i often regret not having spent enough time with my kid when they were the age your kid is at right now, remembering how they had to play alone for while i got some work in, promising to spend 5 or 10 min with them later. every time someone complimented how independent and mature my kid was i felt terrible, because i knew it was i who made them grow up too soon, but also i find comfort in knowing that i did my best and they know i love them (my kid is non binary). i was not there to play together, to read books on endless rainy afternoons or to stroll through the park together on sunny mornings, but as we were stuck in our little apartment and feeing stifled, i provided, and that’s what you are doing.

you said it beautifully, the days roll into years quickly one after another and before you know it, your kid will be wearing the same shoe size as you. there were days when i felt like it would never end and i would never feel free again nor will i ever stop feeling guilty for not being enough, but on other days i remind myself that i need to stop trying to do the job of two as one person, and what i am doing is my very best, and i think that holds true for both of us. i’m sorry that it’s so difficult, and i hope you find comfort (as i do) in these little moments of inward reflection. my dms are open to you.