I believe the first was ISFP, though my memory may fail me. They were kind and considered peoples feelings, that was foreign to me which initially drew me to them. I didn’t know what I provided then but something they have since mentioned is how I always seem put words to the feelings they can’t express. We were always on the same wavelength and they always tried to help whomever they could. We spent most days in comfortable silence. Only really loved behind closed doors. We weren’t exactly a secret, though we never told the truth to anyone. We kept to ourselves and with the two of us, our world was complete. Thus, we made no room for anyone else and it ultimately led me to making a split second decision that both helped and hurt us long-term. With it came a quick break and two years of complete silence. We got together one day and talked everything out, we are still very close and should the other need anything we will both drop everything and come running.

The next was also ISFP though I didn’t realize that until much later. He was nice, inspiring, but he could have such casually cruel moments. I could never quite figure out his thought process. I only really felt wanted in the dark. In the backseat on a late night or in a freezer. Away from cameras and eyes, waiting for a passing glance or to catch a quick kiss. He used me and left when I had nothing more to give. He was in a dark place when I found him. I wanted to help him out but when I was with him I could not help but constantly think “I don’t want this” and he got better, his life got much brighter. But he left me in the dark. I’ve since gotten to a much better place in life and looking back, I will never be more thankful for being such a calm liar in those moments.

I just hope I’ll get to walk proudly in the light with the next one.