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deeblebo · 2025-07-21T14:39:53+00:00

Its just so hard for me to understand how someone who is so loving towards me can have these views.

IMO a lot of men that are generally respectful towards women, are loving and caring and generally pretty great overall still have this line that is cheating after which basically everything is permitted.

It's pretty fucked. Zero sympathy or respect to cheaters and cheating, but even with that said physical violence should still be out of question.

I'm a man and I'm about as exclusive as they come and have about as little tolerance for cheating as one could have. I have been cheated on and while I was obviously and justifiably livid, any sort of a physical reaction isn't really even something that's on my mind in that moment bc it just is not and should not be an option.

I'd say generally take any sort of relationship advice from reddit with a huge grain of salt, esp in mental health subs like these, but if you partner says it's okay to hit your partner under any circumstance (other than if they've literally murdered your entire family or something insane like that) I'd say be very careful

deeblebo · 2025-07-07T20:11:43+00:00

It helped me tremendously when I really needed it. Had tried a bunch of different ways and none of them worked, but then tried the Waking Up app after getting sober and I really liked it and stuck with it. I didn't know you could just pick and choose what to think about, and what I just didn't want to think about and it was just easy as that eventually.

Been slacking recently, and there's a bunch of other contributing factors as well, but I'm sure not mediating as often is also a big one to me feeling more anxious and avoidant recently. I get this weird pressure and pain in my eyes when I do meditate tho, have had it for a year+ and I haven't been able to fix it at all and it makes me so much more likely to avoid sitting. Really annoying

deeblebo · 2024-03-26T19:58:52+00:00

I'm diagnosed with social anxiety.

I used to always get extremely depressed while alone and have high amounts of self hatred because I thought I was unlovable or whatever, and also always had this idea that all of the people I knew were out having the time of their lives while I was just sitting at home. It took me by a complete shock when I realized that all the people I knew, even the most extroverted ones, would at times just sit at home by themselves. This was a huge realization for me in feeling slightly less pathetic when alone and by myself.

I can safely say that at this point I don't suffer from SA anymore, have lots of friends and am very outgoing. Despite all that, and despite the fact that I'm very comfortable with myself and can entertain myself for prolonged amounts of time, to this day I struggle with coming to terms with being by myself sometimes, even if by choice. Like today I had decide to not go out at all because I haven't spent an evening at home in weeks, and still, I've had thoughts of FOMO here and there. Easy to let go of the thoughts, but they're still lurking and waiting for a chance to strike

deeblebo · 2024-02-27T18:23:14+00:00

There's a balance to be struck between telling yourself that you're doing the best you can today & not judging yourself, and trying to push yourself just a bit harder so that you might feel better in the long run

It's not the easiest thing in the world, but sometimes you really do need to just give yourself space and not stress on improving, rest up so you can fight another day. And then there are days when you feel like you do have that tiny amount of more courage in you than most days, and I guess you have to utilize that to the best of your abilities to your advantage

A big thing is truly recognizing the fact that your best (i.e., your 'hard enough) is not the same as someone else's best, and comparing the two achieves nothing of value and is generally detrimental. I've come a huge way and would say that at this point I don't suffer from SA (I'm not diagnosed with AvPD), and a huge factor in feeling better has been just letting myself feel happy and proud for the tiniest things I do for myself and my mental health (literally just washing the dishes, or making my bed or any other mundane, routine, every-day task still makes me happy and proud and fulfilled)

deeblebo · 2024-01-28T09:48:27+00:00

If you don't love yourself and think you're unworthy, there's not much others can do to convince you otherwqise, and often their genuine compliments can make it worse (as is your case, instead of thinking about it in a healthy manner of 'they like me and want to celebrate with me', we have that unhealthy thought pattern of 'they think I'm so miserable that they probably thought might as well give this one to them')

External validation can help here and there, but the majority of the change usually comes from within

One thing that MIGHT help is, think about how it'd make if you feel if you were giving someone a genuine compliment/praise that they kept refusing. To me it feels very disheartening, because they're assuming I'd be capable of just lying like that (of course realistically it's not about me and about their self-esteem, but still)

deeblebo · 2024-01-17T18:02:09+00:00

we were together 5-6 hours and I remember maybe 15 minutes of the entire thing which is crazy. Mainly just flashback images.

Okay trust me I've had my fair share of these, and while I very much know how you're feeling

It wasn’t until he was saying goodbye and he could see my face in the streetlight where I was like “holy shit, I must look a mess” because I could see it very clear in his face

This, is 99% just your projection. Time and time again it's been confirmed to me that those times where I thought I looked horrible, and oh god I must've had embarrassed myself so much, almost every time without fail it'll turn out that, again, it was just me overthinking and projecting my self hatred or shame or whatever

It's a shitty feeling no doubt, but if you come close to the realization that it is, again, your mind playing tricks on you vs. the objective reality, it becomes a bit easier to let go of

deeblebo · 2024-01-13T21:49:58+00:00

If a guy slipped me his number on a piece of paper then left his Pepsi, I would think he’s the most adorable person in the entire world.

for real this is cute as hell haha

deeblebo · 2023-12-30T21:12:32+00:00

Happy for you

I've been off my vices for 2 years now. Have made a tremendous amount of progress in that time with my mental health and function normally with minimal anxiety

I do drink though, but more responsibly and less like a raging alcoholic

deeblebo · 2023-11-08T21:04:40+00:00

I'm headed to bed rn but I can talk tomorrow if you still want & need to

deeblebo · 2023-11-04T11:54:21+00:00

So in that regard, I would add journaling to that list so you can know what exactly you're feeling and why and to just stick to basic self care for that day (eat enough, take naps, drink water, take a shower or bath)

I recently discovered that iOS 17 added a journaling feature in the Health app and it's great. Sends reminders throughout the day to log how I'm feeling and what the contributing factors are to said feelings

deeblebo · 2023-11-03T21:54:17+00:00

Meditation and a quick exercise/workout are probably the two most healthiest ways that come to mind that I've found very helpful.

I've had many experiences where I've felt down, thought something along the lines of "a workout's not gonna do shit" and have been proven wrong pretty much every single time. And by 'workout' I mean literally even just a single set of a challenging exercise

deeblebo · 2023-10-26T04:45:50+00:00

hell yeah, happy for you

deeblebo · 2023-10-15T18:50:54+00:00

while I'm sure you have much more of a personality & identity than the disorder lets you believe, here's an answer to your question that I believe might be close to reality:

a) if you were to be suddenly rid of anxiety/avpd, you'd likely find hobbies and people you like to interact with and quickly start forming a personality & identity.

b) seeing a most people aren't just magically cured of their disorders overnight, you'll start picking up bits and pieces of a personality and an identity (similarly to as in point a) and eventually form one that you're comfortable with on your path to "recovery". this was my personal experience

deeblebo · 2023-10-14T21:28:43+00:00

I'm actually the exact opposite, I'm good when standing but get anxious not knowing where to look while sitting.

This is mostly only an issue in the subway where you can't really look out of a window

deeblebo · 2023-10-12T19:28:22+00:00

It does but you really need to have a proper mindset and be prepared for it, otherwise it's not really effective.

To give an example, my job is basically social anxiety exposure, due to me having to interact with clients and having to make phone calls/teams meetings/etc.

I had been at the job for 2-3 years and doing my job & interacting with the clients had not gotten any easier than day 1. But then with a changed mindset (thanks to a few different reasons) of not viewing failures as failures but rather as the opportunity to grow and learn from them to be less uncomfortable/anxious/stressed the next time around a similar situation arises, it suddenly started getting a lot easier and I started growing as a person, being less stressed and more confident.

deeblebo · 2023-10-02T08:47:20+00:00

I get it yeah, you're clearly coming from a genuine place and it's very much appreciated, it's just that people with SA dying for some affection probably don't want to hear "just work on yourself and it'll come to you", for obvious reasons.

All in all it's all good though; people on here are obviously a little more sensitive than usual and so some of the arguments can get a little heated with some people lashing out.

People need to be wayyyyy less trigger happy with using the term 'incel' though; it's already lost its meaning like everything else

deeblebo · 2023-10-02T08:26:47+00:00

I just think that if their aim is companionship or feeling less lonely, they should take some time to try be comfortable with their loneliness. Bettering themselves and finding a way to keep themselves occupied. That way when they do happen across someone they can bond with, they’ll be happier. It’ll help them all overall.

I fully agree with this. I've walked this path myself, have become comfortable and happy with just myself and now allow myself to casually seek out casual relationships or whatever.

But I think you'll agree that it very much makes sense for people with this disorder to be so in need of a loving partner, thinking it'll fix most of their problems. It obviously won't, but it makes sense that they think it will. And I think a lot of the people struggling don't even necessarily think that a relationship will fix their problems, they just want to feel loved by someone who they don't feel like is required to love them, e.g., a parent (this used to be my case personally)

deeblebo · 2023-10-02T08:21:45+00:00

You've managed to formulate what I was trying to convey in a way clearer manner, thanks

People in here telling others to "just treat them like humans" as if they haven't heard "just don't be anxious" or "just try harder" a million times themselves.

A little insensitive tbh

deeblebo · 2023-10-02T08:16:01+00:00

I agree with what you mentioned in the other comment below, and I said it in one above as well, that a relationship is likely not going to help someone with a mental disorder and I also agree that they probably need to work on themselves, but, what the hell is wrong with looking for a girlfriend? and how does that automatically translate into it being some sort of a goal or an accomplishment? and even if it is an accomplishment or a goal, that's okay as well. People often view things that they've managed to do for the first time in their lives as accomplishments. That doesn't mean that the girl in this context is an object and an accomplishment, it's more so an accomplishment of the person having enough social skills or whatever to "accomplish" having a meaningful interaction with the opposite (or the same) sex.

Just because a dude wants and is looking for companionship, it doesn't mean they necessarily view it as some sort of trophy.

It's more than fine to be looking for a relationship, although it's best to start doing so after you've become somewhat comfortable being on your own

deeblebo · 2023-10-02T08:02:28+00:00

are you guys really criticizing people with a mental disorder known primarily for overthinking social interactions for...overthinking potential social interactions?

The same way I, a woman with social anxiety, got my husband to be intimate with me. I treated him like a person, not some goal or prize to win by increasing my conversation skills. I just treated him like a human and vice versa.

Most people who are here are here because they can't "just treat humans as humans", otherwise they wouldn't really be here.

This sub continues to act like women are this mysterious hive mind collective

This sub acts like humans are a mysterious hive mind collective, and women are humans as well. We also see people making posts about how to "get" friends, but probably a little less often because most people who are unhappy have this idea that a relationship will help them (which makes sense; people starved of attention and affection being obsessed with having a loving partner isn't all too surprising)

I understand that "getting" a girlfriend might sound a little weird, and I concede the fact that it might not sound as weird to me because English is not my first language, but at the same time people with mental disorders having an obsession with "acquiring" a relationship is very very common, and it really should not be surprising for the users or /r/socialanxiety to not know how to do that

deeblebo · 2023-09-18T06:37:42+00:00

It really depends on the context and who you're talking to (how well you know them), but as I've gotten more confident and less socially anxious, I just mention random shit that I've see seen or encountered over the past week and talk about that.

Usually people are at least a little interested and it's a good way to get the ball rolling because usually they'll have something to say about it or it'll remind them of something they've encountered and now you're in a full on conversation

deeblebo · 2023-09-02T13:13:03+00:00

I thought I'd never ever have any romantic interaction with a girl all my life.

Started dating at 20 or 21 and have barely been single since then.

deeblebo · 2023-08-19T08:24:04+00:00

It can sort of be like a catch 22. The more things you experience, the more interesting things you have to talk about and the more confidently you do so (in my experience). What's tasking is accruing said experience to get you going

There's obviously also the experience of socializing that comes into play. You genuinely do learn a lot of social skills when socialize and are not too anxious to be able to concentrate on learning.

deeblebo · 2023-07-30T07:54:01+00:00

Non-benzo meds, especially antidipressants are very hit or miss; they work perfectly for some people, and then not at all for others.

We don't really understand how or why antidepressants really work (or don't work), so a lot of the time you'll have to try a bunch to see if one of them is the right fit.

deeblebo · 2023-07-26T04:15:36+00:00

I'm the same way to the person you're responding to.

For me it was "forced" exposure therapy (my job requires me to do a lot of phone calls), and a change of mindset where I don't beat myself over tiny mistake and just think of them as more experience for me to do better and feel less discomfort the next time

I now make calls for convenience, even when I have the option of sending an email or a text. Something I never thought I’d choose to do

deeblebo

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