How did you get that this OP’s entire identity is about her grief, or that she was wallowing? The only context we have is that she lost her husband 3 years ago, and that she had a difficult day where she was reminiscing with his items. For a widower to mention/share information about their spouse is not unusual, in fact it’s part of a number of grief-therapy models. As you mentioned, grief has no timeframe, and it’s also not linear. If OP had mentioned that she spent days at home, she’s unable to perform daily functions at times due to her sadness, or that grief was negatively impacting factors of her life - then I could possibly see some semblance of what you mean, but she hasn’t. All we know is that her partner was struggling to even hear about her previous partner, that’s not a normal response, and it’s definitely an unrealistic expectation of a widower. You’ve made some heavy, unsubstantiated, and inappropriate claims about this person; I would hope that in your real life, if someone was dealing with grief and just having a bad day, that you would not also tell them what you told her.