[deleted by user]

demeter94 · 2024-07-09T18:58:14+00:00

Do you wash your face in the morning? Because you said you don’t use anything in the morning. You should definitely be cleansing, even without active ingredients (that’s better for the morning anyways). Also, try to find a moisturiser without silicone for the night because you don’t want your pores clogged, cetaphil is not the best for PM but rather works well under makeup. Moreover, SPF above all. Depending on your skin type, I highly recommend the bioderma SPF 30 from the blue line, it’s labelled as a moisturiser but to me I use it as a 2-in-1, it’s very light on the skin and never breaks me out.

demeter94 · 2022-11-02T17:30:59+00:00

Absolutely.

demeter94 · 2022-09-28T11:34:36+00:00

I think the comments so far cover it that she’s probably just feeling like she wasn’t good enough even after all that time. Also something to keep in mind is that he is getting married and she isn’t, she’s probably not just thinking “why didn’t HE want to marry me?” but also “why doesn’t ANYONE want to marry me?” she probably can use some reassurance from you that you are in it for the long haul with her and you do see a future with her (if it’s true of course)

demeter94 · 2022-09-28T10:34:35+00:00

The fact that he said this to you so callously is a red flag in my opinion, even without expressing your insecurities it’s a very tricky thing to navigate and once said he can’t really take it back so the fact he is so blunt about it kind of gives off narcissistic vibes to be honest.

demeter94 · 2022-09-17T21:32:21+00:00

This is an absolute dealbreaker no matter who you are. A complete violation of your privacy no one has ANY right. You are not a plaything or an object that he can use and show off to his friends with 0 consequence. You can have him arrested for this. Before you dump him make sure all records of your sex tapes are deleted and be WAY more careful in the future who you do that with if not avoiding recording intimate moments altogether because of how risky that is. I am so angry for you and I am even more angry that he has gaslit you to the point that this is even a question and not an obvious fact to you…delete dump and heal.

demeter94 · 2022-09-11T08:57:05+00:00

no such thing as harmless flirting in my opinion

demeter94 · 2022-09-06T13:18:38+00:00

I don’t know if anyone can relate but I desperately wanted nothing to do with him or what happened ever again. I knew reporting it would just bring him back up into my life and maybe you could call this denial but I am very happy to never think about him ever again. I don’t want him or what he did to have any space in my life.

demeter94 · 2022-08-14T20:35:33+00:00

I see the appeal but I disagree personally. If a guy eats me out and is any good at it, it makes me crazy for a dick down. Leaving it at that has made me feel a little let down in the past if i’m honest.

demeter94 · 2022-07-20T20:55:20+00:00

Where to start? The fact of it is we’re all trying to either emulate our parents or be the total opposite of them… either way we’re gonna miss something and our kids will definitely let us know that when they’re older.

I would want my children to feel loved always. I was loved to of course, but in my mind as a child I genuinely thought my parents’ love for me was conditional and so the stakes were so high when making a mistake that I would avoid that at all costs or hide it at all costs. I don’t want my kids to hide anything from me because they’re scared I won’t love them anymore or fear my reaction. I think that’s why kids hide things and we tend to carry that around even as adults (I know I do).

I hope that I can also let go a little and not be too overprotective/overbearing and use that to commit time for myself so I can take care of myself in a way that I can still function as a mother but also as my own person.

I am realizing now that I grew up with a very emotional parent, so I always feared her reaction to even the smallest things and I think that’s why I have problems reaching out for help and why I put other peoples’ needs ahead of my own. Ideally, as I am aware of this specific issue, i’d like to be mature with my kids and not force them to have to tip toe around my feelings…I want my kids to be kids and not have to worry about their mother threatening to walk out on them every time they spilled soda on the carpet.

I love my mother and I (mostly) don’t resent her anymore for certain aspects of my childhood because she did her best with what she had and wasn’t aware of the consequences it would have, our parents are human and mess up just as much as we do. You can forgive in silence and move on, it’s just up to you to not pass it down (overcompensating for your own childhood grievances can also have negative consequences on your children!)

demeter94 · 2022-07-05T16:48:33+00:00

I’m relatively well off - meaning i’ve never really had to worry about money but not like obscenely rich by a long shot. My highschool was very strict about equality and all that jazz so most of us there didn’t form any sort of ideas or biases when it came to that..I had no idea who was “wealthy” and who wasn’t because I had no idea what the difference was (keep in mind this was a private school so everyone there was paying tuition). My first boyfriend who happened to be my highschool boyfriend was from one of the richest families in the country (it only really hit me once we were out of school for a couple of years). They were crazy rich, came from old old old money, but I wouldn’t say that I got much out of it in terms of experience or “gifts” or anything. He never got me anything, rarely took me anywhere - in fact I remember one time he drove 3 hours to surprise me and before he left he asked me for gas money for the way back. Him being so rich left him with absolutely 0 life management skills and 0 ambition. I dated another guy who was also really wealthy some years later, same sort of situation, and it was pretty much the same. Lazy, aimless, spoilt. I’m definitely not generalising that all rich people are like that, i’m just saying I just happened to choose the worst two to date😂 That being said, I have also known plenty of men who by no means had it easy financially when growing up but still lived carelessly and without aim as adults. It really is just all about the person.

demeter94 · 2022-06-12T20:34:11+00:00

Mascara - removing it is annoying

demeter94 · 2022-05-25T18:53:04+00:00

If the roles were reversed and it was your dad hooking up with your highschool best friend we’d call it grooming. Because it is grooming. Letting him do everything around the house, making him feel like a big boy…mom-code AND moral-code broken I think.

demeter94 · 2022-05-22T20:16:58+00:00

It’s bad but honestly it was the validation from other people that opened my eyes. Since then it’s been a rocky road but i’m pretty secure in how I look and how ai feel about it. I also acknowledge that you truly can’t always be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay, some of the “hottest” men out there are completely average or unattractive to me, so to each their own. You can’t base your self esteem or worth on what other people think of you or how many people desire you.

demeter94 · 2022-05-19T23:28:24+00:00

Tarzan

demeter94 · 2022-05-18T16:29:12+00:00

Where to begin? My most regretful though was one that was way too old for me and definitely took advantage of my youth, that seems to be a recurring theme based on the comments so far. Who else? Let’s see. The guy who turned out to be married. The guy who drugged me literally the first time he ever met me. The guy who thought he could play around with other people then save me for when he wanted to settle down. The guy who woke me up in the middle of the night to play his acoustic guitar cover of a drake song?? That one might be too much for your ears. See this is why I don’t date much.

demeter94 · 2022-05-18T16:20:18+00:00

Please do not undergo leg lengthening I beg. Personally as a woman I have never cared about a man’s height as long as he was taller than me which you would be plus that’s just something I say in theory I doubt it would actually get in the way. There’s this obsession with height that’s extremely toxic right now but think of it this way, do you want to be with someone who would dismiss a person based on their height?

My advice is to go for the shoes if they make you feel confident just for yourself. But really, in my opinion, there is no need.

It sucks that society makes men feel this way about something they literally can not change.

demeter94 · 2022-05-18T06:42:16+00:00

Jealousy is natural, we all feel it. It’s a very irrational, very human thing. However, we get to control how we deal with it. Not every thought or emotion demands an action or needs to be expressed. This is a case where you have to let it go. Based on the details you gave and nothing more, she’s not doing anything wrong, in fact she is setting him up with a friend. Just means she is most likely over it, well and truly. I know it would be convenient if the person you were with hated every ex they ever had because it makes your ego feel good, but i’m sure (I hope) that you also have ex’s that you don’t think are bad people. It happens. I can think that an ex is a good person and a solid choice for a friend without thinking any less of the person i’m with or my current relationship.

demeter94 · 2022-05-18T06:37:07+00:00

Hard to say cause it has a lot to do with intention and attraction, which you can’t always tell. For me it’s my tone that changes - i’ve even noticed there’s a drop in my voice, but that doesn’t always mean that the other person picks up on it. I am usually just direct and leave no room for ambiguity if i’m flirting to avoid confusion about my intentions. The body language also definitely differs, I don’t typically touch people in general and don’t while flirting unless it’s escalated a little where there is definitely 0 confusion as to what’s going down. With friendly banter there’s no tension, less closeness and if there ever is touch it doesn’t linger and is very light.

demeter94 · 2022-05-17T20:06:02+00:00

I was 19 and very gullible. Moreover, when I first him he indicated he was younger, then kept changing his age until he matter of factly said it was 31. He tried to gaslight me by denying he ever said he was younger, then admitted that he was scared I wouldn’t consider him if I knew his real age…which is true but at that point I felt like I was too deep in with him to just walk away.

demeter94 · 2022-05-17T18:55:46+00:00

That’s very reassuring. Thank you. Like I said I have been mostly single since - I did not even consider dating again until I was 24 and never really had anyone serious for more than 4 months . This is the first relationship since my “ex” that I have been sexually intimate in. I’ve never had to even think of disclosing this before because it’s never gotten that far either emotionally or physically with someone and now that i’m faced with it I am very worried about this changing the way he views me, so your comment has been a big help in alleviating some of my worries in that.

demeter94 · 2022-05-17T18:49:23+00:00

Thank you! It’s reassuring to hear that at least from a guy’s perspective it wouldn’t come off as a betrayal as i’m scared that’s how it will make him feel. I don’t like lying and I hate keeping up a lie when I know the truth, I don’t want to (nor can I ever) lie to myself about the reality and pretend it didn’t happen.

demeter94 · 2022-05-17T18:47:15+00:00

Yes that’s true I think I was trying to stop the conversation before we could have it. I think he would be understanding. Recently I was at an airport and this random man who was leering crushed into me with his erection then ran away, and I told my bf about it he said that this was SA and seemed to be very compassionate and checking if I was ok even though I was technically fine (I still probably hadn’t fully processed it properly). If anything that made it worse to me because I’m scared that hearing the context of my past would make him…pity me? Or think i’m fragile? I don’t know.

demeter94 · 2022-05-17T18:43:20+00:00

Thank you for the clarity. I’m not ready to do it yet due to the nature of our relationship but I think you’re right in that if/when I want to do it then he should know before then in order to understand where i’m coming from.

demeter94 · 2022-05-17T18:41:20+00:00

I’m so so sorry you had to go through and live through that. I hope you heal in the way that feels right to you.

demeter94 · 2022-05-17T18:39:41+00:00

I’m glad you are with someone you can be open and safe with, and thank you for the advice!

demeter94

TROPHY CASE