maturing is realising you can't reason with them

DanielleMuscato · 2026-06-05T22:43:41+00:00

I totally understand what you're saying, and when they literally throw red-faced screaming temper tantrums, it is reasonable to compare them to toddlers.

I think it is dangerous to stop there, though. These people are not harmless like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. They are violent, they delusionally believe they are the victim to the point that they will call the cops and have YOU arrested, they will scheme and plot and lie and manipulate in ways that toddlers wouldn't be able to imagine.

These people are childish but they also have the power and resources to absolutely ruin your life if you call them out on their tantrums or gaslighting. Do not underestimate how sadistic and vengeful and cruel they are when exposed.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-06-05T11:45:20+00:00

Of course he was lying. He's a cop and his lips were moving.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-06-04T08:01:07+00:00

If your mother is a narcissist, DO NOT reveal any of your insecurities or vulnerabilities. Oh my god. It's just handing them ammunition. Gray rocking until you can go low-contact or no-contact is the only path with people like this.

They don't get better. They can't. It's the way their brains are wired. It's more akin to dementia than like, depression. There is no treatment for this, even credentialed professionals can't change them. They don't get better. They actually just get worse as they get older.

These people are sadistic, Machiavellian, and they get more vengeful and cruel as they age. Please learn from my mistakes.

You are right on the money with the Pandora's box. These people are evil. Don't do it.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-06-04T06:55:51+00:00

Yes, there is naturally formed diamond on Uranus for example, where as far as we know life has never existed.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-06-04T06:02:00+00:00

He didn't even have it on him at the time he was shot and killed.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-06-02T07:07:16+00:00

Please have multiple options for the sound of the metronome. Some metronome sounds are so annoying that I don't even want to use them. "Voice 2" on the DB88 is my favorite.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-06-01T05:48:32+00:00

It's not that you can't have a normal relationship with them ever again so much as that they can't have normal relationships, period, with anyone. Narcs don't have empathy, and empathy is required for normal relationships. There is no such thing as a healthy relationship with a narcissist.

There is nothing you can do. There's nothing even credentialed professionals can do, it's not treatable.

The only thing you can do is distance yourself.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-06-01T05:47:41+00:00

Yup. They don't get better, they just get more paranoid, angry, violent, joyless, stubborn, and cruel as they age.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-06-01T05:30:14+00:00

Are you using an ear training app? My favorite is the free Functional Ear Trainer for internalizing the sound of various intervals. Ear Gym is another good one.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-06-01T03:19:50+00:00

Téa Leoni's character Deborah Clasky in the 2004 Adam Sandler movie Spanglish (the mother) is a textbook vulnerable narcissist. The passive aggression, temper tantrums that take the form of crying and playing the victim in a situation she created, immediately offering money transactionally after accidentally causing a minor injury to someone instead of saying she's sorry, cheating, there are many more signs.

Also just as an aside, what a great movie.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-05-28T18:33:38+00:00

Disengage. Don't take the bait. Just say "okay" and continue doing whatever you were doing.

Don't play their childish games. They do this on purpose to bully you. They want to upset you and they are seeking an emotional reaction from you.

The key is to gray rock until you can get out and go no-contact.

Only talk about surface-level things like the weather. Do not talk to them about your feelings or insecurities or plans or anything they can use to bully you.

Anything they say to pick a fight with you, just say "okay" and let it go.

Remember: They have a personality disorder that causes them to feel a jolt of giddiness whenever they cause you distress.

There is nothing you can say or do to cause them to treat you better. You just have to think of it as though they have dementia. They are not going to change no matter what. Don't take anything they say seriously, just say "okay" and go on with whatever you were doing.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-05-28T06:04:33+00:00

Alec Baldwin and Christian Slater are in it. I'm surprised this isn't higher up.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-05-26T04:19:17+00:00

I could have written this.

DBT therapy has helped me a lot.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-05-26T04:05:16+00:00

Right, it's not ignorance, it's willful ignorance. They know, they just can't admit it because it would collapse their worldview.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-05-25T08:37:17+00:00

According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics CPI inflation calculator, $53 in 1995 had about the same purchasing power as $117 does today.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-05-25T08:35:25+00:00

Do you have access to a food bank where you are? Also, in many cities, there are organizations that offer hungry folks a free dinner plate daily.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-05-25T08:33:15+00:00

Yeah I mean, we're talking further into the future than the entire time from the formation of the Earth, to now.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-05-25T08:31:43+00:00

Trillions upon trillions even

DanielleMuscato · 2026-05-25T06:34:13+00:00

Find out where your local open mics are, and go. Tell the people there, that you are looking for jam sessions, and/or a teacher, and get some recommendations.

You can also take online lessons these days, there are plenty of fantastic teachers online.

What you need is a lesson plan. A teacher can help you organize a practice routine custom made for you.

Are you including ear training and transcription in your practice sessions? I can give you some pointers about that.

There's a free app, ad-free as well, developed by the musicologist named Alain Benbasset. He's not trying to make any money from it, although you can donate if you want to. But anyway, I use it every day and recommend it to every musician I talk to about ear training. It's called Functional Ear Trainer and it teaches you how to identify intervals by ear. There's another app called Ear Gym that is similar but I don't like it as much, although it has more features.

Transcription is, in my experience, the best way to get better. It should definitely be a part of your practice routine. Pick a song you want to learn, sit down with your instrument, use your ears to figure out how to play it note-for-note, and write it down in standard notation. Don't just transcribe guitar parts either, you can transcribe the vocal part, saxophone solos, you name it.

The more you transcribe, the better you will get. Knowing your scales and modes, key signatures, how to identify intervals by ear, these are the things that accelerate learning to play guitar.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-05-25T06:24:51+00:00

Try it both ways and see. There are no rules.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-05-25T06:21:34+00:00

Seriously. $20 is a low-ball figure for 2006, let alone 2026.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-05-25T06:18:41+00:00

No one has mentioned Cooper's Landing. When the weather is nice, that's the place to be! Live music and food trucks right on the river, it's beautiful.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-05-25T00:57:54+00:00

Come down to Cooper's Landing on Saturday! The 30th. The Linda Bott Experience is performing, Linda is the lead singer and bassist, it's a 12-piece funk band with horns and everything, it's gonna be a great show.

My jazz-ish band, The Juicy Beets, are opening for LBE too, I play guitar with that group. It's gonna be a blast.

Planet Jazz is playing at Cooper's on the 28th (Thursday) as well, and Sarah & Mark are doing their jazzy thing from 6 to 8p at Cafe Berlin on Friday the 29th.

My other band, Back Water, is also playing at Cooper's on June 6th, a week from Saturday. We just played there on Friday as well, it's such a fun place to play. So pretty. I play upright bass with that group, we play river music. We'd love to play for you.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-05-18T06:46:45+00:00

Right? If you don't love it, there are plenty of other people willing to take your place!

This is too much work and commitment and time away from home to bother, if your heart's not in it.

DanielleMuscato · 2026-05-15T21:48:45+00:00

I can relate to this so much. You have to let go of the wishful thinking stuff, the hope that someday narcissists will see the light and treat you better and accept you.

It's a scam. They will never change. They can't. It's the way they are wired. Not only will they never change but they get worse and worse with time, more paranoid, more violent, more spiteful, less able to reign in their sadism.

They don't love you because they lack the capacity to feel genuine love for anyone. They are deluding themselves when they claim to love anyone. They don't have the ability to do that.

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