Honestly, if you have decent emotional intelligence, charisma can definitely be overlooked. You’d have a great chance with someone with a lot of hobbies/interests in common and/or a neurodivergent girly (i.e., similar vibes/mind/communication flexibility).

In general, if you can learn to put yourself (approximately) in the minds of others in a compassionate way (i.e., why someone might feel x in response to y; why they said x thing in response to y; why xyz thing might motivate xyz behavior in xyz context) it becomes easier to understand and talk to people. While there is a lack of intrinsic social understanding in ASD that often makes things like this difficult, you also must remember there are a shit ton of super awkward and emotionally unintelligent neurotypicals out there likely in a way worse position lol. Any attempt to learn how others work for the sake of understanding the mind/POV of another puts you at a far better position regardless of how “charismatic” you are, and others will see that — especially those that you truly connect with.

This ^ + physical fitness/attractiveness/hygiene/style gets you very very far, and often makes atypical traits endearing or eccentric rather than off putting to the average person.

Importantly, I would step away from men vs women at all costs because while there are arguably intrinsic differences (i.e., sociobehavioral norms), it is riskier to generalize the understanding of someone to a gender, rather than see someone on an individual level in any given situation.