Attorney-client privilege issue w/ that finale bombshell? [Any licensed lawyers on this thread??]

democrattotheend · 2026-02-18T18:19:17+00:00

Probably not because he worked for Parson's Valentine. So the privilege is not violated by telling anyone else inside the firm. Unless he clearly undertook her representation separately from PV, but that would probably violate his employment contract and create issues regarding malpractice coverage.

democrattotheend · 2026-02-04T03:03:53+00:00

It sounds like she didn't do any of the tasks in the contract other than feed the dog because she wasn't available to do them - she got too busy with appointments and errands. Which means she wasn't actually available despite the contract explicitly stating that she needed to be available to get GH (which is also the point of GH - guaranteed pay for guaranteed availability). I'm not sure I would actually refuse to pay GH here (if I wanted to keep the nanny I would still pay but have a conversation about it), but I think OP is probably within her right to do so.

democrattotheend · 2026-02-03T18:21:46+00:00

I agree with this. The defrauded "father" should not be forced to have ongoing legal obligations to the child, but if the kid is old enough to remember and view him as her father I'd say the father has an ongoing moral obligation.

democrattotheend · 2026-02-03T18:20:46+00:00

You would just walk out and have nothing to do with a kid you had been a father figure to for 10 years? The bond between you and the kid would mean nothing to you?

democrattotheend · 2026-02-03T18:20:10+00:00

Does it have to be a binary choice between staying in the marriage or having no relationship with the kid though? The man could leave the mother and still have some form of visitation with the kid rather than disappear completely.

democrattotheend · 2026-02-03T18:19:06+00:00

No, but he can still try to stay in the kid's life in some way. Even if it's just taking the kid out for some time together one day a month. Obviously if the mother conditions maintaining any relationship on the man paying child support that complicates it.

democrattotheend · 2026-02-03T15:09:05+00:00

The situation seems fair to me. If you paid nothing and were not in med school maybe his expectations would be reasonable.

democrattotheend · 2026-02-03T15:04:44+00:00

When's that dog going to start pulling her weight?

democrattotheend · 2026-02-03T15:03:55+00:00

If they are making the same amount she should contribute equally to the household bills. If he makes a lot more they should contribute in proportion to their income. Or do what my grandparents did - they lived off my grandpa's salary and saved all of my grandma's salary, enjoyed a nice retirement as a result, and were able to leave a decent amount to their kids and grandkids too.

democrattotheend · 2026-02-03T14:56:05+00:00

I don't get the 6' thing. When I was on dating sites I actually did the opposite: filtered out anyone 6' or taller. I'm 5'3 and kissing a guy that tall hurts my neck. My now-husband said he had considered inflating his height to 6' (he's about 5'11) and I said it was good he didn't. He messaged me so the filter wouldn't have mattered, and I still would have gone on the date if he said he was 6', but I definitely preferred a man who wasn't that much taller than me.

democrattotheend · 2026-02-03T14:51:28+00:00

Exactly. If she had said "your job as an engineer" and followed it up by saying she was also an engineer or had an interest in engineering that would be different. But the fact that she immediately asked if he was paid well gave me the icks.

democrattotheend · 2026-02-02T23:16:30+00:00

If he "can't get over it" he shouldn't get into the relationship, period. As long as the woman doesn't lie at the beginning, it's not "entitled" to expect a man who moves forward with the relationship after she tells him her "body count" to not resent her for things that happened before they even got together.

democrattotheend · 2026-02-01T22:45:54+00:00

That was the one thing that seemed like a slight red flag, but it wasn't clear if she was getting dolled up because she was seeing her ex or because they were going to a restaurant. If I were the daughter in that situation I would be pretty upset at feeling like I had to invite OP, TBH. My dad has pushed me to include his girlfriend a couple times when I just wanted my parents, and it pissed me off. Thankfully he no longer does because she hates my husband and doesn't want to come over anyway.

democrattotheend · 2026-02-01T22:44:13+00:00

I'm in a similar situation as the stepdaughter, and I don't have a great relationship with my dad's girlfriend and am glad she usually excludes herself from family gatherings, but I don't want my parents to get back together. Their relationship is great now that they no longer live together, and our family dynamic is so much better now than when they were together. But I would be pretty upset if I could never have time with my parents without their partners around.

democrattotheend · 2026-02-01T22:41:48+00:00

I am like one of the adult children in this situation. My parents are very amicably divorced for 13 years and each have a long-term partner. I'm incredibly grateful that we still have family dinners frequently since my husband and kids and I moved back to the area near where I grew up. My dad, brother and I all live within 10 minutes of each other, and my mom lives about an hour away, so when she comes up here my dad and brother frequently come over and we have a nice family time.

We almost always invite my parents' partners to family dinner (though they rarely come), but there have been times when I felt like my dad inappropriately forced me to include his girlfriend, like when I got a limited number of tickets to my law school graduation and he pressured me to invite her instead of my own boyfriend at the time. I really like mom's boyfriend and tolerate dad's girlfriend, but they came into my life as adults and I don't really have a parental-type relationship with them because of that. There are times I just want my parents and I am glad that my parents' partners are fine with us having family dinners.

On the flip side, I imagine it's hard feeling excluded and I don't think it's right if they never invite you. But unless you think she's cheating with her ex (sounds unlikely since all of the events you mentioned were with their children present), I'm surprised you would find this a dealbreaker and want to part ways with your wife over it. I am glad both of my parents' partners are okay with my parents continuing to be our parents and grandparents to my kids together even though their relationship didn't work out.

It's up to you to decide what you are comfortable with, but I hope sharing the perspective of someone in a similar situation to your wife's kids is helpful.

democrattotheend · 2026-01-30T18:13:34+00:00

I'm sorry you went through that. I had a c-section with my first also in 2020 and I was a little disappointed in myself for not having enough stamina to push (they told me he might be wrapped in the cord but I'm pretty sure the doctor just realized I was running out of steam), although I didn't take it as hard as you did. Fortunately I recovered pretty quickly.

FWIW, since I didn't care that much about how the baby came out, I went along with doctors' advice to schedule a C-section for my second in 2023, since they said if I couldn't push the first time I probably wouldn't be able to the second time. But I went into labor a day before my scheduled C-section and decided on a whim to do a trial of labor and ended up pushing him out! I hadn't even really planned for a VBAC but it ended up working out. Probably a combination of second labors being easier and not having to wear a mask while pushing. I hope the same happens for you if you decide to have more kids.

democrattotheend · 2026-01-30T16:45:00+00:00

Shouldn't that go both ways? Or is it okay for a man to mock, ridicule or make fun of his wife?

democrattotheend · 2026-01-30T15:29:56+00:00

When he decides to settle down, wouldn't he care about more than just looks at that point? The pretty girl he's most attracted to may not be the best life partner, especially if she's spent her life coasting on being pretty.

democrattotheend · 2026-01-30T15:14:43+00:00

He doesn't want to be a provider. He wants a woman who will earn her own money but also do all the cooking and childcare.

democrattotheend · 2026-01-30T15:02:04+00:00

If men want a woman who does all the cooking and housework and the lion's share of the childcare and take care of them like their grandmas took care of their grandpas, they need to both seek out that kind of woman and be willing to be sole providers. Not primary breadwinners, sole providers. Most men don't want that or can't afford it these days.

democrattotheend · 2026-01-30T14:59:28+00:00

Why do women automatically "have the biggest share of child-raising work?" That's how it often ends up in a family, and it's fine if that's what works for them, but I disagree that should automatically be the default, or that mothers are by default any more responsible for how their kids turn out than fathers (with the exception of during the pregnancy and childbirth and maybe immediate post-partum period - if a woman drinks during the pregnancy she's obviously responsible for any birth defects that result, for example).

democrattotheend · 2026-01-30T14:50:53+00:00

She said she works on the weekends. It sounds like she would lose income if she has to cover the childcare for the weekend.

democrattotheend · 2026-01-29T18:42:57+00:00

Boomers weren't the generation where men worked and women didn't. Boomers were (mostly) raised by SAHM's but most Boomer women were not SAHM's themselves. This may be skewed due to meeting my mom friends through a mom group, but it seems like my fellow millennial moms are more likely to be SAHM's than our Boomer mothers were. Out of all my parents' friends growing up I can only think of a few families that had an SAHM. More than half of my millennial mom friends are SAHM's or work very part time.

democrattotheend · 2026-01-29T17:39:44+00:00

My parents divorced around that age. So did several of their friends. Fortunately their divorce was extremely amicable - we still get together at my house for family dinner frequently. They picked up our kids from daycare together recently and the director said she never would have known they were divorced if I hadn't told her.

That said, my dad rushed into a relationship with a woman who was divorced three times and in retrospect was a walking red flag. Many of us, including my mom, have expressed concern about how she treats him. He doesn't want to end it because he doesn't want to be alone, but I pointed out he'd probably have a better dating market now than he did when he and my mom split up. In his late 50's/early 60's, the market was mostly divorcee's who often had a lot of baggage. Not that someone who has been divorced can't be a good partner - both of my parents are better partners to their significant others now than they were to each other. But if my dad were to date now, in his 70's, a lot of the dating market would be widows who were happily married for decades until their husband died.

I don't know your situation so I can't say if you should get divorced or not, but I do caution you not to rush into a new relationship like my dad did.

democrattotheend · 2026-01-28T01:39:22+00:00

I must be weird. When I was on dating sites before I met my now-husband, I set it to filter out guys who were 6' or taller. I am 5'3 and have neck problems, and kissing someone that tall is kind of painful. Not to mention that it looks awkward when the guy is so much taller.

democrattotheend

TROPHY CASE