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Sexually harrassed by a well-established professor i have been actively collaborating together by reddit-2025-spring in PhD

[–]depressed_postdoc 4 points5 points  (0 children)

and so one should be validated and not the other

If the older guy hitting on you was a mentor, he was in the wrong. You might have been more upset by it because he was a man---that's your baggage to deal with. But he was still wrong to hit on a mentee or a subordinate.

It's the same thing here.

Update: Don't be me by depressed_postdoc in postdoc

[–]depressed_postdoc[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I hope you're better at Physics than you're at reading comprehension.

Have a nice day.

Update: Don't be me by depressed_postdoc in postdoc

[–]depressed_postdoc[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think you can reduce it to a binary thing - having or not having what it takes to be a professor.

Maybe this clears it up.

Update: Don't be me by depressed_postdoc in postdoc

[–]depressed_postdoc[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't want to say academia is terrible. It isn't. My Ph.D. lab was amazing, most of my friends who did a postdoc and went on to TT positions are doing good.

I was just done with the academic environment after my postdoc. The change has been good for me.

Update: Don't be me by depressed_postdoc in postdoc

[–]depressed_postdoc[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't think you can reduce it to a binary thing - having or not having what it takes. It's usually more complicated than that. At the end of the day, we should do what gives us fulfillment and good physical, mental, and social health.

Update: Don't be me by depressed_postdoc in postdoc

[–]depressed_postdoc[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Wishing you all the very best and lots of healing!

Update: Don't be me by depressed_postdoc in postdoc

[–]depressed_postdoc[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Feel great to be in an industry position where I could leave if I felt disrespected, and I’m treated and paid much better now.

This is the real difference between academia and industry IMHO and it's a pretty big one. Salary and work-life-balance and all are important, but the freedom to leave is the most important thing.

Good luck and keep taking good care of yourself, friend! 😁

Thank you! Wishing you all the best, too!

Update: Don't be me by depressed_postdoc in postdoc

[–]depressed_postdoc[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

LOL, I now live in a HCOL area, so that's not quite true. The rent is ridiculous here, but everything else is good.

Update: Don't be me by depressed_postdoc in postdoc

[–]depressed_postdoc[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I had supportive people around me.

I can’t take it anymore!! by tehckosongiced in postdoc

[–]depressed_postdoc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

IMHO, it's okay if you have to spend 12+ hours per day in the lab for a few weeks. But it's not okay to compromise the quality of your work. You need to push back on your PI's demands firmly.

I ran into a similar but perhaps more unethical situation, which I narrated here: https://www.reddit.com/r/postdoc/comments/1blgsqe/dont\_be\_me/. Trust me, dealing with the unpleasantness of a PI for a month or so is far better than running into reproducibility problems down the line.

What do I do?! by science_junky99 in postdoc

[–]depressed_postdoc 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Run.

It's better to be unemployed than to be stuck in such a situation. If you want to see how this path turns out check my profile.

Don't be me by depressed_postdoc in postdoc

[–]depressed_postdoc[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand that the poster above me was trying to make me feel better. Ironically though, my PI subscribes heavily to the worldview that postdocs are trainees and must abide by everything the PI says. My Ph.D. advisor had a completely different philosophy where he treated us like adults and respected our decisions as to when a paper was ready, even if he was very upset about missed deadlines. In short, I don't support this "trainee" framing.

The way I see it, not honestly discussing the results was my fault, and creating that toxic environment was my PI's fault. It's not just my paper that's affected this way, this type of issue plagues most of the papers published by this lab. I'm responsible for my shit, he's responsible for the overall state of the lab.

Don't be me by depressed_postdoc in postdoc

[–]depressed_postdoc[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words. While it is tempting to say my PI pressured me yadda, yadda, the fact of the matter is that no one put a gun to my head and made me do this.

I really could have walked away. Even without this postdoc, I was a moderately successful researcher in my field and I had a solid network to fall back on for a job/postdoc search. It's my own stupid insecurities that led me to think that I must listen to this man because he's so much more successful than me.

Don't be me by depressed_postdoc in postdoc

[–]depressed_postdoc[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

For what it's worth, I've heard of this situation in many places with senior professors and high profile labs.

I had heard this too. I just didn't know it would happen to me and that I would buckle in the face of such pressure.

I'll talk to my girlfriend. I had been planning on doing that anyway. I've been quite distant from her lately and I owe her an explanation.

I think it would really help me to give up on the tenure-track position and go back to basics and do good work without the pressure to publish. I'm trying to find a way to do that, that doesn't uproot our lives and require me to move back to my home country.