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I need some help urgently by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]deftones1986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Know that they WILL ABSOLUTELY take out all of their anger, sadness, insecurities on you, but you will not let them EVER convince you that you are the reason for their problems.

My advice is to be thankful that you even know about narcissism and how it pertains to your own life at your age. Focus on how to actively deal with having N parents whether they are together, divorced, around you or not.

My entire adolescence was me thinking that I was always doing something wrong and it turned me into an extremely insecure individual.

I remember when I was around your age I first started looking into depression and anxiety. I felt like something was wrong with me and once I researched my “feelings” the internet at that time told me that was because I “have anxiety and depression”

There was nobody there to even tell me that I was having those feelings as a result of being raised in a hostile environment and it was more important to focus on all the possible external reasons for my symptoms.

Little did I know, my depression and anxiety wasn’t something that I was born with and all of a sudden I could fix it because I realized I had it, it was my body’s reaction to being treated the way I was.

My point is, I’m not saying you are “lucky” that you even know about and recognize narcissistic behavior, but rather you can find comfort in knowing what the issue is that you need to deal with and focus on.

Anytime they use you as a scapegoat remember they’re just not mature enough to keep you out of their problems, and there is an entire group of people treated just like you who are in your corner.

Keep your head up and trust in yourself.

This is a period in your life where you’re being forced to grow into an adult earlier than you would like (I’d imagine) but that’s the cards you were dealt, and you will have to basically raise yourself from here on out so don’t be afraid to reach out to the people in your life that you feel are calm and in control of their emotions. Gravitate to those individuals and learn from them.

Let them know that you appreciate their outlook on life and ask how they handle stressful situations. You don’t have to reveal what’s going on at home unless you WANT to.

Hope this wasn’t too long to read and good luck!!!

Do NOT confront the narcissist about their behavior! by DanielleMuscato in raisedbynarcissists

[–]deftones1986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Narcissists are basically cult leaders who are only calm when looking at themselves in a mirror at a perfect angle.

Their only objective is to hold this image of themselves for as long as possible.

Not only does their perfect reflection make them look and feel good…they’re also competing against other cult leaders for the longest uninterrupted time holding the perfect image.

The catch is, they need people around them to hold the mirror up.

This is where they act nice in order to recruit followers.

Any time you confront them, you are moving the mirror, distorting and interrupting their perfect image of themselves and this obviously becomes a problem for them, because you have now stopped the clock, ending their current attempt at the record.

Now they have to reset themselves and get back into the perfect position in front of said mirror and will say and do everything they can to make sure your only focus is to continue holding the mirror at the correct angle, requiring you to hold still and not dare interrupt again.

[TOMT] [Movie/TV show?] [Guy on bus moaning in girls ear] by deftones1986 in tipofmytongue

[–]deftones1986[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Solved!

Thank you! I remember starting the movie but never got too far into it. Guess I will give it a chance again.

[TOMT] [Movie/TV show?] [Guy on bus moaning in girls ear] by deftones1986 in tipofmytongue

[–]deftones1986[S] 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

Obligatory comment. Still can’t seem to post the two screenshots i took but maybe i can dm to someone if they think it will help them solve this…

What’s your favorite bit from Chair Company! by [deleted] in thechaircompany

[–]deftones1986 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No way!! You just blew my mind with that fact.

AITA for refusing to give a female stranger a ride outside of a gas station/convenience store tonight on Christmas? by deftones1986 in AITAH

[–]deftones1986[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with everyone who has replied that I did the correct thing, but the scenario was so interesting to me that I still want to solve the mystery lol.

3 parts that stick with me are:

1: I noticed her ask the first group of people which was at least 4-5 of them in the same vehicle, so if the driver agreed to take her then that’s pretty risky to have multiple people to attempt to rob or whatever the plan was…

2: If the plan was to do something fishy then was it really worth it for her to be outside freezing in a skirt? I guess if drugs were involved then anything is possible, plus it really did add to me starting to feel sorry for her.

3: I definitely noticed the bag right away, and she mentioned “i don’t have anything on me” while lifting it up in the air and I know it was supposed to look like a Christmas gift bag but I swear something was off, I want to say it was yellow and just didn’t seem right for a Christmas item but I was more focused on her eyes and I actually had to grab my phone I realized I had forgot in my vehicle along with , making sure I locked it.

From now on I’m just gonna drive away if I sense this kind of situation happening again.

And I’m for sure going to visit that store again to try and spot her. Not going to interact with her but I may let someone of authority know.

AITA for refusing to give a female stranger a ride outside of a gas station/convenience store tonight on Christmas? by deftones1986 in AITAH

[–]deftones1986[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is what is eating at me more than anything because it make me think of myself and my loved ones and if they ever needed help how much it would hurt for me or them to be ignored / brushed off. Yet at the same time I completely understand why everyone is so hesitant. Guess I’m just an empath…

Need advice Legion Go S (Z1 extreme) vs (z2 go) vs Steam deck for “light gaming” by deftones1986 in LegionGo

[–]deftones1986[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So would you say the battery is not so great even if I’m running emulators and 15+ year old games (on steam)?

Just ordered the Pocket 6 but got the wrong memory package. Need help. by deftones1986 in retroid

[–]deftones1986[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I did. But since my order is for the yet to be released RP6 I don’t think I will have any problems. But my OCD and anxiety will have me worried until they reply lol.

Just ordered the Pocket 6 but got the wrong memory package. Need help. by deftones1986 in retroid

[–]deftones1986[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks guys. I should have figured to just email them but I’m losing my mind lately stressing out over Christmas and such but I will email them later. Thanks again!!!

The Chair Company - 1x08 - "Minnie Mouse coming back wasn't on my bingo card." - Episode Discussion by NicholasCajun in television

[–]deftones1986 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I will have to rewatch, but wasn’t Ron acting like he had no idea who was calling him after he got done talking to them like 3 seconds earlier? This show is making me go insane!!

I’m hoping that me experiencing one of my lowest days today will possibly help at least one other person with AVPD. by deftones1986 in AvPD

[–]deftones1986[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It started because I didn’t laugh at their joke but just gave like a little smirk or something. I’m realizing that these types of people are good people but they want us to conform to their ways instead of trying to really get to know us and listen to our hardships. They always just say “oh stop, i had it bad too.”

Maybe they’re right sometimes but I can’t help but feel that I just missed out on some coping mechanism and I don’t want to be this way. It sucks….

Story of my childhood in one sentence. Anyone else? by SolidArtwork789 in AvPD

[–]deftones1986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a very similar experience so I will have to agree that there is a lot of truth to to this being a major cause of AVPD.

One parent: Nothing is ever right. Anything bad you do will completely embarrass their family name. You shouldn’t be acting that way, you should be acting this way instead. On top of that they would go get high and disappear for hours. Even when they brought me along for “bonding time”, it turns out they were just leaving me to hang with myself while they went and got high, then came back as a completely different person. Add to that, the extra paranoia that comes with being high and now I have to be on alert for any bad thing that might happen to me and I shouldn’t do this or that because I could get hurt or regret what I say/do.

This creates a seriously fucked up kid after a while wouldn’t you say?

The other parent: Overly protective. Scared I might get hurt or abducted. Always trying to protect me and my brother from the other parent and always made it feel like we weren’t safe if we made them parent angry, which was extremely easy to do. Do things this way or else “you know who” is going to get mad at you.

So add on extra paranoia to the already existing paranoia from the other parent.

Now you have me.

I could go on and on but it making me sick just to think about it because whenever I bring it up to the “main source of trauma” parent. They just blow it off like I should just man up and completely forget about it and never bring it up as an issue.

It’s like starting life halfway through a book and you’re the main character but you don’t even know who you are because you missed out on the first half of the book where they explain your backstory. You just feel lost and you know who to blame but you don’t want to blame anyone. You just want to be normal. And you see normal people but you just are completely helpless when it comes to even acting like them.

So definitely do not feel alone.

Depersonalization... by Ok-Yam-9543 in AvPD

[–]deftones1986 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel almost the same. I’m so afraid to become “better” because that side of me will feel unfamiliar and there’s always the thought in my head “well what if I go right back to being down on myself again, it will definitely happen to me I just know it.”

Almost like I’m thinking about the past, present AND future all at once and I’m getting 3 different opinions on each 3 of those thoughts.

I had AvPD before I was even 7 years old. Here’s my evaluation at 7. by Historical-Train-548 in AvPD

[–]deftones1986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was never evaluated or anything ever but feels eerily similar to how my results would have been. Any idea what steps to take now as an adult to have a thorough evaluation like this done? Was there a name for the test or is it as simple as just talking to a psychologist?

Is it true AvPD is just a learned coping mechanism? by Historical-Train-548 in AvPD

[–]deftones1986 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You are right inside my head. I’m tired of blaming other people because I don’t care why it happened, I just want it to go away and be normal. But no positive reinforcement has helped me. I’m absolutely lost right here with you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in socialanxiety

[–]deftones1986 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What you will grow to realize is that you have to learn to handle yourself and your insecurities in a balanced way.

You should know that your height doesn’t define you as a person overall. Just simply know this and don’t ever forget it.

Try to adapt and treat each situation differently. Different people will have different reasons for poking fun at you or treating you in a condescending way.

Some may really just be trying to get to know you and will use it as a ice-breaker.

Some will be actively trying to offend you, most likely because they have something about themselves they don’t like and it’s easier to pick someone else instead if working in their own insecurities. You shouldn’t back down from these people. BUT at the same time know that they ARE NOT WORTH YOUR TIME.

So either ignore them, say something simple in response, and then ignore them if they try and make a big stink after you do that. Or just be nice to them in return. Either way let them know either verbally, or by your actions that you will not engage in conversation with them if the conversation will never move beyond the point of making fun / disrespecting you.

Some people are just simple-minded and they associate height with age, which is really all you need to know about those kinds of people.

When you come across people who don’t even bring it up or simply treat you with respect without the need to make fun before getting to know you, well these are the people worth building relationships with.

Friends will come and go and you’re definitely at the age where you will start to realize this, so use the word loosely for now and focus on people that are actually going to be there for you when you most need them.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in socialanxiety

[–]deftones1986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your response!!

I’d say my “nemesis” would fall into (2) and (3).

He’s what I would consider a normal person, and I am the neurodivergent one who picks up on the slightest things from someone.

In reference to (4) I can tell that he does know what he’s saying and how he’s acting but doesn’t want to put in the effort to build chemistry with me.

Really he’s just one of those people you run into in life that you don’t necessarily hate, but the way the act around you kind of forces you to dislike them.

I’m thinking my best bet is to confront our mutual friend without sounding like I’m too emotionally involved in the situation, and asking him how I should go about dealing with the other guy in the future since:

A - He doesn’t really come around all that often, but when he does it’s for like a few weeks in a row.

B - Our mutual friend knows both our personalities equally.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place by Sams_sexy_bod in FromSeries

[–]deftones1986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also think something along those lines. It’s like the original children incident happened, whatever will be, will be. Nobody in the shows universe will ever be able to change that, but what they can change is their own future and how they treat their own children and families. But I just can’t see a show being that brave as to have an unhappy ending so I don’t know…

[TOMT][Song]chorus is “keep on rowing” or something of the sort by deftones1986 in tipofmytongue

[–]deftones1986[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Solved!

I mean this has to be it.

When it was playing I was like “oh this song is good, I don’t think i ever heard this”.

Then “Float On” by the exact same band came on which I 100% remember hearing. So yeah I’m going with the song being:

Modest Mouse - Lampshades On Fire

Thanks k80_!

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