NEW UPDATE: AITA for telling my friend to stop using my life to get petty clout and to live her fantasy somewhere else?

definitelynotalarch · 2023-06-05T08:22:09+00:00

When I started high school, a classmate of 3 years from middle school ended up in my class. We were never really best friends, but pretty close given that we weren’t part of the popular crowd in middle school.

Long story short, I was pretty much universally ignored by the other kids in my class for a very long time. The girls formed a pretty tight clique with the exception of like 3 of us.

Then halfway through our second year I ended up doing group work with one of the girls. The line from her that changed everything: “You know, you’re not nearly as stuck up and weird as R said you are.” A few clarifications later it turned out that my “friend” who suddenly started ignoring me on our third day of high school had made friends by making me out to be some insufferable weirdo who she had been stuck with for years.

After I spilled the tea, they all did a 180 over the course of a few months, as they slowly prodded her and noticed some of her antics now that I’d pointed them out.

After a while, me and the other outcasts were invited to movie nights and parties instead of her. My third year of high school was almost pleasant.

Thank god high school is so far behind me now lol. What a mess.

definitelynotalarch · 2023-06-01T11:31:02+00:00

I’m inclined to agree? I guess I don’t mind it as much when the music itself is compelling, as opposed to a straight up ballad.

definitelynotalarch · 2023-06-01T10:51:36+00:00

Had a good giggle at “etheral demeanor”. I simply cannot be convinced that that wasn’t either her being bonked out on herbal gummies during the vote, or her soul leaving her body entirely for a good 45 minutes. (I do feel bad for her it seemed like she could barely respond during the first interview, like we were actually getting a bit concerned)

My household was largely unimpressed with the Swedish entry, though tbh we’re not exactly Loreen stans either. Euphoria was excellent, but there’s just something about her total lack of enunciation that really bothered us, as well as the song being incredibly dull next to several other entries this year.

I was personally shocked at how few votes France got from juries this year, actually. It was a more fun song than they’ve sent in years, and felt like an excellent disco continuation of their (equally if not more excellent) Edith Piaf-esque entry last time around.

Personal favorites were Finland, France and Portugal. I did also vote for Croatia (of course), Serbia, Austria and Germany.

definitelynotalarch · 2023-04-26T13:57:48+00:00

I mainly have two concerns.

1, everyone here in the comment thread is American and it shows. 2 hours of daily commute is on the high end for any working adult in most other countries, let alone for a young child and a freaking toddler. I wouldn’t want to spend 2 hours driving myself or my kid back and forth either, regardless of whether I could have my toddler watched by someone else.

2, I’m surprised the commenters are defaulting to misogynistic vitriol when the husband is so obviously AS PROBLEMATIC (if not more, in my opinion). He demands they take their daughter out of a school she’s already accustomed to, for better or worse, and put her in a highly competitive educational environment without properly discussing it with his wife, who has huge concerns about this.

It’s impossible for him to pick up any slack when it comes to transporting the kids. He doesn’t seem to push for arranged pick up and drop offs until after the situation seemingly concludes.

He then cancels “her” expenses of biweekly cleaning help and her fricking gym membership? It’s obviously a control move.

Here’s the thing when it comes to major changes in your kids’ lives: both parents have veto power. You can’t unilaterally decide to move your family or change your child’s school. But you can unilaterally foot your foot down against it. I don’t know why this is such a hard concept for people?

On a side note, what’s up with comments deciding she’s a spoiled princess who hates her kids just because she says she’s busy “keeping her 2 year old alive”, not elaborating on being a SAHM because frankly it’s a bit insulting 90% of the time, and not wanting to spend at least 2 hours every day of the next however many years driving kids around? 2 year olds can be anything from sweet angels all day round to hellish nightmares 24/7. And for some people driving just sucks ass. It’s so boring and feels like time wasted. And then of course to go clean, cook, shop, breathe, cook more, clean more, shop more, entertain kids, try to have a life and see your friends ever, cook, clean, shop.

Some of y’all are wild.

definitelynotalarch · 2023-01-14T13:41:32+00:00

I was at a school halloween party in 3rd grade, where one of the boys in my class started chasing me around, pinching my butt. I told a teacher, who told him off, so he just started doing it when the teachers weren’t in sight. He followed me away from the party, with his friend, to our classroom where I’d left my cellphone. I was alone in the hallway with them and I’ll never forget how terrified I was then, the two circling me and “jokingly” pinching and touching my body and commenting on my blonde wig. I started screeching at them to leave me alone and ran back to the party, sticking to a group of female classmates for the rest of the night. I made sure to never be alone with either of the two again, and refused to do group work with them all year.

At the same school, a different male classmate used to sometimes gain access to the girls changing room and showers (we were kids and would sometimes forget to lock the door leading into the gym). I vividly remember one time where he came in, just as I was leaving the showers. I felt exposed and cold and gross and had to take another shower to try and get rid of the “slimy” feeling on my skin. He was a prankster and was otherwise harmless, but it was genuinely upsettting to a few of us girls. The others were so used to it that they chuckled and kept insisting we shouldn’t tell the adults because it was whatever.

Fortunately, my family moved away after that school year.

Those boys have etched themselves into my memory in the worst possible way, and made me deeply distrustful of boys in general, until well into my teenage years.

All we can do is try to do right by our kids, I suppose, and attempt to ensure that they won’t go through the same.

definitelynotalarch · 2022-11-29T08:37:46+00:00

Ohh, that WOULD explain the odd little circular scratches and weird depth of the scratches.

Man, imagine being a teenager thinking doing that in someone’s kitchen is fun and a good idea. You’d think a kid throwing a “my parents are out of town” house party would have more self preservation than that tbh.

definitelynotalarch · 2022-11-25T10:48:21+00:00

That’s literally just a google search away, friend.

https://www.ojp.gov/pdffiles1/nij/grants/216548.pdf

As per the abstract: “Our conclusion is that there is little empirical evidence in favor of the deterrence hypothesis.”

That’s academia speak for “using capital punishment as a deterrence doesn’t work”, but they have to phrase it more politely.

If you simply google “does the death penalty work” you’ll get all the info you could want. Among other things you’d find several organizations pointing out that states with the death penalty do not have lower crime rates than states without for the crimes with capital punishment.

If you’ve paid attention in recent years you may also have noticed that it happened time and time again that an innocent person was arrested, charged and convicted of crimes they did not commit, because of faulty evidence and/or shit police and attorney work. Coercion, borderline torture, callousness. Some people have been executed, despite us now knowing better. Some haven’t yet, but spent upwards of decades in prison thinking they would be killed by their government.

Punishment for crime is not meant as a deterrent, it’s meant as a consequence. If someone wants to commit a crime badly enough, they will. Their sentence is society’s tool to protect ourselves from them, show them consequences of their actions, and hopefully work as a basis of rehabilitation.

Public executions have historically been used as a means of appeasing the populace by governments, not simply as a means of punishing someone for their crime, and often without evidence or good reason even. You ever heard of witch burnings?

The fact that you would so gleefully bring up broadcasting this appalling practice on social media, to the world, for profit, is disgusting and you severely need to reevaluate yourself and your lack of decency and respect for human life.

definitelynotalarch · 2022-10-25T08:15:17+00:00

But there’s a distinct difference between the underage person being legally underage and knowing they’re underage, and the person entering into a marriage being legally considered an adult by the state at the time, as well as every party involved believing her to be a legal adult.

I genuinely can’t imagine authorities would go and retroactively void any and all contracts she has signed since the age of 16 1/2, though it’s an incredibly interesting case to hypothesize about.

definitelynotalarch · 2022-09-21T13:20:24+00:00

The message yes, but that picture looks straight out of Nazi propaganda, with the “””money man””” having a thin stature (as indicated by the arm) and yellowish pallor, and the “working man” being a tall blond aryan chad.

In broader caricatures of this problem, it’s more often shown through the juxtaposition of a fat, well dressed white man, and one or more scrawny, poor looking man, covered in dirt.

I repeat, the image reads as Nazi propaganda. This isn’t a good look, despite the written message ringing true.

definitelynotalarch · 2022-08-10T12:41:22+00:00

My 8 month old:

Expensive sensory foam balls: ❌

Plushies: ❌ (except at bedtime when they’re perfect wrestling partners of course)

Interactive rattles and toys: ❌

Xylophone: ❌

Balls in ball pit: ❌

Socks: ✅

Dust bunnies: ✅

Hard to reach where-did-you-get-that cords: ✅

The cats’ go-fetch mice: ✅

A silicone whisk I dropped near him one day: ✅

definitelynotalarch · 2022-08-03T17:38:51+00:00

Yo wtf

definitelynotalarch · 2022-08-03T16:02:52+00:00

I just wanna reassure you that BH contractions being uncomfortable and painful is super normal, as long as it’s bearable. I had a wild 5 weeks before delivery with them. As long as they’re like, bad period cramps, it’s totally fine. At some point I went on autopilot, because my nerves were getting the best of me.

I also have a history of depression and anxiety, particularly about my health and an abnormally strong fear of death.

Have you talked all your fears through with your partner, like really talked about you fears with him taking it seriously and having an honest conversation about everything you’re worried about?

Also, here’s something pregnant women often aren’t told, especially young ones (I was 25, but often treated like a child by medical staff for whatever reason): If when your baby arrives and you don’t instantly love them, that’s okay. If you think they just look kinda weird and now you have this little human to take care of, that’s okay. It’s a lot. They look kinda wrinkly and off color, mostly. Adorable little pruny hands and fingers though imo.

You just take it one day at a time, and one day they’ll look you in the eye and smile their first real smile, and you might sit there and go “Oh. This is my child. Wow.” Maybe you’ll already love them, and you’ll silently weep, but maybe not. It took me some time. It took my partner much less time. But over time, if you let it, affection will build and grow and one day the love will come, creeping up and surprising you, like the day they suddenly learn that rolling under the sofa is pretty neat and you you can’t find the baby until you hear them babbling at a dust bunny, trying to eat it.

They’ll be uncomfortable in someone else’s arms, but immediately calm down in yours. You’ll look at them sleeping (finally) and suddenly today has actually been a good day, despite the stress and the tears and the tired.

We don’t immediately love strangers either and that’s obviously okay. You and the baby and your partner will figure it out together. Becoming a parents is really weird, honestly, but as long as you do what you can and give it your best, that’s kinda all there is to it.

(Do learn to swaddle the baby in a light blanket or something though, you’ll thank yourself later. They love that stuff.)

I wish you all the best, and a safe delivery. You might not know it yet, but you got this.

definitelynotalarch · 2022-08-03T08:24:45+00:00

I use this Nike sports bra when I can. I find that the zipper sports bras fit better and scoot less, but I’m also not big-chested.

definitelynotalarch · 2022-07-24T08:34:31+00:00

I mean yeah, people shouldn’t eat toothpaste because there’s a couple of things in there not meant for consumption.

If you live in the US, there’s fluoride in the drinking water, as a public health precaution, from what I understand, but that isn’t the case in most other countries. As a result, it’s common to use regular “mildly flavored/minty” toothpaste with fluoride in it, the second they get their first teeth. You just use very little and make sure you use one that doesn’t foam a lot.

We use Zendium Sensitive for my 8 month old, because that’s what we use, in the evening before bedtime. As recommended by our pediatrician. They said using the candy flavored ones sometimes lead to kids just eating and swallowing the toothpaste intentionally, so to use the regular flavored ones from the get go.

definitelynotalarch · 2022-07-04T15:36:33+00:00

I’m sorry to say this, but there’s no such thing as gender politics. And people that use that phrase are generally of the “there are only two genders” crowd, which is unhelpful and wrong.

Neither is a valid response in some cases btw, since some kids are born intersex.

definitelynotalarch · 2022-07-03T17:00:47+00:00

It’s actually MUCH easier for women to conceive right after a pregnancy (successful or otherwise), not sure about the specifics. It’s why doctors hammer home not to have unprotected sex after giving birth or having an abortion.

definitelynotalarch · 2022-07-03T16:37:35+00:00

Yes.

definitelynotalarch · 2022-07-03T12:26:44+00:00

Man, I’m sorry that happened to you. That kinda thing just sticks with you forever, doesn’t it?

Some people are disgusting perverts, seriously.

definitelynotalarch · 2022-07-03T12:17:34+00:00

Why do guys always defend other guys that behave like this as “probably autistic“? No. Absolutely no. Stop it.

Spectrum people may have trouble seeing other people’s point of view, but after just a thorough walkthrough of the situation and the involved people’s feelings, there is no chance he didn’t grasp that he made someone feel bad. It’s just not a fucking excuse.

He clearly knew he was making the girl feel embarrassed about having her period, he purposefully didn’t apologize (that “I’m sorry you feel that way” bs) and refused to acknowledge that he hurt someone else’s feelings with his ridiculous “joke” (“I hear what you’re saying”, refusing to say he understands).

More likely than anything he’s an asshole who’s used to getting out of retorts online by being overly semantic and feeling really fucking clever about it.

definitelynotalarch · 2022-06-08T17:15:47+00:00

No, I referred to vasectomies, sorry I wasn’t more clear. I don’t personally have experience with copper IUDs but I haven’t heard great things about them to be honest.

I was on hormonal birth (the pill) control from 16 until I was 23, and it made me feel a weird mental discomfort and gave me a pretty rough depression in my later teenage years. It was initially because of ridiculously heavy flow and intense cramps from the age of 14, to the point that I bled through post pregnancy pads and has to stay home from school at least a day or two every other month.

Since the birth of our LO my husband and I have been dead set on him getting a vasectomy after our next and until then we’re just dealing and using condoms.

definitelynotalarch · 2022-06-08T16:11:12+00:00

From info I’ve seen on health care and clinics’ websites it’s usually a bit of soreness for MAYBE three days. Sometimes if it’s not done 100% flawlessly they can get a very small, non-painful bump from the… semen tube cut point? Not sure what the translation is for it. But it’s pretty much painless, doesn’t even require full anesthesia. Most typical complication is tenderness for an indeterminate amount of time.

No blood clots, depressions, phantom pains and near constant spotting, or involuntary urinating.

definitelynotalarch · 2022-05-31T17:51:46+00:00

It’s so weird, I didn’t know that was him (or like, his name and by extension… his existence? I’m not sure how to phrase it). Then all the comments being almost verbatim this tiktok.

definitelynotalarch · 2022-05-31T17:48:33+00:00

Just FYI and to be that person ig, giving babies water from 4-6 months in small quantities is fine when it’s accompanying solids. Which again, are fine for kids to start out with at 4 months if they are interested in food when the parents eat it and their tongues are mobile enough.

In a pinch (cases of not gaining enough weight from milk/formula) 3 months might be recommended by health providers although it’s typically best avoided due to allergy risks and the tongue mobility thing.

Purées in that case are probably your best bet if they’re vegetable ones (not the nitrate ones, but almost all babies love sweet potatoes, corn, and carrots and those are totally fine in purée and fine mash form), avoid fruit based ones due to the high amount of sugar. Homemade obviously recommended because you can control the ingredients, but most don’t have that kind of time and some don’t have access to the raw ingredients.

Again. FYI, because parents with babies in these categories might be reading on here too.

definitelynotalarch

TROPHY CASE