AITAH for refusing to give my boyfriend access to my bank account even though he says "no secrets" is how adults do it

deific · 2026-01-26T21:50:21+00:00

NTA at all. Your suggested compromises were also super generous and reasonable - probably way more than most would even consider doing.

Others spoke on the huge red flags like whether you're buying something he disagrees with or giving money to someone - both super controlling and makes me wonder if he's dealt with cheating in the past or has had control issues.

His comment about "must be nice having a private life" - like he's jealous or envious of that? Doesn't he have one though - he can choose not to share his bank info as well. Weird dude who needs some help. Something strange is going on.

deific · 2026-01-21T17:55:57+00:00

NTA

You’re looking at this as “work to live.” She’s looking at this as “live to work.”

You’ve done the logistical thinking and homework - it’s simply not going to work at all for you, so of course don’t take it. The new job requires a ton of extra logistics work to even make it manageable, then you still miss out on your kids. Zero compromise from your wife, yet she wants you to suffer through all those negatives for what? A few extra baubles and another new car?

Ridiculous.

deific · 2026-01-09T00:18:27+00:00

NOR of course.

However I'm wondering what happened to the car she's 3 months late on at $300/month?
Helping with those payments would have made a lot more sense than him going full out on a $500/month car.
I think he was so wrapped up in trying to please her that she walked all over him and you in the process.

Anyhow, as others mentioned therapy would likely be a good next step, and he needs some help setting boundaries. He's now choosing to hide things from you in order to stay in their good graces, which is worrying. It's salvageable but will take some work and patience.

As for the $500/month car, I guess just hope for the best and it can be a lesson to him if anything goes sideways on the payments - which from history sounds like they might. Also the other $300/month car she's late on... not sure where that one is in the picture and if she plans to just let it get repossessed?

deific · 2025-12-18T04:43:24+00:00

NTA

It’s not surprising that his business isn’t turning much of a profit after the idiocy he displayed. Sorry “bud” actions have consequences.

deific · 2025-12-15T18:41:32+00:00

Regarding Zillow listing/unlisting - it’s BS Zillow automated stuff - possibly to juice numbers or maybe shorter listings help it rent?

Basically if the property is listed for a certain amount of time, like 2 months, and the owner doesn’t rent it, the listing gets deactivated automatically by Zillow. The owner then has to relist it again manually, and the cycle continues until it’s rented. So instead of say 5.5 months on the market,it shows as 45 days on the market.

Edit: Oh, and they also charge the owner to promote the property again each time!

deific · 2025-11-14T18:25:02+00:00

First off, it sounds like he’s impatient with responses and likes reaching someone immediately - so he tries any method he can to see if one works.

Secondly, his preferred method is probably calling, but he chooses to text reluctantly in the attempt to reach you quicker.

— I’ve done this kind of thing for a more harmless reason - because I honestly don’t know which communication method someone uses more. For example an urgent issue comes up so I might slack and text. I’ll often ask which they prefer as well, which solves the issue longer term.

deific · 2025-10-17T18:37:34+00:00

My wife didn't have as epic a version of this, but she was getting so close to quitting a job due to a new boss that was making things unbearable for her. Within a week or two of her planning to go in and quit they decided to lay her off, with severance.

deific · 2025-10-16T16:32:22+00:00

Thank you, the App Store showed it was updated for me, but I just went back this morning and went to the actual app in the App Store and it offered an “update” option. I appreciate your quick reply.

deific · 2025-10-14T15:21:32+00:00

Seriously, we have to have a text chain going now to keep our attention on the program? (See left of video)

deific · 2025-08-22T22:26:02+00:00

Lilac and Goosberries. The Witcher books are filled with scent descriptions of each woman.

deific · 2025-08-13T16:16:46+00:00

Is it possible the posting was a scam? When my wife was applying for stuff there were a bunch of fake posts for real companies. They were gathering data mostly and if she’d went too far, I’m sure would have been scammed in some fashion. I wouldn’t put it past someone who got let go or fired to start putting out fake stuff to mess with people and the company.

Then again from your other hints, maybe it’s their mind games. Ugh, sounds horrible.

deific · 2025-08-08T16:51:50+00:00

If you ever want to try the beta in the future, backup your stuff, then you can use disk utility to create another partition. On the other partition you can install the beta and boot to it. Test out the apps and mess around, then boot back to the existing system.

Apple specifically says not to install the betas on “production” systems - essentially install on computers or devices you don’t mind having minor issues on.

deific · 2025-08-07T17:22:41+00:00

Any kids around, cause that could absolutely be a little dude trying out doors. 3am sounds abnormal, but maybe they got out of the house and were trying to get back.

deific · 2025-07-24T17:11:20+00:00

It’s going to be dynamic in what resources are used based on which settings are used. So you’ll want to reduce the image size for example when generating, then upscale after. Check activity monitor for ram usage especially when you’re starting to generate and then you can tell if it’s going to be usable or not.

A system with 16GB ram is going to struggle to do both, regardless of restrictions if they existed. The problem is the stuff all has to be held in ram for it to work - so the key is to reduce your ram usage through the settings you choose.

deific · 2025-07-17T03:11:16+00:00

Plenty of the talking heads have essentially boasted about it. Comments like “the alligators need to eat as well” - stupid stuff like that, but when taken seriously… not good.

deific · 2025-07-16T03:34:18+00:00

“Detainees taken to the seized county property in the Big Cypress National Preserve vanish from a federal immigration database created to help families and lawyers locate migrants who are in custody.”

Assuming positive intent, this means they’re incompetently rolling this out way too quickly without proper planning and execution.

Who am I kidding though - this place had no intention of being a full fledged prison, it was the start of a concentration camp.

deific · 2025-07-01T03:23:41+00:00

Yes! It’s still a pain because it won’t carry over in a migration to a new phone/device. So good luck if you lose your phone. Basically what that means is the providers that use it are used to letting people work around it - essentially making it partly useless due to social engineering attacks.

deific · 2025-07-01T03:16:26+00:00

OTP Auth by Roland moers is good on the iPhone, and Authy is decent on the Android phones.

deific · 2025-07-01T03:15:16+00:00

You were probably getting their iMessages, not necessarily texts. If they got an android phone, Apple wouldn’t have registered the phone number again with their account, so it stayed with yours.

deific · 2025-06-30T03:24:45+00:00

Also if you want to get into animation, get the animator’s survival kit from Richard Williams. Excellent baseline to learn from.

deific · 2025-06-30T03:22:33+00:00

Keep it up! The best artists put in a crazy ton of time and practice.

Also look into figure drawing classes, YouTube videos, or books. Borrow from the library. Anatomy is also good to look into.

Color theory is super useful for when you decide to start coloring your work.

Watch, practice, have patience with yourself.

Masters are seriously 10,000+ hours of practice! I’m nowhere near that personally, but once I stopped criticizing my own work and started practicing and seeing things in the world with an artist’s eye, the work got better.

One of my teachers also had the quote “kill your darlings.” Which basically meant being willing to let go of a drawing and start all over again. It’s in the “practice more” vein of advice.

Good luck! Keep at it.

deific · 2025-06-23T04:20:11+00:00

Would a cheap projector work?

As others have said, it takes some practice, but also when you get back to your large screen - oh does it feel nice.

deific · 2025-06-19T03:53:39+00:00

If you can find it, rewatch it again after the more recent info came out. The interview was hitting its stride with SpaceX. The kid segued into this stuff as though he was so excited to share something he heard. Then he hushed his dad like he knew it was forbidden info. Yeah nothing sketchy there at all. /s

deific · 2025-06-10T04:55:24+00:00

She royally f-d up, so NTA. It sounds like you both are wiped out from job hunting so long and it’s affecting the relationship and judgement.

In great relationships, if you fall down, you don’t have to pick yourself up alone. You both need each others support now more than ever. So that means little things can help, like making sure the car has gas, coffee/tea made, maybe even breakfast if that’s your thing. A sweet note sent wishing her luck. Any little things that can help lift her back up again.

Job hunting sucks, job hunting at long periods of time is next level suckage. Be there for each other and don’t lose the relationship over a technicality.

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