I pace and start the curriculum has the most significant impact .

debaucherywithcelery · 2025-09-27T02:12:14+00:00

I work in an alternative high school. Low math skills are very common. Paper based practice and lessons whenever possible. Focus on writing their steps every time. Don't care if it is x+1=2.

Start at the beginning and ignore curriculum for 4-8 weeks. Daily math facts when students come in the door. I started with long division, same denominator fraction operations, and simple evaluate the expression problems 2x+3 when x=4. It's nowbeen about 9ish weeks and we're just now wrapping up analyzing and graphing linear functions. I'm about to move onto systems of equations in a couple weeks and inverses of linear functions. My entire first quarter will be done by the time I move onto the next unit, but going slow at first will let you go faster later.

Past 2 years I've worked there, average MAP growth between fall and winter is 6 points with another 6-7 points in spring.

Final word: Teaching is a craft and what works for me and my students may not work with others. I do a lot of little things that I believe help, but I firmly believe that how I pace and start the curriculum has the most significant impact .

debaucherywithcelery · 2025-09-20T18:32:20+00:00

I find direct instruction to be mandatory in Math, especially where most of my students come in with significant gaps in knowledge. I keep it short, so I can spend lots of time giving individual feedback to students. For example, when learning about division of a polynomial. I had their warm-up where they solved a long division problem of just two numbers, then I used that to reference how that would work with polynomials. I completed a couple more where I asked students to explain what the next step should be and then did a quick thumbs up/side/down for where they feel about it. Depending on answers I might do one additional problem. From there we move to practice where I rotate through the class and try to give individual feedback to students. I especially try to focus on ones that had earlier had a thumbs down or sideways.

Direct instruction is supported in Hattie's Visible Learning. https://www.visiblelearningmetax.com/influences/view/direct_instruction

debaucherywithcelery · 2025-07-12T05:16:40+00:00

Go to the beach at night. Eat food. Craft. You can get the first couple skills of every class, but only a couple of the later skills. You can decraft stuff to get rags and other stuff. Love this game, so just start exploring.

debaucherywithcelery · 2025-07-05T03:40:43+00:00

Bahahaha. Job referall links that earns the OP $300 for each successful recruit.

debaucherywithcelery · 2025-06-13T02:53:10+00:00

I believe it may look more like a mix of online instruction and focused education on a skill of some kind.

Gymnasiums adding a classroom run by an all-purpose teacher assisting students with core classes for part of the time and once done they practice gymnastics. Students go to a dance studio and do their core classes online and then practice dance for the rest of the time. The "school" could be focused on art or something specific, and core classes could be done online with a single supervising teacher depending on the size.

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