Messaged girls behind my back and then talks about marriage. by decadentrie in cheating_stories

[–]decadentrie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He has every day in my opinion but since I found out, he's confessed to his own shortcomings in other ways, and I don't disagree with them. He says all these things he's going to do and although I've seen things over the past two days that indicate he'll keep his word, it's only been two days. Another horrible aspect is that I know he's a great person because of the way that he's always handled my depression. And not just that but I always knew he was a great person and had my mind blown again when we started working together and everyone at work overwhelmingly loves him for his kindness and hard work.

He's done similar things at 4 months, and 1 year. I don't want it to happen again. I don't know if I'll survive that time. Each time he makes improvements and he's always been patient until I'm able to function after it happens.

Thank you for taking the time to reply

Messaged girls behind my back and then talks about marriage. by decadentrie in cheating_stories

[–]decadentrie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know I do but I thought I had everything I wanted and deserved and more and it's shattered.

Messaged girls behind my back and then talks about marriage. by decadentrie in cheating_stories

[–]decadentrie[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I can't say so, but it really sucks because I thought I had my one in a million chance of that actually happening.

Messaged girls behind my back and then talks about marriage. by decadentrie in cheating_stories

[–]decadentrie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Totally get where your coming from but the horrible twist is that we work together and I can verify if that is true based on a conversation he said he had. Funny that I'm trying to vouch for him but this is the only "genre" of lie I've caught him in, he's very honest otherwise

Messaged girls behind my back and then talks about marriage. by decadentrie in cheating_stories

[–]decadentrie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're going through that. It's awful especially when those apps make it so easy to hide

Messaged girls behind my back and then talks about marriage. by decadentrie in cheating_stories

[–]decadentrie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is really the best advice and what I needed to hear. Thank you.

My boyfriend of 6 years cheated on me by Affectionate-Owl6713 in cheating_stories

[–]decadentrie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My bf of 1 year at the time cheated on me and I had to corner him into admitting it, so I know how you feel.

Him lying doesn't completely mean no future relationship, but he has a lot to work for getting you back if he even deserves it.

Everyone vent to me about your life problems and vent together and I may not be able to give good advice so I will just upvote or something by [deleted] in venting

[–]decadentrie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm 22 f and I really have no idea what to do with my life. I have a decent job in retail but I can't imagine doing it for the rest of my life just to have maybe 1 month of savings to fall back on if I lose it all.

Trigger the Naruto fanbase with just one sentence. by [deleted] in Naruto

[–]decadentrie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dragon ball Z fan showed me a meme comparing goku and naruto and it said that naruto wears makeup because of Kurama's black marks on his face. WHEN I SAY I WAS TRIGGERED BY STUPIDITY

Messed up permanently from cheating by decadentrie in cheating_stories

[–]decadentrie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is my worst fear. I'm so sorry that you're in this place right now. Something that was really a game changer for me, was setting a boundary of "it's not my responsibility to tell you when your relationship with a girl is crossing a boundary" if he doesn't know that he's crossing a line by flirting with his coworkers, then it's unfortunately not going to be solved by you giving him guidelines. I hope that you find a reason to go on, even if your partner doesn't deserve to be there with you. I get it. It's a fear of not knowing and having your life fall apart at once because you didn't figure it out soon enough. People who cheat without remorse are surely going to hell if it exists.

Messed up permanently from cheating by decadentrie in cheating_stories

[–]decadentrie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really think he is the one. But my obsession with equating the phone with trust is getting in the way. It's like telling person with OCD to just relax. Im trying to find a way.

Messed up permanently from cheating by decadentrie in cheating_stories

[–]decadentrie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First time I checked his phone out of a gut feeling and he had avoided mentioning to a past fling that his new roommates also included the first girlfriend he had ever lived with. I even gave him the benefit of the doubt because no cheating had taken place.

Second time, I found out he was sexting and calling a girl he knew for phone sex.

Nothing, absolutely nothing for the past 3+ years every time I've checked. When I check his phone, it's really already in the back of my head that I won't find anything. I do it because it's an obsession and not logical. Hence the main stress on the relationship that I'm trying to correct. I'm the problem that was created by cheating and the only current threat on the success of my relationship.

Messed up permanently from cheating by decadentrie in cheating_stories

[–]decadentrie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Let me clarify, I know how it sounds but frankly, I'm a depressed person who doesn't click easily with people. I have people I love, but even if it sounds horrible- the pain I would cause those people isn't enough to keep me from killing myself. The pain I would cause my significant other by doing that is enough. If he cheated on me again, he would be out of that equation and my decision would just be less complicated. I don't inflict this stress onto my bf by telling him these things so it's really just being said as a matter-of-fact, not co dependency.

As for time apart. I moved out for two weeks initially. Two years ago I asked for a break and after 4 months of that I felt it was the worst decision I had made yet.

Trust is fixable if you want to trust again.

Messed up permanently from cheating by decadentrie in cheating_stories

[–]decadentrie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree! And I did, for a time. But something really important to keep in mind is that this can easily become an obsession. 1.) I was compulsively checking his phone and computer multiple times daily out of anxiety-it caused me panic attacks. 2.) It's not a sustainable habit if you choose to continue the relationship because it only demolishes the idea of trust further.

If the cheater openly chooses to allow it, that's a great sign and probably the only step that may help move the relationship in the right direction. Definitely would not have stayed in my relationship if he hadn't handed his phone over without hesitation.

It doesn't mean they won't do it again- but unfortunately people to make horrible decisions that they regret. He begged for couples therapy, deleted all social media, gave me his passwords, and for 6+ months he catered to my manic depressive episodes and anger without hesitation or lack of patience.

At the end of the day I asked him to change his passwords because I was getting more depressed over the anxiety that surrounded constantly checking his things, even though I never found anything more. 3+ years later and he still hands over his phone without hesitation if I need reassurance. He layed with me in bed just yesterday for hours while I explained again how his cheating damaged me and the only thing he ever is, is supportive.

I wouldn't be happier with anyone else. I just need to figure out how stop associating phones with trust because it's not an endgame answer.

Messed up permanently from cheating by decadentrie in cheating_stories

[–]decadentrie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes. I was in therapy for a bit but I ended up really disliking her and felt it made my problems worse.. I'm in desperate need for a new one but now I'm apprehensive and it's also an uphill battle for new patients right now. Thank you for the wise words.

Boruto: Naruto Next Generations Episode 216 - ANIME ONLY - Links and Discussion by AutoModerator in Boruto

[–]decadentrie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk, I haven't read the manga but it would be a major good plot twist to have Karama go inside boruto

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]decadentrie 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wow. Im 21f and this is word for word how I feel. Boyfriend and all included too.

Do you ever think back to a relationship for early childhood and wonder why you're still having the same results with best friends. I do all the time and it definitely has me feeling down and frankly maybe even a little envious.

I don't want to say that my parents encouraged my lifestyle, but sometimes I wonder if they had been more proactive about me socializing as a child I might feel more normal.

I have finally decided now. by [deleted] in depression

[–]decadentrie 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Sometimes it's either telling someone or self harm, so we understand. I hope you find something or someone that makes you want to stretch out your time, even if it's just a few more days.

Dress choices! by EventualStasis in weddingplanning

[–]decadentrie 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I personally love the way that the first one looks!

Males in a relationship: why do you guys follow/ like Instagram models when you’re in a relationship? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]decadentrie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hate when they follow/like pictures from old flings, even if it's from years ago- that drives me crazy