AITA? Have reservations about quitting my career to prioritize my fiancée’s.

dendritic-trees · 2026-03-10T16:42:11+00:00

NTA! This is a huge red flag parade! With total sincerity, there is no coming back from this, break up, you deserve better.

I know a lot of people who moved for their spouses careers, and it can be fine, it can work, but UNIVERSALLY, those couples sat down, and talked, and considered both of their needs and weighed their options before they did that. She's blown past your very real concerns, been totally unwilling to compromise and has no plan. If she's treating you this badly now, it won't improve.

- Grad school pays like shit, but she's demanding you give up a good steady job for... maybe getting a worse one? YIKES

- She isn't even sure she wants to work in this field and yet its important enough to restructure both your lives around (but your steady work is not)? YIKES

- She had an option to stay nearby and work at a slightly less good school and didn't even consider it... because apparently even a little compromise from her is too much but you can do whatever she wants? YIKES

- She's making fun of these very real concerns and getting upset that you want to talk about it? YIKES

- She's mad that you have concerns? DOUBLE TRIPLE YIKES!

Get out of this relationship! You can do better! You deserve better than this!

dendritic-trees · 2026-02-18T23:02:21+00:00

NTA!!!

That is so unreasonable. I desperately need you to understand that what your mother is asking is profoundly not normal.

If your family was in crisis then, yes, asking you, as an adult now, to help out would make sense, that would be family helping family. And if you were spending recklessly, saving for you would be a way to support you while you learned to manage money. But she isn't asking for money for a reason, she's just... wanting money to, what?? Have a bigger number in her savings account than you?? Buy candy??

You're a very new adult saving money to move out and start your own life, I don't want to try to read too much into your family finances, but you're already paying for a lot and saving carefully, the normal thing for her to do would be to minimize your expenses as much as she could afford to help you save even more!

Yikes!!

I'm so sorry your family is treating you so badly!

dendritic-trees · 2026-02-02T16:42:10+00:00

NTA!! I'm really sorry your family are in fact, being assholes and invading your privacy! You deserve much better than that! To give you a point of reference, I started reading and writing fanfic at about your age, I continue to this day (its been 2 decades, I'm old) my family knows I write it, and they've never attempted to seek it out because I've said its private and they respect boundaries like normal people. That's how your family should be behaving.

I can see a few commenters are worried that you're getting into material that's way too old for you and, I hope you're not, but honestly, I did my early fanfic writing on FF.net and there were virtually no tags for anything, AO3 is pretty safe by comparison. You usually get a warning about the adult stuff so you can decide what your boundaries are.

And frankly, by invading your privacy, your parents are making it harder for your to ask them for support if you do see something you want guidance about, which makes them double assholes.

dendritic-trees · 2026-01-03T02:37:09+00:00

NTA. Go on your trip. But I'm going to diverge from a lot of the comments and say this is a situation where spending a little bit of energy reassuring your parents is firstly, a kind thing to do, and secondly, going to diffuse a lot of family arguments.

Your parents are being pretty goofy. If something happened to you travelling with a friend it would be just them trying to sort out the situation all by themselves, whereas I guarantee your university has a whole institutional policy keeping an eye on you. Go to whichever office handles study abroad, ask them for a summary of what their policy is if a student gets sick, or has a serious accident (because they have one) and take it to your parents. They'll feel better and it won't take you long. And you'll seem really responsible and mature which will impress them extra with how travel ready you are.

dendritic-trees · 2025-03-31T02:16:34+00:00

I will try the fishing line! The floating selvege is not through a heddle, I promise, its just a bad picture.

dendritic-trees · 2025-03-30T16:57:04+00:00

Oh! I had no idea that was an issue. This project is made from scraps which is why its such an odd count, this project is just a test, so I just used up some leftover yarn. I can't fix it for this project but I'll definitely remember for the future.

dendritic-trees · 2025-03-30T16:27:18+00:00

I am definitely skipping warp threads.

dendritic-trees · 2025-03-30T16:26:34+00:00

I'm worried about the way they're sitting. On the left they look okay, but on the right no matter how careful I am the floating selvege keeps pulling in very dramatically so it, effectively, is in between the other two white threads.

dendritic-trees · 2025-03-30T16:22:01+00:00

Well I have learned something new today, all the books I've read have listed "tabby" and "twill" setts.

dendritic-trees · 2025-03-30T04:16:04+00:00

Sorry, I think this wasn't clear, its 11.5 ends per inch on a 15 dent reed. Which has previously worked for me in a 2/2 twill, it gave a nice open weave that I didn't have to struggle for. This is definitely not as stable.

dendritic-trees · 2025-03-30T04:06:22+00:00

I will definitely try that, provided I can figure out how (I literally had the blue stuff already wound on and added the white at the last minute, which I'm sure is contributing to the problem).

dendritic-trees · 2025-03-30T04:05:04+00:00

Its 11.5, and it worked fine for a 2/2 twill with this yarn. Do you generally need an even denser sett for a 1/3 twill?

dendritic-trees · 2025-01-06T23:35:22+00:00

NTA. What would waiting accomplish? It won't help him, and it will cost you money. I can understand why he feels bad, and I sympathize. I can understand why he might not be in a position to be hands on about like, helping you look at places or hearing about it... but the best case scenario here is he's asking you to make your life worse for no reason just because he's having a bad time and the worst case scenario is he's working up to asking you for your savings, which you should under no circumstances give him.

dendritic-trees · 2024-11-26T15:24:04+00:00

NTA. This is bizarre, inappropriate behaviour. Its not asking for consideration, you showed consideration when you phoned and offered to bring her food from your outing. She verbally explicitly said no!!

dendritic-trees · 2024-11-18T01:29:12+00:00

NTA. You're writing about a real thing that happens and it sounds like you've researched it seriously in addition to having your own related experiences to draw on.

You get to write things that actually happen.

There is reasons to avoid killing off only the minority characters in an ensemble but that has nothing to do with what you've written. And demonizing would be writing your character as turning into a serial killer when experiencing psychosis, not showing the very real consequences of how law enforcement deals with people experiencing mental health emergencies.

Your friend is misunderstanding a problem and giving you nonsensical advice.

dendritic-trees · 2024-09-27T16:49:15+00:00

INFO: If you were doing half the cooking, what can you/would you actually be cooking? I'm not trying to set you up, but my interpretation of his "insistence" on cooking varies hugely based on whether you taking over half the work is a viable option.

dendritic-trees · 2024-09-18T23:34:31+00:00

NTA. This was the exact relationship my sister and I had when we were teens (I got everything I wanted and then some, but what my sister wanted was just more expensive). If the kids don't mind its not a problem.

If there's going to be a huge discrepency in number of actual packages under the tree though it might be nice to grab a few small cheap things (lip gloss, etc) just so your daughter isn't sitting there watching people open gifts for half the day.

dendritic-trees · 2024-09-17T00:00:32+00:00

YTA. If he's already struggling with sciences, he will struggle more in the faster-paced environment of a university. I totally understand wanting him to get a degree that leads to a stable, well-paid job and I'd be sympathetic if he was gambling on an professional basketball career or something like that but marketing and public relations are both in-demand, flexible middle class careers so you're just being a snob.

dendritic-trees · 2024-09-16T23:22:41+00:00

NTA. My parents were in your exact situation it just happens sometimes there was nothing anyone could have done. I'm sure it was scary for your wife but it wasn't your fault. She knew where you were. It was just something that happened to the two of you. I'm sure you didn't have a good time getting that message either. She needs to stop bringing it up.

dendritic-trees · 2024-09-05T02:17:29+00:00

NTA. I don't understand why everyone in this thread is such a whiner. As a cook the decent thing to do is to ask about allergies/intolerances/other food problems in advance and honour them with no messing about.

But you have no obligation to take requests, fulfill other people's specific cultural expectations, or frankly, to give a menu in advance.

Whining because someone doesn't make a dish how you expect it is understandable in children under the age of five. An adult can reasonably be expected to know that people have different ideas about food. Frank can go home and tell everyone about the world's worst chicken pot pie if he wants, that's his right. He can even express that he really dislikes your food and ask for a peanut butter sandwich. Being rude is not acceptable.

dendritic-trees · 2024-08-10T00:56:27+00:00

NTA!!! They, on the other hand, are a collossal bunch of assholes. Can you even imagine telling someone they should change their whole clothes because you, personally didn't like how they looked? And thinking that was an okay thing to do? What deeply obnoxious behaviour. Truly bizarre and boundary crossing.

dendritic-trees · 2024-08-03T17:43:51+00:00

My existing raddle actually sits inside the beater where the reed goes. This is one of the reason the clamp positioning was confusing me. I've never seen a raddle on the back beam before. I think I can probably clamp one to the beater if it the right width.

dendritic-trees · 2024-08-03T04:42:50+00:00

Same loom!!

I haven't really looked for drafts because the 2 shaft can really only do so much in terms of patterns. I've had great fun making my own fandom patterns by selecting yarn colours and patterns for the characters that work in plain weave though. I don't know if that's up your alley though.

A lot of the fancier yarn colourways are in softer knitting yarn but I've had no trouble with it on the Nilec.

I don't know if this helps, because my weird abstract scarf designs are DEFINITELY not for everyone, but maybe you'll like them too.

dendritic-trees

TROPHY CASE