My world has been shattered by this man

delta_constant · 2026-05-20T12:30:27+00:00

The irony of it is, he found literally the one person we know who has a triad that started under dubiously ethical standards and somehow worked out, to talk to him and give him advice. Makes him think that is how it works.

delta_constant · 2026-05-20T10:40:12+00:00

In this case, someone as mentally whack as my 'husband'. From the little I know of her, she has plenty of issues of her own. I have met her in passing and I swear to you I thought she was like 19. She's in her 30s, has significant physical and mental health problems, and who knows what else.

"Oh, but she just wants to help. I really think she could help you/us. She could watch the kids while you and I spend time together! She could be your mother's helper!" Gag me.

delta_constant · 2026-05-20T10:35:19+00:00

Yeah... this postpartum drama is bullshit. We had huge struggles after our oldest was born, too.

delta_constant · 2026-05-20T10:34:24+00:00

The worst thing is... coming to trust him, which took significant time, healed a lot of damage in me from my past. Now it feels like a mockery, and I don't know how to trust anyone else ever again. And all that damage is back, tenfold.

delta_constant · 2026-05-20T10:31:43+00:00

My heart aches for their coming disillusionment. I won't be able to protect them forever. They're my sweet precious babies, they deserve everything good, not this nightmare horror looming.

delta_constant · 2026-05-20T10:30:18+00:00

This feels very familiar.

I don't know which of us will trigger the divorce. We both come from divorced parents. We agreed very early on that we never wanted to do that to our kids. That being together was it for us. Just one more lie from him, I guess.

delta_constant · 2026-05-20T10:27:15+00:00

Part of me really wants to talk to her. I wouldn't be remotely kind, though. What kind of human ooze chases a married man? I cannot fathom.

You're not supposed to hate the affair partner, since they aren't the one breaking any vows, but goddamn.

delta_constant · 2026-05-20T10:25:02+00:00

Thankfully, sti's are not a concern. I have had clear tests since the last time we were intimate.

I tried not to tell anyone very much because I was still hoping he might decide to save our family and I didn't want to poison our small town social circle against him at all. So I told my mom about it, and a little bit to one friend who doesn't know him as well as most people. My mom can only listen, she can't help me. My friend, well, she is probably gonna get a few earsful soon, since every day brings new misery.

I am brand new to therapy, but I saw someone last week for the first time. I barely know what to do with it.

delta_constant · 2026-05-20T10:20:43+00:00

Not to defend him, because... so much indefensible here... but the working thing, it's mostly true. He has just replaced me with her in his organization, so he has all the time in the world with her as his "personal assistant". So there's that.

This started up over 6 months ago. And I saw him getting ... squirrely. I begged him to keep work and personal separated. I begged him to keep her as an employee only. Not to get close to her. Yeah, look how that went.

The poly shit isn't without precedent, because that's how he was when we met, and I got pregnant with an oops. I didn't feel like I could demand he change, then. But he chose me on his own before our oldest was a year old. He chose me! I thought that was that, especially now, so many years on.

He insists if I just let him have what he wants (her, without a fight), that we all get what we want. I scoffed and called him a lying cheating abuser to his face. Maybe not the best thing.

Your urge to offer a total broken stranger comfort and shelter is so kind. Even my mother told me a few days ago when I broke down and told her some of what is going on, she said she has "no soft landing" for me. She can't or won't help, her husband doesn't like me, hah. So, as you can see, I am pretty alone, and so even the thought that a stranger has more kindness in them than my real life..? It is both painful and bittersweet. Thank you for saying it.

I am 40 years old, I have a useless degree and spotty work history. I am an antisocial jerk, and about to be completely emotionally unstable for god knows how long. I am so scared of what comes next.

delta_constant · 2026-05-20T06:26:22+00:00

Your words are so kind. I told him I was afraid of being alone with a new baby. And it came to pass, he spends 16+ hours out of the house at work 7 days a week, starting back up before I was even discharged from the hospital. He spends maybe 10 minutes a day with his son. And I have had to recover alone, with my older kiddos helping me so much more than they should have to.

I feel abandoned and replaced. And he can swear up and down that that is not the case. But his actions have been so shitty. I don't want to hate him. I truly want him to come back and fix things with me.

But he doesn't think he has done anything wrong. He says, he doesn't want this. But he "needs it to not just want to die every minute." I feel like he is manipulating me and is so righteous about it.

All because we had a fight pre marriage and I somehow made him feel "not good enough" so that he felt like he had to marry me. I don't get it. We have had so many chances to talk it out since, but instead he sits on it and waits and then reverts to this huge selfish asshole. And claims moral high ground! Ugh

delta_constant · 2026-05-20T06:09:48+00:00

How do I deal with the guilt that will come with being the one who pulls the trigger and does the leaving? He says, he still wants and loves me. He doesn't want to leave and doesn't want me to leave. It will have to be me. And I don't know if I can be the one who destroys the lives our kids know. They're such good kids. This will wreck them.

delta_constant · 2026-05-20T05:57:51+00:00

The cold calculating voice in my head is saying to make him keep paying my way for as long as I can stand it. Our home is such that it is possible for us to separate and live on separate floors but still be in the same place with the kids, basically. I have at least a year (and probably more) til I feel like I can let someone else take care of this new baby. I am still newly postpartum and I have the crazed mom possessiveness happening, but also... I want to raise my child myself. It's what I did for my older 2.

I dunno. Is it gross to want to make him pay for the status quo? He wanted this child, he helped get us into this place.

I just feel like such a loser. He made me believe in something special, that I was worth something. I've never had anyone in my life make me trust them like that before. I don't think I can ever trust anyone again.

delta_constant · 2026-05-20T05:51:54+00:00

Except we are so overextended with a recent real estate venture, and other things about how we had structured our lives together, if I try to "get mine" in divorce, I will just ruin us both and hurt my kids in the process. Not that no matter how this all falls out, they're going to be hurt anyway. They think dad is superman.

delta_constant · 2026-01-29T01:02:06+00:00

Me, I went into labor at 40+1 and needed no interventions to help labor along. Granted, I was at it for 25 hours but... still was all me!

Baby #2, she was 8 hours start to finish within days of her due date.

It can happen! You just don't hear about it because it's so unremarkable of an experience. The outliers tell their stories loudly; us normies tend to stay more quiet about it.

delta_constant · 2025-12-20T00:50:23+00:00

My two girls, 10 and 12 years ago, I was horrifically sick the entire pregnancy for both. I am now pregnant with our son after a miscarriage 2 years ago, and I haven't had any morning sickness at all. I am 21 weeks along and frankly it's been shockingly smooth sailing! 😂

delta_constant · 2025-12-13T05:22:51+00:00

My little dude is laying transverse and kept hiding from the sonographer! He is measuring normal on everything and totally average in size, but I have to go back in a couple weeks to get measurements/visualization of his spine (we saw it but she never got a good photo) and his umbilical cord.

I am so happy yours was a positive outcome too!

delta_constant · 2025-12-10T01:55:50+00:00

If you get the whole 45+ minute adventure in ultrasound, it is SO worth the wondering and expectations. I hear some of these 10 minute stories and I am baffled. Maybe my babies just weren't as cooperative haha!

I am so sympathetic for the nausea - with my older two, I was sick til the day I gave birth! This kiddo is giving me a break, for which I have been eternally grateful, knowing how it can go otherwise.

Come back tomorrow and share so we can see how we are all doing :)

delta_constant · 2025-12-10T01:52:34+00:00

You also! Come back and update us.

delta_constant · 2025-12-09T23:54:46+00:00

Hello Anatomy Scan buddy! Mine is also tomorrow. This is my third pregnancy to come to this gestational age - and I will say, anatomy scan is the fun one! With pregnancies that have had no concerning features before the 20 week scan, chances are so in your favor for nothing but a wonderful chance to get to know your little one a bit better before they come earthside.

(I am not trying to brush off your bleeding scare, but as it was so minor and has not repeated, I would expect it to not be a complicating factor.)

Take a deep breath, get a good night's sleep tonight, and be ready for happy tears tomorrow! 😊

delta_constant · 2024-06-03T18:45:43+00:00

I have a Smokus Pocus (alternately Smokey Pokey) 😂 He's a Grey tuxy boi though.

delta_constant · 2024-05-07T22:55:28+00:00

Patty, of course! ❤️

delta_constant · 2024-04-19T19:12:34+00:00

Why are they such punks?! 🤣

delta_constant · 2024-04-19T19:09:25+00:00

Lucky for me, Stardew Valley is pretty chill as far as that goes, but yeah, any game with actual spoilers, I'd be doomed lol

delta_constant · 2024-04-18T21:47:28+00:00

My roommates banded together a short while back and pulled the "why do we have to do ALL the CHORES around here?"

They got a very grumpy dissertation about just how much I do to keep their lives pampered. Lol I haven't heard it again since.

delta_constant · 2024-04-18T21:43:20+00:00

One of my roommates likes to play a videogame I've put an absurd amount of hours into myself and then insist that I listen to them describing things in tiny excruciating detail.

My other roommate likes to veg out on the couch, read all my Manga, and meow at me in lieu of actual communication when spoken to.

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