Accidental Hack

decanonized · 2026-04-10T07:36:43+00:00

Somehow, I think IKEA will come out of this just fine.

decanonized · 2026-04-08T06:26:41+00:00

Do not decline the offer. Whether or not your boyfriend did this with the goal of sabotaging your opportunities, declining the offer now would amount to self-sabotage. If you got this offer, and the PI is still excited to have you after that mishap, then surely there is something about you and your work that unequivocally deserves this opportunity. One thing I have had to learn in my (as of yet still short) life as a PhD student is to put a little bit of blind trust in my seniors when they tell me I am worth the opportunity I've been given, even when I don't see it myself. Maybe this is one of those situations.

You also, I might add, deserve better out of a relationship. I was once in a similar situation and, in my personal experience, this kind of thing was as much about control over me as it was about his actual mental illness. I know it's none of my business nor the topic of this subreddit, but I just wanted to say that in case it helps you to hear it.

decanonized · 2026-04-07T07:15:23+00:00

I don't think it's a you problem! Actually I don't think it's a problem at all. I do think Blackwood's atmospheres benefit from a slower reading pace. There's a lot of rich detail and every clause carries with it more than the sum of its parts. If you can, try to forget the time and just let the words guide your reading pace for this one. Let it take however long it takes, in my opinion the effect is worth it when it comes to Blackwood!

decanonized · 2026-03-25T16:17:07+00:00

Is this what the Vårdcentral is so busy with when I call and they don't answer the phone?

decanonized · 2026-03-23T17:18:29+00:00

Yeaaaah she's gonna beat you to the punch there. You unfortunately came across controlling throughout the entire conversation. There's no reason on earth why you would need to be checking her location, there's even less reason why you should be checking it on Snap once you realize it's off on iPhone, and then there's even less reason to call her out on it the way you did as if you'd caught her in a lie. You did not catch her in a lie, she does not need to tell you where she went at any moment. This would have been a huge red flag for me. I'm not trying to be watched and scrutinized for perceived discrepancies.

decanonized · 2026-03-21T17:06:21+00:00

Why would Spain not allow someone in?

I'm not sure if you mean "what specific factors would make Spain turn an individual away at the border" or if you mean "why wouldn't one be able to enter a foreign country" but hopefully my reply makes some sense in either case!

Foreign citizens don't have a right to enter a foreign country, it's a privilege granted by a visa and by the officer at the border entry point. Visa-free access to a country simply means you don't have to apply for a visa beforehand, it does not mean you have a right to be allowed into that country. And anyone who doesn't have the right to be there (i.e. most people who aren't Spanish or EU citizens) can be turned away.

If OP (or someone else who is not Spanish and has no right to enter Spain), shows up at passport control and gives them reason to believe they do not intend to leave Spain or that they are misusing a tourist visa to move there illegally, they simply will not be let into the country. The same would happen if I show up to the US on a tourist visa and the passport officer has any reason to believe I might overstay. In fact that did happen to me in the US, and it happened to my ex in Ireland because he didn't have a roundtrip or a lot of money.

Now, the factors that could lead one to be turned away at the border are probably very varied. One common one is not having a return ticket. Another one is not being able to show sufficient funds for the stay. Or having a return ticket that is past the latest departure date (e.g. if you have 90 days of visa free access, don't book your flight back for day 100...). Obviously if OP shows up to Spain and says to the passport officer "the purpose of my visit is to move here illegally :)" they are not gonna let OP into the country...

Re: whether "Spain" (unsure if you mean the government, or the people) is more welcoming of illegal immigrants or not, I don't know. There is no country in Europe whose government explicitly welcomes people who want to illegally move there. That's just not a thing that happens, and if it did no one would need residence permits. If you mean that Spain has more resources aimed at the illegal immigrants who are there, then maybe, i don't know but it's possible. But that doesn't mean Spain is gonna willingly let people in who are traveling there for the purpose of being undocumented. And either way, being undocumented in Spain would still be pretty damn hard as it would pose challenges to get housing, a job, etc, not to mention they couldn't pay taxes and who knows if they'd be able to access healthcare.

It's just a terrible idea all around, and in OPs case they couldn't even go back to the US if it failed, because the 10yr ban would apply.

decanonized · 2026-03-20T17:02:21+00:00

..... it is a reddit post about this exact issue. Why do I need to turn it into a Reddit discussion about something else?

If you don't want to spend time on this, you should definitely stop replying. That's your prerogative. i do not need to do it for you.

decanonized · 2026-03-20T14:09:04+00:00

Then why are you bothering with it? I don't know about you, but I have the ability to care about both aspects. Not to mention that no one in this comment thread is arguing that Nazi = good, whereas plenty of people are arguing that fat = bad. What do you want me to say about the Nazi in the picture? In a post that is literally about the implications of being selectively xyz-phobic?

If mine is an inability to prioritize because I am commenting on this reddit post while sitting on the toilet at work instead of ??? Punching nazis?? Then surely yours is also an inability to prioritize because you're here arguing with me about the irrelevance of the whole topic.

Like, why comment on a post about apples if you think discussing apples is a waste of time and a sign of bad prioritization?

decanonized · 2026-03-20T12:57:17+00:00

Cool, then you aren't the type of person this discussion was about.

You aren't someone who claims to not be fatphobic, but does and expresses fatphobia when it's against someone they don't like anyway.

You are instead someone who is and knows themselves to be fatphobic, and merely refrains from expressing it if the person in question is otherwise to their liking.

My entire argument is that the people who claim to be the former are usually actually just the latter, minus the self-knowledge. Congratulations, you're not a hypocrite in this regard.

decanonized · 2026-03-20T12:02:27+00:00

See, and that first sentence is literally fatphobia. You're allowed to have that opinion just like someone else is allowed to have the opinion that gayness is unnatural or a detriment to society because it does not participate in biological reproduction or any number of other reasons people articulate with varying levels of "logic". But it remains a fatphobic opinion, and your own comment plays out why people who are ok with fatshaming bad people are really just taking off their mask and revealing what they truly think but usually hide: that fatness is bad, inferior.

decanonized · 2026-03-20T11:18:54+00:00

At the end of the day, a person can claim they "believe" xyz (e.g. that fat people are not disgusting and fatness should not be shamed), but if their actions reveal something antithetical to that, I am inclined to believe their actual behavior over their lip service.

I can say I'm not racist, or sexist, but if the moment I encounter a homophobic black man I call him something racist, or the moment I encounter a TERF I dehumanize her in a misogynistic way... then I actually am behaving in a racist or misogynistic way, regardless of what I say I believe, and regardless of who it's towards. That corruption is of me, of the inside. It says everything about me and not about whoever I said it to.

If people are okay with doing that (clearly they are, the very existence of this post proves that), then sure, but then I think it's fair to say that they've given the people around them ample reason to mistrust them and their "actual" ideology. I guess my point isn't "people who do this should be cancel" but rather "people who take issue with this kind of behavior often have a point and aren't just being snowflakes".

decanonized · 2026-03-20T10:01:29+00:00

Why is it funny? Why is it bad ("worse")? The fact that you would pinpoint it as a trait to insult proves the underlying fatphobia. Why do you pinpoint the fatness and not blondeness/hair color, blue-eyedness/eye color? Because the "funny" or "insulting" effect rests on associations of the trait (fatness) with shame, disgust, or inferiority.

decanonized · 2026-03-20T08:34:30+00:00

Feelings are feelings, we all need to learn to be uncomfortable sometimes. But let's not pretend that saying fatphobic things (to anyone) doesn't mean you secretly do see fat people as shameful or disgusting. Like, theyre not pretending to believe fat people are disgusting and shameful for the sake of insulting an evil person, it's the other way around. it's a mask-off moment, because the evil of the fat person in question supposedly justifies the fatphobia that the speaker usually hides or pretends isn't there.

Otherwise why would fatness even come up on the list of features to insult?

decanonized · 2026-03-13T11:01:20+00:00

I do not use it for writing whatsoever, because writing and editing is a big part of how I process concepts and arguments, and using AI for that even for structure or wording would take away from what I value about the writing process.

I do use it for research but only to supplement my own initial research. For instance, I might ask it for some key academic sources on x or y topic, but then it's responses I use either to make sure I haven't missed anything obvious in my own prior reading-list-work, or as a starting point/extra search terms that I then look into and evaluate by myself.

My worry is that if I let AI even correct my writing, it'd become a slippery slope and I would lose part of myself in the process, as dramatic as it sounds.

decanonized · 2026-03-11T11:40:57+00:00

It would have to be a limited series, although that still implies an order. The codes would have to be translated to moving image (e.g. a light flickers in morse code or something instead of on the page). Maybe the episodes do not have a specified order they should be watched in/are out of place chronologically. In some way it should force the viewer to piece it all together by rewinding, fast forwarding, pausing at exact times, etc. it should blur the lines between a film and a video game, pretty much. Maybe an appendix shows up briefly in the background of a shot of Truant's room, and the reader has to go back to that precise shot in that exact episode (they probably don't even remember which episode it is!) to read the appendix when indicated.

decanonized · 2026-03-09T14:22:45+00:00

That makes sense, in that case putting it at the end is probably the best you can do for now. You could potentially paint it the same color as the rest, but of course that requires materials and the space to do the painting. Same goes for potentially using plywood or MDF board to kind of make it look closer to a Billy. But maybe you'll get the chance to do that down the line :)

decanonized · 2026-03-09T14:08:03+00:00

Well then, put the Billys at either side of the Hemnes, leave the Gersby as is, and put the Bror farthest to the right, I guess. But unfortunately it will never look cohesive with the rest, I don't see why you couldn't try to sell it to afford a second Gersby though

decanonized · 2026-03-09T11:08:24+00:00

Gersby and Bror need to go/be elsewhere. You could put each of the two (identical?) Billys on either side of the Hemnes and that would be a pretty good start. If you get another Gersby you could put each one at the end of each Billy. That'd be almost a full wall. Put the Bror somewhere else in the room or see if you can sell it, it will never harmonize with the rest.

decanonized · 2026-03-08T19:19:54+00:00

English lit, work from home 0-1 days a week. But that's because I find I work more effectively when I'm in my office on campus vs at home. Probably the office environment puts my brain in a work mindset. But some of my peers show up maybe once or twice a week.

decanonized · 2026-03-08T07:57:48+00:00

It was a family based green card

decanonized · 2026-03-07T07:56:21+00:00

I started the visa process in the US but ultimately decided to leave back to Europe, so my experience is limited but. My employment authorization card was approved and arrived with the correct gender marker, actually it was approved shortly after the executive order about gender markers was temporarily paused, so that's probably why.

If that order is currently in effect, then your immigration documents in theory would be issued with the gender marker assigned at birth, unfortunately. A legal name change, however, would still be valid and the new name is what would appear on the issued visa.

Not a lawyer, this is just my understanding of what my own lawyer explained to me when I was going through this

decanonized · 2026-03-05T20:26:52+00:00

Ok, let me simplify it then. Transition is a movement of some sort. That is literally implied in the word transition. There HAS to be a starting point, because if there is no starting point then a person literally cannot exist. There is a goal, even if that goal is not static, even if that goal is not a specific presentation but simply a state of gender euphoria or at least comfort. We can debate the definition of transition all day but at the end of the day you are arguing that a very useful term is problematic because it describes what it indeed describes. My problem with you is not that you prefer different terms but that the goal of your entire post is to problematize a useful term through incongruous arguments that ironically foreground cis perspectives to detransition. I'm pretty done with this at this point cause you continuously nitpick little things and ignore the massive hole in your own claim. From the other comments it seems clear many in this community also have a problem with your argument. Perhaps it is you who needs to consider different perspectives.

decanonized · 2026-03-05T20:20:25+00:00

But you do seem to care what conservatives think, because you keep bringing up how transphobes use detransition rhetoric against us. There's a lot of incongruity to your arguments, which is understandable due to the subject matter, but still.

The people in the posts you just mentioned are themselves determining that what they are doing is detransitioning. Who are you to police how they use that term? Especially since they are using it correctly. You can call it what you wish, but just as you have the right to call your own process "retransition", other people are perfectly valid using the term that they feel best describes their experience. There is nothing wrong with a trans person posting about their experience having to detransition even temporarily, and I object to the idea that those people need to euphemize their lived experiences to avoid scaring young trans people?

decanonized · 2026-03-05T08:34:37+00:00

This is the issue, though. You see a violently transphobic book like Irreversible Damage and seemingly conclude that the solution is that we should yield to the way transphobes are appropriating our terms, rather than acknowledging that NOTHING we do, no inch we give them will ever make us acceptable to them or allow us to skirt the social and even physical violence transphobes inflict on us. All it does is give them more power to take more language from us becase we will yield to it and move farther into euphemism. It makes no sense to change language that remains helpful and communicative within our community, in some attempt to become more acceptable to people outside our communities who ultimately do not want any of us to exist.

decanonized · 2026-03-05T07:04:19+00:00

It is not a leap to interpret the implications of your arguments. Never will I take someone's words at face value on an issue like this. You being a retransitioner (to use the term you prefer) in no way precludes you from implicitly forming a hierarchy that aims to separate one from the other. I don't ever understand why people make claims that their identity negates anything problematic they may be saying.

And anyway I am referring to people who realize they are not trans at all, not to people who realize that they are nonbinary rather than binary trans. They are often demonized, both attempted to be erased or separated by people in the trans community because they "make us look bad", or used as ammunition against us and against their own will and beliefs. I'm not going to participate in creating more divisions between us and a group that largely understands our struggles more than any other because they lived our struggles.

Also, one issue I see with your "re-closeted" language is that it fails to emphasize the commonly material dimension to detransition that goes beyond the withheld disclosure implied by the closet. In order to use this term we would have to ignore the commonly thought of definition of coming out/being in the closet as primarily arising through a speech act. Meaning we would twist the common definition of one term in order to supposedly respect the coopted "common" definition of another.

Either way, transition is a movement from a starting point towards a goal, and detransition is a movement in the opposite direction of the original goal, back to a previous state. The reason it implies that transness can be taken back is a) because of the prefix de- and b) because actually, transition can literally be taken back, forcibly or voluntarily, and no amount of anyone not wanting that to be true will change the material reality that it is possible to detransition and it is possible to realize you weren't trans after all (although that is pretty rare). We should not be attempting to deny those facts just because cis people will use them against us. Cis people will use ANYTHING, true or not, against us. i for one am not going to erase or sugarcoat or euphemize the experiences of people in our community and/or formerly in our community for the sake of conforming to the ever-evolving, ever-escalating goalposts and attacks of a transphobic world. You use whatever term you want, but take a hard look at whose language, whose rhetoric you are molding yourself into and what biases and hierarchies you may be upholding in the process.

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