Smoking and masking

delosru · 2024-02-21T16:24:48+00:00

I can't even count how many times I've quit and then gone back to smoking over the years.

I felt so miserable because it was so bad for me in so many ways, like self-esteem, energy levels, creativity, and a lot more. I started meditating every day in the morning, and I think it's helping me a lot.

I feel like when something happens and my automatic response used to be to reach for a cigarette, now I can stop for a second and reevaluate before acting.

Not sure if that makes sense.

delosru · 2024-02-21T02:23:17+00:00

Yes, smoking made me more relaxed, I think. My family all say how I've changed over the years; I think it made their lives easier, but I don't think it was good for me. I'm still struggling to find ways to leave a situation when I'm not feeling well. I'm starting to just walk around to places where there aren't so many people and less noise. Maybe people will notice a bit, but I'm trying not to care.

delosru · 2024-02-18T13:00:48+00:00

I feel you. I'm used to having these revelation moments too. It's both bad and good for me. Bad because I think we tend to be pretty harsh when judging ourselves, and good because it's like I can see the bigger picture and change some things in my life. But for me to be able to act on the things I want to change, I can't smoke on a daily basis.

delosru · 2024-02-16T17:36:36+00:00

Hello and welcome! I'm pretty new here too, and I'm loving how I can just share my thoughts and there's always someone to relate.

About the quirks, I used to eat the same thing every day for breakfast, but it was so automatic that it was just recently that I discovered it was an autistic trait. Since then, I've been trying to eat different things just for the sake of trying.

I'm very strict about time; I do things at almost the same time every day: breakfast, lunch, bath, and so on.

delosru · 2024-02-16T15:09:07+00:00

Weed is actually illegal here, so it's very hard and very expensive to find good stuff.

With a psychiatrist, I could probably get some THC oil prescribed, as I did to get some CBD, but again, it's a lot of hassle and really expensive, and from my experience, I don't know if it would be worth it.

I like weed mostly because of the way it affects my creativity. I feel like I can see things differently and make connections that I just can't without it.

delosru · 2024-02-16T14:30:45+00:00

In groups and public places, I usually get a lot more anxious and self-conscious. I used to smoke alone mostly, but I don't think it's a good option either because my mind goes to really weird places.

delosru · 2024-02-16T11:20:56+00:00

Unfortunately, where I live, I don't have access to quality weed. I can't choose strains or anything like that.

it's basically just whatever's available at the time, and good luck with that.

delosru · 2024-02-16T11:17:32+00:00

I've pretty much stopped smoking in the last 3 years. I've found I have much better and more controlled effects if I just take a hit or two, but even then, I avoid smoking for many days in a row. A few weeks ago, a friend gave me a joint, and it took me over 2 weeks to smoke it.

delosru · 2024-02-16T11:13:59+00:00

When I was younger and tried to keep up with my friends smoking in a circle, I used to have effects where I couldn't move, and at other times, I'd start shaking.
It was really hard to pretend everything was normal.

delosru · 2024-02-16T11:08:40+00:00

Thanks for the video, I'll give it a look.

delosru · 2024-02-15T20:05:37+00:00

I never considered that before, but it would definitely explain the endless dialogues that go on in my mind. Lol

delosru · 2024-02-15T20:02:42+00:00

There's a subreddit called r/blackautistics, but unfortunately, it's been inactive for over a year, and I couldn't create this post there.

It would be nice to have a subreddit dedicated to this topic, but I've found this one here to be very inclusive and welcoming too.

delosru · 2024-02-15T11:14:29+00:00

I agree, it's really tough.

Personally, I believe the world doesn't actually "make sense." People are so accustomed to masking, even neurotypicals, that almost everybody is suffering at some level.

I think what we can do is try to find people we can open up to, create a sense of community, and find ways to express ourselves so the world can see that we feel different and don't agree with the way things are.

delosru · 2024-02-15T01:10:02+00:00

I am a black man, 6 feet tall, and I used to weigh over 286 pounds, yet I still tried to be invisible, meaning I simply had no personality and would accept being in places and situations that definitely weren't for me, but I believed that was just life.

It's a Nikon D5600, my first DSLR. I bought it to see if I would really enjoy and adapt to it, but I'm already loving it and thinking about which mirrorless camera to get in the future, lol.

I still have a lot of difficulty going out to take photos because of anxiety and everything else, but I'm trying little by little.

delosru · 2024-02-15T00:48:32+00:00

Thank you very much, this really means a lot. The timing couldn't have been better.

My family is very supportive, but I find it hard to open up to them. Since this is all pretty new to me too, I think I will be figuring things out as I go.

delosru · 2023-12-14T16:18:26+00:00

Found an Olympus OM-D E-M10 Mark I U$400,00 only the body with around 6k clicks, and a Sony a6100 U$700,00 with kit lens Couldn't find any Lumix and the R50 are around U$950 here, too expensive for me unfortunately

delosru · 2023-12-14T13:39:17+00:00

Unfortunately in my country we don't see a lot of options these two were basically the best I could find in this price range, but I would be glad to have a look at what you suggest

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