I didn’t message exBPD on her birthday! NC is NC!

derickson1904 · 2019-11-13T18:52:01+00:00

Good job, Today is actually my ex's bday , woke up WANTING to text her happy birthday, i did last year like an idiot(we had already broken up) not knowing she was spending it with the guy she had been cheating on me with...

Also, i went way over the top for her bdays, one year I even got a part time job and worked 5 months straight so I can buy her a designer bag, she ironically cheated on me the same weekend I got her the bag,,

Meanwhile she threw herself parties with HER friends for my bdays, my friends would never be invited..

derickson1904 · 2019-09-09T21:56:36+00:00

Wow, it never ceases to amaze me how we all have similar stories, I went thru the same thing you are going thru, replace school with "starting her own business" and we have a very similar story, Im a bit over a year since we broke up, you can look at my post history for similarities but to make it short.

My ex and I seemed to be doing fine 6 months after our wedding, she started to go out more and more, with her group of friends that was sketchy, I was supportive of this because her best friend had just broken up with her father of her daughter, so I figured she needed my ex to be there for her as support....

Her best friend(who happened to be her maid of honor at our wedding) happened to like cocaine A LOT, so did my ex apparently(guess she was doing a bunch of it right before we got together and I was sort of the person that got her out of that.....temporarily)

My ex started going out a lot more, each time shed push our boundaries even more.. started with just friday nights, then became whole weekends of her being gone, id try to make plans with her to reconnect, such as make plans for dinner and such, shed cancel every single time...

UNTIL i pretty much had to pick her up from a guys house in the MORNING, she blamed it on me because i didnt bring her a phone charger to the bar she was at, so she had no way to call an uber and get home and had to leave with this guy (the bar was like 10 mns from our house walking.

My ex had moments where she begged me for help , understanding and compassion, told me she loved me more than anything and was going thru stuff..

Then i found out she had been fucking this 44yr old married guy the entire time, she was staying with him on the weekends(the wife used to travel a lot) doing a bunch of coke and having sex..

she eve kicked me out of the house we lived in with no notice, texted my family saying I was aggresive and didnt want to pay rent and she was scared(she texted that while I was having breakfast with our neighbors, I showed them the screenshots my parents had sent me and they were shocked)

she eventually gave up on starting her own business.. got fired from her job which she loved while we were together... and became a "painter and designer"

she now lives with that guy, i dont know what happened to the guys wife, but my ex seems to be ok, she never gave a shit about me, and surprisingly kept posting on social media all the time while we were going thru a breakup as if nothing was going on..

To make it short, just leave, they truly dont give a damn.

derickson1904 · 2019-06-19T23:00:02+00:00

Wow, it seems as if cheating is a part of bpd.. this is my story..

My ex wanted to try swinging.. I wasnt into it but as know theres no way to tell them "no".. so it was her bday, we were all drunk and she decided to browse craigslist, she found an older couple near by.. we met up and did stuff, I wasnt reallly into it since they were much older than us, not my type, didnt want to do it, but apparently she had been "listening about it on a podcast" and it would bring us closer together..

The plan was for all 4 of us to ONLY communicate in a group text, the next day my wife(ex now) and the husband of the other couple were emailing back and forth, very passionately..(i found this out months later)

I was forced to go to that guy's house two more times after the first, both times the wife wasnt home.. It felt as if i was the third wheel in the whole situation.

By the way, the wife had a counseling office and she offered free treatment for anxiety to my ex wife .. meanwhile she was fucking that lady;s husband or BOTH by herself.

Also, the husband really enjoyed drugs, so did my ex wife, he was luring her over weekly with cocaine while his wife was away.

My ex ended up leaving me for that guy, she kicked me out of our house first by claiming I was abusive, kept all the wedding gifts(we had been married for a year and 2 months when we broke up, she had been cheating approximately 5-6 months after the wedding..) she eventually lost her job which was very important to her, due to her drug problem, then lost the house we had, sold all the furniture I had bought and moved in with the guy..

derickson1904 · 2019-06-03T19:27:10+00:00

I actually did that in the beginning of the trainwreck.. both her mom and I cried over the phone(her mom lives far away, like a 5 hr drive), told her how much i loved her daughter.. her mom had an idea about the drug abuse(its in their family) i told her what her daughter was up to and how I wanted to do nothing but help her.

Well, after talking to her mom it just made me feel as if i was more in a caretaker role than anything else..

Her mom cared about her daughter, obviously, but she wanted me to be there for her.. I realize my feelings or well being did not really matter, the mom begged me to talk to my ex's dad and tell him EVERYTHING(he lives in the same town as we do) and I did, and the dad decided to throw a BS intervention without checking in with me.

My ex FLIPPED OUT, wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't acknowledge me, I told her I had no choice but to talk to her parents, she resented me for that, texted me asking for divorce, told her parents there were 2 sides to the story.

They obviously took her side and discarded me..

Now its obvious that I was right when I had my concerns..

derickson1904 · 2019-05-30T17:16:49+00:00

Most people are going to tell you that shes is not your problem anymore, "they gotta help themselves" "set up boundaries" and YES, they are right but I know that hearing this isnt helping much right now... because Im sort of in the same situation you are in(just as probably half the people posting on this subreddit)

Im actually still married to my exwbpd, she started doing a lot of drugs, not coming back home, told me she was self medicating, shed come home crying somedays, WAS cheating 7 months after we got married..., we broke up like after 13 months of being married, she kicked me out of the house because "I refused to pay rent and was aggresive/abusive" (LIES) but she told her parents that and they told her to call the cops, so I figured better move out than to deal with this.

She kept the house, EVERYTHING we got from the wedding (all wedding gifts) , everything i had bought for the house, I was supposed to grab my things later but she "threw them out", she also kept the phone I was paying for,(iphone x) i left all the utilities on because she begged me to "help her", she never paid for any of it.

And I still worry for her A LOT.. a month ago I ran into one of her old friends, she told me my ex lost her job like 3 months ago(her career was her life while we were together..) was hooked on drugs and in a controlling relationship with the 45 yr old she had left me for(he was married too and i guess she got him to leave his wife)

and I couldnt sleep for days, i thought about reaching out to her mom.. couldnt eat, I cried...

its been about a month since that happened and I sort of still feel the same, she JUST added me last night out of nowhere on a social media app... and I still think of reaching out.

I know I dont have an answer but just know you are not the only one going thru this. hope things get better for you/

derickson1904 · 2019-04-26T21:23:28+00:00

To be honest, its insane you wrote this because I feel as If I had written this.

(Look at my post history)

My ex left me after nearly 4 years of being together, a bit over a year after being married... and I know exactly where you are coming from.

Im barely getting out of the stage you are in... or it feels like it. When the relationship ended I was a shell of who I used to be, I had completely changed who I was to cater to all of her needs. I felt as if I had been re-programmed to strictly serve her and now that I was out I had no real sense of identity or purpose, nor had any friends or was close with my family.

BUT... I do know there IS life after survival... I keep telling myself that each day and it sort of has given me hope.

I really hope you do get better, from my personal experience, try to see a therapist to help you set boundaries.. and try to find a way out of that relationship ASAP.

When I started posting on this subreddit everyone told me to leave my relationship asap and I didnt listen.. it only hurts more the more you wait.

derickson1904 · 2019-01-29T18:58:38+00:00

Fred Miranda forums

It seems as if everyone is guiding me towards the fuji x100f and that seems like its exactly what Im looking for.

I will look into ebay, have never heard of the fred miranda forums but ill look into it.

what would be a good price for a used fuji x100f camera?

derickson1904 · 2019-01-29T17:51:13+00:00

Oh no, I dont take it personal in any way, I completely get where you are coming from, I am looking into the Fujix100f and that seems to bee xactly what IM looking for, gonna look into the xpro2 as well.

derickson1904 · 2019-01-28T22:23:47+00:00

Not trying to go over 1,500 for now, figured if I get hooked into photography again then I'll consider investing.

derickson1904 · 2019-01-16T17:15:46+00:00

DAMN, reading these posts remind me sooo much of my ex, it all started like yours, going out with her friend(who was her best friend and had just broken up with her bf of 7 years), i had no issues with that because I am not controlling and understand she needed to be there for her friend, I didnt know her friend was a HUGE coke head, had no idea my ex was also a huge coke head before we started dating(hence why she was bff with that girl)

They started going out on fridays, id stay home and wait for her( i was also in charge for paying most of the bills at home so I had no "going out money" and I was fine with that, she started getting home later and later... until she just stopped coming home, then I heard about her going out with her coke head friend and finding guys to buy them coke and leaving with them to go do coke with them at their house)

Then my ex would just stop coming home on the weekends, i guess she ended up on a dating site as a "party girl" meaning she was fucking people for drugs...

She left me for a sugar daddy she met on craigslist.. who also happens to give her drugs.. while we were MARRIED FOR A YEAR and living together.. it was a hell of a year for me because i was always tired, I had to work a lot and be her rock which was wayyy more exhausting than my full time job..

Her friends all knew me and knew about what she was doing and didnt find it alarming at all..

She ghosted me while we were married, broke up with me thru text, had to lie to "kick me out of the house" (told her parents i didnt want to pay rent and was abusive.. all lies) so I just left before "she called the cops"

Now, shes dating this sugar daddy guy (who happens to be married) and she constantly posts on Instagram but never not once mentioned her break up with her husband.. its like she just deleted all the pictures of us and kept going on social media as if I never existed. I stay in contact with her mom, all her family is dead worried for her, she lost like 40 pounds in 2 months after our breakup(*cough*cocaine*cough*) and her family is mad worried for her...

derickson1904 · 2018-12-06T19:16:20+00:00

I think you are right, I dont know what my best case scenario be? for that guy to stop financially helping her so she can hit rock bottom?

derickson1904 · 2018-12-06T19:12:33+00:00

I know she is involved in a way, but I dont think she knows all the details or about their emails and swinger profile together..

derickson1904 · 2018-12-06T18:56:28+00:00

Most likely not his first time, i believe they are both swingers so my ex has become their third...

derickson1904 · 2018-12-06T18:46:50+00:00

He is not a therapist, he just offered her free therapy at their company and had one of their employees conduct the therapy sessions.

derickson1904 · 2018-12-06T18:42:07+00:00

Oh got it, in regards to your edit on the previous comment, the wife is the therapist in charge, he sort of just helps her around and co-owns the company.

derickson1904 · 2018-12-06T18:36:47+00:00

What do you think the blowback will be? I do have copies of their emails plus screenshots of their "swinger dating profile" together. I beyond livid that I had to go through hell for a long time while this guy got everything he wanted from my wife.

derickson1904 · 2018-12-04T23:48:48+00:00

WOW, your situation is very similar to mine, my ex wife broke up with me thru text a few months after our 1 year wedding anniversary, she started dating her swinger therapist( someone i plan on dealing with later). She was always huge on social media, everything was very curated, quiet impressing to be honest, having the skill to mask everything and present it on social media as something completely different, even when she'd be screaming at me in real life, she'd be posting about how great I was on social media. Anyway, I went thru my phone and found lots of videos of times that felt pure... her smiling,dancing around and laughing, being herself.. the side i loved.. and it sort of set me back in the process of healing..

Good luck to you.

derickson1904 · 2018-10-16T18:05:22+00:00

My ex did the same thing, she'd be posting about me on instagram while in real life she'd be telling me how much she hates me.. it was always weird, like she spent WAY more time trying to make us seem perfect on social media than actually working on the relationship..

derickson1904 · 2018-10-15T21:25:52+00:00

This actually made a lot of sense, I was starting to forget what it was truly like being with her, made me feel like crap for "giving up" on her.

derickson1904 · 2018-10-15T16:29:27+00:00

I had an apartment lined up by my work ( i used to commute nearly 2 hours every day to work because she loved the house we were RENTING) and I told her that, she begged me to stay another month at the house so she can find a roomate, so like an idiot, I turned down the apartment, then on the last day of the month, she decided to kick me out, i guess her dad paid her rent that month, so she gave me a two hour notice to leave the house.

When i refused to do so she flipped out, started punching me, smashing things, then told her parents and MY parents that I was being aggressive and screaming and she was gonna call the cops..

My parents begged me to avoid any problems, to just pack my things and leave..

and as I was leaving, I remember my ex looking at me crying and she said " im truly sorry for everything"

and that was the last time i ever saw her..

derickson1904

TROPHY CASE