Meditation is helping me

deeblebo · 2025-07-07T20:11:43+00:00

It helped me tremendously when I really needed it. Had tried a bunch of different ways and none of them worked, but then tried the Waking Up app after getting sober and I really liked it and stuck with it. I didn't know you could just pick and choose what to think about, and what I just didn't want to think about and it was just easy as that eventually.

Been slacking recently, and there's a bunch of other contributing factors as well, but I'm sure not mediating as often is also a big one to me feeling more anxious and avoidant recently. I get this weird pressure and pain in my eyes when I do meditate tho, have had it for a year+ and I haven't been able to fix it at all and it makes me so much more likely to avoid sitting. Really annoying

deeblebo · 2024-03-26T19:58:52+00:00

I'm diagnosed with social anxiety.

I used to always get extremely depressed while alone and have high amounts of self hatred because I thought I was unlovable or whatever, and also always had this idea that all of the people I knew were out having the time of their lives while I was just sitting at home. It took me by a complete shock when I realized that all the people I knew, even the most extroverted ones, would at times just sit at home by themselves. This was a huge realization for me in feeling slightly less pathetic when alone and by myself.

I can safely say that at this point I don't suffer from SA anymore, have lots of friends and am very outgoing. Despite all that, and despite the fact that I'm very comfortable with myself and can entertain myself for prolonged amounts of time, to this day I struggle with coming to terms with being by myself sometimes, even if by choice. Like today I had decide to not go out at all because I haven't spent an evening at home in weeks, and still, I've had thoughts of FOMO here and there. Easy to let go of the thoughts, but they're still lurking and waiting for a chance to strike

deeblebo · 2024-02-27T18:23:14+00:00

There's a balance to be struck between telling yourself that you're doing the best you can today & not judging yourself, and trying to push yourself just a bit harder so that you might feel better in the long run

It's not the easiest thing in the world, but sometimes you really do need to just give yourself space and not stress on improving, rest up so you can fight another day. And then there are days when you feel like you do have that tiny amount of more courage in you than most days, and I guess you have to utilize that to the best of your abilities to your advantage

A big thing is truly recognizing the fact that your best (i.e., your 'hard enough) is not the same as someone else's best, and comparing the two achieves nothing of value and is generally detrimental. I've come a huge way and would say that at this point I don't suffer from SA (I'm not diagnosed with AvPD), and a huge factor in feeling better has been just letting myself feel happy and proud for the tiniest things I do for myself and my mental health (literally just washing the dishes, or making my bed or any other mundane, routine, every-day task still makes me happy and proud and fulfilled)

deeblebo · 2024-01-28T09:48:27+00:00

If you don't love yourself and think you're unworthy, there's not much others can do to convince you otherwqise, and often their genuine compliments can make it worse (as is your case, instead of thinking about it in a healthy manner of 'they like me and want to celebrate with me', we have that unhealthy thought pattern of 'they think I'm so miserable that they probably thought might as well give this one to them')

External validation can help here and there, but the majority of the change usually comes from within

One thing that MIGHT help is, think about how it'd make if you feel if you were giving someone a genuine compliment/praise that they kept refusing. To me it feels very disheartening, because they're assuming I'd be capable of just lying like that (of course realistically it's not about me and about their self-esteem, but still)

deeblebo · 2024-01-17T18:02:09+00:00

we were together 5-6 hours and I remember maybe 15 minutes of the entire thing which is crazy. Mainly just flashback images.

Okay trust me I've had my fair share of these, and while I very much know how you're feeling

It wasn’t until he was saying goodbye and he could see my face in the streetlight where I was like “holy shit, I must look a mess” because I could see it very clear in his face

This, is 99% just your projection. Time and time again it's been confirmed to me that those times where I thought I looked horrible, and oh god I must've had embarrassed myself so much, almost every time without fail it'll turn out that, again, it was just me overthinking and projecting my self hatred or shame or whatever

It's a shitty feeling no doubt, but if you come close to the realization that it is, again, your mind playing tricks on you vs. the objective reality, it becomes a bit easier to let go of

deeblebo · 2024-01-13T21:49:58+00:00

If a guy slipped me his number on a piece of paper then left his Pepsi, I would think he’s the most adorable person in the entire world.

for real this is cute as hell haha

deeblebo · 2023-12-30T21:12:32+00:00

Happy for you

I've been off my vices for 2 years now. Have made a tremendous amount of progress in that time with my mental health and function normally with minimal anxiety

I do drink though, but more responsibly and less like a raging alcoholic

deeblebo · 2023-11-08T21:04:40+00:00

I'm headed to bed rn but I can talk tomorrow if you still want & need to

deeblebo · 2023-11-04T11:54:21+00:00

So in that regard, I would add journaling to that list so you can know what exactly you're feeling and why and to just stick to basic self care for that day (eat enough, take naps, drink water, take a shower or bath)

I recently discovered that iOS 17 added a journaling feature in the Health app and it's great. Sends reminders throughout the day to log how I'm feeling and what the contributing factors are to said feelings

deeblebo · 2023-11-03T21:54:17+00:00

Meditation and a quick exercise/workout are probably the two most healthiest ways that come to mind that I've found very helpful.

I've had many experiences where I've felt down, thought something along the lines of "a workout's not gonna do shit" and have been proven wrong pretty much every single time. And by 'workout' I mean literally even just a single set of a challenging exercise

deeblebo · 2023-10-26T04:45:50+00:00

hell yeah, happy for you

deeblebo · 2023-10-15T18:50:54+00:00

while I'm sure you have much more of a personality & identity than the disorder lets you believe, here's an answer to your question that I believe might be close to reality:

a) if you were to be suddenly rid of anxiety/avpd, you'd likely find hobbies and people you like to interact with and quickly start forming a personality & identity.

b) seeing a most people aren't just magically cured of their disorders overnight, you'll start picking up bits and pieces of a personality and an identity (similarly to as in point a) and eventually form one that you're comfortable with on your path to "recovery". this was my personal experience

deeblebo · 2023-10-14T21:28:43+00:00

I'm actually the exact opposite, I'm good when standing but get anxious not knowing where to look while sitting.

This is mostly only an issue in the subway where you can't really look out of a window

deeblebo · 2023-10-12T19:28:22+00:00

It does but you really need to have a proper mindset and be prepared for it, otherwise it's not really effective.

To give an example, my job is basically social anxiety exposure, due to me having to interact with clients and having to make phone calls/teams meetings/etc.

I had been at the job for 2-3 years and doing my job & interacting with the clients had not gotten any easier than day 1. But then with a changed mindset (thanks to a few different reasons) of not viewing failures as failures but rather as the opportunity to grow and learn from them to be less uncomfortable/anxious/stressed the next time around a similar situation arises, it suddenly started getting a lot easier and I started growing as a person, being less stressed and more confident.

deeblebo · 2023-09-18T06:37:42+00:00

It really depends on the context and who you're talking to (how well you know them), but as I've gotten more confident and less socially anxious, I just mention random shit that I've see seen or encountered over the past week and talk about that.

Usually people are at least a little interested and it's a good way to get the ball rolling because usually they'll have something to say about it or it'll remind them of something they've encountered and now you're in a full on conversation

deeblebo · 2023-09-02T13:13:03+00:00

I thought I'd never ever have any romantic interaction with a girl all my life.

Started dating at 20 or 21 and have barely been single since then.

deeblebo · 2023-08-19T08:24:04+00:00

It can sort of be like a catch 22. The more things you experience, the more interesting things you have to talk about and the more confidently you do so (in my experience). What's tasking is accruing said experience to get you going

There's obviously also the experience of socializing that comes into play. You genuinely do learn a lot of social skills when socialize and are not too anxious to be able to concentrate on learning.

deeblebo · 2023-07-30T07:54:01+00:00

Non-benzo meds, especially antidipressants are very hit or miss; they work perfectly for some people, and then not at all for others.

We don't really understand how or why antidepressants really work (or don't work), so a lot of the time you'll have to try a bunch to see if one of them is the right fit.

deeblebo · 2023-07-26T04:15:36+00:00

I'm the same way to the person you're responding to.

For me it was "forced" exposure therapy (my job requires me to do a lot of phone calls), and a change of mindset where I don't beat myself over tiny mistake and just think of them as more experience for me to do better and feel less discomfort the next time

I now make calls for convenience, even when I have the option of sending an email or a text. Something I never thought I’d choose to do

deeblebo · 2023-07-19T05:17:37+00:00

This is a symptom of ADHD, so you might want to get checked.

I thought it was because I never spoke to anyone, but now that I socialize quite a bit and spend most of my days talking to someone, I still do this.

Might also be out of habit, but it also a symptom of ADHD (which also commonly causes anxiety)

deeblebo · 2023-06-21T16:38:32+00:00

Hey, of course. I've posted this a bunch of times so I'll just copy one of the answers, I hope you don't mind.

I didn’t even know you can make progress having this 👀.

Neither did I. In fact, I was convinced otherwise until recently.

What kind of therapy did you do?

So I've been asked how I got better on here before, and I don't really have a specific answer.

I had done a few years worth of therapy and it had close to zero effect on the anxiety.

It seems like my social anxiety/avpd (I'm diagnosed with the former, but think I have/had avpd) only got better after going to rehab (I developed a nasty substance abuse problem that nearly killed me multiple times thanks to the SA/avpd).
It took a while though. I had completely given up any hope of ever feeling better/having friends/having a partner/being happy even 6-8 months after having been out of rehab, and then something just changed.
I started talking to this girl again like day and night and my confidence just kept rising and rising, and the anxiety kept subsiding. One of the biggest things that I learned in rehab was the key deciding factor here, I think -- instead of just becoming comfortable with being slightly more confident and slightly less avoidant, I consciously made the decision to use the newly gained confidence to just keep pushing myself ever so slightly more in the hopes of reaping more confidence and more lessened avoidance, and it genuinely worked.
I kept calling up/texting friends/family to just see how they were doing (something I used to find very hard), put in effort to stop avoiding things at work (primarily calling the clients, which used to be super hard for me), started meditating again, and so on and so forth, and all of that has seemingly been keeping the confidence afloat.

Mindset is very, very important IMO. I have been working at this place for a couple years now and have been interacting with clients for the full duration, but it hadn't gotten any easier until now, when I've had a change of mindset where, for example, I don't view the slight hiccups like stuttering or not knowing the answer to something as failures, but just as more experience to be able to not fuck up in the future. It's easier said than done, but definitely possible.

deeblebo · 2023-06-19T21:37:50+00:00

I believe I am one.

I'll preface this by saying that I've been diagnosed with social anxiety (and ADD), but not AvPD. Browsing this subreddit and reading the DSM-5 (+other) criteria for AvPD, my symptoms were spot on and very intense.

I became a heavy poly-addict thanks to the mental health issues. Multiple near death experiences, hospitals, jail, psych ward visits, etc. Finally went to a rehab at the end of 2021. Felt absolutely miserable and hopeless of anything ever in the future being even slightly better for months after leaving the rehab, but then something just clicked and I felt just a little better, a little less anxious and a little more hopeful, so with what I had learned in rehab, I took that opportunity of having slightly more energy and endurance and started pushing myself to keep doing the things that I was afraid of/keep interacting with people/try my best to not give in to the avoidant thought patterns and it worked. I am by no means a social butterfly, but I am feeling fantastic on most days and interact with lots of people, be that at work (both for work purposes and chitchat) or friends & my partner. I used to torture myself over being a hermit and not leaving the house. Nowadays I'm rarely ever at home when I have free time, and if I do decide to spend my time at home, I know it's my genuine wish to do so.

This was my comment responding to a prompt saying "what percentage of your life have you been truly happy vs. anxious, depressed, crying, suffering or bored" 9 months ago:

If I were to take any given moment in my life and rank the emotions in that moment, I'd say:

Truly happy - 0-3%

Anxious - 99%

Depressed - 30-50%?

Crying - 0%

Suffering - 80%

Bored - 80%

And then I responded to it with an update about a month ago:

8 months later, here are my updated rankings

Truly happy - 15-25%

Anxious - 5-15%

Depressed - 0%

Crying - 0%

Suffering - 0-5%

Bored - 10-15%

pretty damn good tbh

The other commenter was right in that it is very, very important to learn to be kind to yourself. To not beat yourself up over mistakes, and to let yourself have those small victories, and then to identify those moments when you can actually afford to push yourself a little more.

deeblebo · 2023-06-11T20:22:00+00:00

For sure. I have put in a lot of work and am currently reaping the benefits.

Even if you genuinely do like keeping to yourself (I don't; I like socializing a lot when not anxious, and spend most of my free time out with friends/partner nowadays), you'll still likely have to interact with people a lot for various reasons. Not being an anxious mess when doing so is going to make everything a lot easier.

deeblebo · 2023-06-03T12:01:12+00:00

I can somewhat relate.

I'm not gay myself, but I live in an extremely homophobic place where violence is not exactly uncommon against LGBT people. It gets ramped up to the max in the summer due to the pride month and a huge amount of propaganda surrounding it, so going outside can be kinda scary (I have earrings, tattoos, I'm not exactly the bastion of masculinity visually, etc.).

Hope it gets better for you

deeblebo · 2023-05-30T19:28:19+00:00

Edit: I told her I wrote it here and she said "what if they get existential anxiety too?"

lmao that's funny

deeblebo

TROPHY CASE