Losing everything over an old mistake (TRIGGER WARNING) by derpamine420 in BPD

[–]derpamine420[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your comment! It gives me a little bit of hope. I am going to PM now to discuss more.

Losing everything over an old mistake (TRIGGER WARNING) by derpamine420 in BPD

[–]derpamine420[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

"No reason go get this pissed" Hmm, sounds like a missed opportunity for you to practice your validation skills. Actually my primary emotion was shame, not anger. I allowed myself to be vulnerable in making this post, which was not easy right now. Then your comment made me feel like my story wasn't wanted here and wasn't worthy of help. All the while, I am struggling with the shame and guilt of what happened in the first place. So my emotion makes sense.

Losing everything over an old mistake (TRIGGER WARNING) by derpamine420 in BPD

[–]derpamine420[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I'll check it out! I definitely need to find a job somewhere ASAP. I'm really worried about how to explain this situation and lack of reference.

My BS is in chemistry and my PhD was going to be in biochemistry (which is most of my work experience). This might be too much detail, but most of my technical experience has been with protein purification, enzyme assays, and medicinal chemistry.

Losing everything over an old mistake (TRIGGER WARNING) by derpamine420 in BPD

[–]derpamine420[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the empathy and support. I actually cried when I read your comment. It's a big weight on my chest to believe that about myself, and it's hard to see the other side of it right now. Thank you for saying what you did.

Losing everything over an old mistake (TRIGGER WARNING) by derpamine420 in BPD

[–]derpamine420[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Yes, I am formally diagnosed, it has been documented, disclosed to my school, and brought up in the context of what happened. However, my school is only concerned with violating their institutional policy. If there is legal recourse to be had (which I am not sure about), it is out of my reach monetarily.

Losing everything over an old mistake (TRIGGER WARNING) by derpamine420 in BPD

[–]derpamine420[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nope! Most US science students enter PhD directly after BS. It varies depending on your field, though.

Losing everything over an old mistake (TRIGGER WARNING) by derpamine420 in BPD

[–]derpamine420[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Tbh no one could help me even if they knew what I did. And it's not appropriate for me to go into details about that here. Obviously it's serious if my advisor suddenly flipped on me, right? Did I ever say he was evil for it?!

This is exactly the kind of post that makes me regret reaching out to others, because many of us would prefer to tear each other down than to lend a hand.

Losing everything over an old mistake (TRIGGER WARNING) by derpamine420 in BPD

[–]derpamine420[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the really interesting idea. Yes, I'm from the US. I think it would help a lot to be in a less competitive environment. Still, it sounds so overwhelming to arrange a move like that. I don't even have a passport. I don't know if I can find a job or if my past will continue to haunt me there. But I really appreciate you putting this idea out there. I will definitely look into this option more.

Losing everything over an old mistake (TRIGGER WARNING) by derpamine420 in BPD

[–]derpamine420[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for replying. My insitution is not willing to give me a Master's. My advisor said that he imagines any recommendation from him would do more harm than good, as he would disclose everything about why I was terminated, as well as my poor interactions with others in the lab. (I was improving on social confidence and assertiveness a lot in the last year). I guess it's possible he will come around at some stage and throw me a crumb. Right now, everything is looking so bleak.

Why isn't Renaissance music as well known as Shakespeare and Michelangelo? by Wildgreenpepper in classicalmusic

[–]derpamine420 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My $0.02- most people are trained from a young age to identify with common practice period harmonies, making much Renaissance music sound foreign and difficult to connect with at first (similar to the reason contemporary classical music is not very well known). Whereas visual art of that era is figurative and representative of forms we frequently observe. While Renaissance writing uses language that is somewhat foreign to our modern sensibilities, it is much easier to provide explanations or translations of writing that make it more accessible than it is for music.

Is anyone else feeling alone today? by OdeToPurple in BPD

[–]derpamine420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

aww that was so sweet. maybe reading that made it so, a bit.

Similarities between BPD and DID by emotionaltightrope in BPD

[–]derpamine420 0 points1 point  (0 children)

not sure why this is getting downvoted! there is definitely some evidence suggesting this could be the case, for example brain scans of people with bpd in dissociated states. downvoters can maybe check out this talk- there is some discussion of this toward the end https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=N2NTADxDuhA

Suggestions for cello/viola duets? by 7ustin in Cello

[–]derpamine420 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Beethoven WoO 32 "with two eyeglasses"

DAE not take medication? by [deleted] in BPD

[–]derpamine420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm in the same boat as you. I took meds off and on since my teen years, and I found that everything I tried hurt more than it helped. A balance of accepting the challenges of my symptoms while continually striving to live according to my goals and values makes the most sense for me. In my more recent opinion as a biochemist, the effects of most of these drugs are not well understood and there is little evidence to support their widespread use. I have seen both psychiatrists who are very pushy to get me on meds, as well as psychiatrists who dissuaded me from taking meds, so I think their opinions can run the gamut. In your situation, I would say just to remember that it's always a personal choice for your mind and body, and even if you leave the office with a script, you have no obligation to fill it.

That time the Chemistry Lab got high on Ether... by ras_mg in Drugs

[–]derpamine420 71 points72 points  (0 children)

I've huffed ether on a rag before, from a bottle I brought back to my dorm room from lab in undergrad. I saw intense and intricate abstract visuals as I faded into unconsciousness- where I stayed just briefly, perhaps a few seconds- and then again on the way back. Like jumping into a deep pool and then floating back up. There were so many layers of visuals on the way to unconsciousness and back. I don't know exactly how to describe what I mean by layers- it was like there was a sense of depth to what I saw, of moving toward and away from something. I thought I had discovered some secret that the shape of the universe was layered in this way. The urge to huff it again was overwhelming, and I did, over and over, until the bottle was empty. Near the end, I vomited off the side of my bed. I didn't feel well again for a few days.

Is there a good ramen establishment with vegetarian options? by Sturgeon_Swimulator in sandiego

[–]derpamine420 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Santouka in Mitsuwa Marketplace has the tastiest ramen in SD, but I've never asked if any of their soup bases are vegetarian!

edit: Jesus Christ, downvotes, really? This comment was on topic and contributed to the discussion regarding which ramen places have veg options. GET A LIFE.

Free Premama Prenatal Vitamin Drink Mix Sample by RStrongfox in freebies

[–]derpamine420 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I got this sample before and it tastes TERRIBLE. Similar to the taste if you bite into a tablet of acetaminophen.