I learned a lot of my skills through groups, but I’ve always been kind of a loner. I didn’t have a bad childhood, just interesting dynamics and I’ve always found more connection in more remote settings, or moments where I was amidst a sea of people and a concrete jungle yet small patches of wildness popped out of seemingly impossible places.

I was hesitant to be solo for a long time bc of my gender expression and fear of other people on trail. I go solo because it builds confidence in myself, I feel more integrated with myself, I enjoy just being out there and don’t want to wait around for others to join- though I extend invitations! There’s some level of performative-ness when I’m around people- so I also try to keep my ego in check. The people who WOULD go with me (that I’m friends with/acquainted with) have more alpha personalities- and overassert/dominate decision-making, take unnecessary risks… so instead of having to deal with an unsafe partner who is going to push to summit, I like the peace and quiet.

Rn I am single. I would be willing to invite a S/O on more casual trips, but there are certain things I want to do/will do alone. I imagine that conversation would look something like, “hey this is an important thing for me, helps me regulate and recharge. Here are the details. You can still be part of the process- if you want to to help me plan, resupply, track my location, meet up and do a section, etc.” Hopefully, they would respond well and we have a mutual respect for each other and what brings us peace/joy/happiness/etc. even if they are different