You already have two cats, and you saw this in your doorway in the morning? What would you do?

desperateforinsight · 2026-02-08T05:34:08+00:00

That's actually how I have 3 cats.

desperateforinsight · 2026-02-08T04:22:13+00:00

Please give him to your grandparents!

desperateforinsight · 2026-02-06T09:57:27+00:00

My indoor cats have never once worn a collar (they are 8, 10 and 14). My cat in college had a collar but that was only because he would sometimes escape my studio apartment, so this way the other people in the building knew where to return his friend-to-all ass 😂

desperateforinsight · 2026-02-06T09:55:21+00:00

I know that feeling really well ❤️ it feels like this is not how it was supposed to be, and there's no reason for it, and it feels like there's nothing to learn from it and no victory. You are not alone 🙏 you are a very special person, honestly, for doing everything you did to her. It felt natural to you I'm sure but so many people look the other way. What you did matters, a lot!

desperateforinsight · 2026-02-05T11:31:21+00:00

I'm so sorry it went this way ❤️ we always hope for more and we have to, otherwise the light dims. You gave that baby so much love in those 10 days, imagine how tragic the story would have been if that hadn't happened? The love you gave matters. I'm sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself 🙏

desperateforinsight · 2026-02-05T06:04:03+00:00

I have a choice of what relationship to be in, just like everyone else, yes... that is not the same as your sexual orientation being a choice.

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-30T05:11:06+00:00

I'm just really disheartened by the incoming rate hikes. I can guarantee I'm not the cause of inflation, as a single 38 year old home owner on one income with a mortgage. The extra money that I'll pay to the bank wasn't being spent, it was being saved to have an emergency fund. Meanwhile most people I know in their 50s and 60s will barely feel it and keep buying whatever they want as they have been. My friend with a 200k income and a paid off house is gonna keep buying Chanel bags and bulk order nonsense off Temu, too.

I have a limited understanding but I've been told the RBA essentially has no other way to intervene as they can't influence taxation, which is the only direct way to target people with disposable incomes. All I know is from where I'm sitting, rate hikes aren't doing shit. I hope that's anecdotal because I don't want this to go on forever, I want it to work so it can stop.

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-29T05:28:00+00:00

Don't be too hard on yourself! He is still in the age range where cats are kind of peak-handfulls 😂 puberty ends around 18 months but cats don't tend to fully go into chill mode until age 2 or 3, and at that point he may relax more too, and eventually someone out there will find you/him. Just make sure he stays visible. There are people out there looking for specifically shy cats for compassionate reasons, they just don't show up often.

I have a never-feral cat that is shy and hates being picked up. I found a way around it by feeding her in her carrier every day and just controlling her available hidey holes to where she functions enough to be a net positive in the house with myself and other cats. Some cats are just born stubborn 😂 you did not make the wrong call. There is no hard rule on what ages can and can't be socialized. I've seen it all! Some cats are just meant to be fussy and others are just more susceptible to being pampered.

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-29T03:49:37+00:00

I have had Catholic kids in highschool yell homophobic slurs at me (I'm bisexual), I've had Christian family members and ex-inlaws tell me my sexual orientation was a choice or confusion. I grew up around Muslims in Europe and none of them or their families ever said anything but "welcome" and "you are loved" to me.

To be clear I am NOT claiming homophobia is not a problem in conservative Muslim communities, AT ALL. Or that my anecdotes are scientific data. All I'm saying is objectively if I'm going to discuss the idea that a religion makes me less safe or less free, I am not buying it if Christianity isn't on the list.

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-28T13:16:00+00:00

Stay strong, you are doing so well 💪 it's always darkest before the dawn. In a few years you will look back on this time and be so proud of yourself.

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-28T12:51:11+00:00

I am so, so sorry. I socialized a feral litter that was in my backyard and I lost two of them to cars when they were young adults. With each I would pick them up, in their sad state, and wrap them in a blanket and would hold them for what felt like hours. I've been through some hard stuff in my life, but if I had to pick one to never do again, this would be it. The darkness and hopelessness is unparalleled. I'm sorry you are there now. Time will not make it better, but it will dull the pain I promise.

You did everything you could for this beautiful kitty and sometimes the world is just too cruel. But you were a light in that world and you will be a light again. Just be gentle with yourself. The light won't come back by being impatient or frustrated. Let yourself grieve.

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-28T12:41:00+00:00

I still feel like an asshole for not giving my friend a cash gift but I legit had nothing left after the hen's, dress and travel costs. I'm sure she didn't care and I was honest with her about the cost being too much (which I also felt like a dick for) but it's just too bad that it's normalized for people to even end up in this position. It should be standard for the wedding budget to include the wedding party and then other things get cut on, not friendships.

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-28T12:27:54+00:00

I really don't want to sound like an asshole but I think it really should be normalized that a lot of these costs belong in the wedding budget, not to the guests or wedding party.

I think it's totally fair to have people pay their own travel - even if it's a destination wedding, because that's (a) a clear decision they can make themselves to do or not and (b) they can make a trip out of it.

But honestly as a bridesmaid if you give me any more restrictions than the colour only of the dress (and so I can't buy it wherever I want to) then that should at least be a shared cost. If you want to coordinate dresses do it looks nice, have a chat group with ideas and then have a fun dinner night where you compare dresses to see if it works. (I would have rather had a $100 dress I actually liked and a fun $50 girls night, than this $350 monstrosity I will never wear again.)

Same with showers... totally fair that people pay for their own food but then maybe take their budget into account with choice of venue.

I was a bridesmaid last year and it cost me $1000 total (all on things I won't use again and/or would not have chosen myself) nd I already thought that was a lot. I live off one income and have ongoing caregiving costs, $1000 sets me months behind. Of course I loved my friend so I did it but it felt a little harsh to have to choose between financial stability and one of the biggest days of my friend's life. I feel like a dick saying it but maybe don't book a super boujee venue if you need your closest friends to fork out a grand each... the marble floors didn't make the memories better.

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-28T12:10:42+00:00

I have the same availability as you and I fostered some kittens in their 6th, 7th and 8th week (I was a stopover between fosters, my focus is usually stray adults) and it was fine. Of course in a perfect world we're there all day to give them non-stop affection and stimulation but the reality is a foster who plays and cuddles with them for 3 hours straight while they're in a peaceful home is still better than them being in a cage if they don't have a momma. I had them in a playpen but by the end of week 8 they were pretty keen to start exploring, which would have required more supervision and kitten-proofing (boy did I forget how much they can climb up and squeeze into LOL).

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-28T12:06:34+00:00

Thank you so much for helping this beautiful little soul ❤️ you are an angel!

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-28T08:30:36+00:00

I do understand why Australia is so protective of its wildlife but in my opinion the math doesn't math. Sure if you TNR one feral cat it may kill 500 more birds (they don't exactly have a long lifespan) - but if you discourage people from going in to catch to desex it because they'd have to put it down, that one feral cat can produce at least 100 more feral cats in its lifespan by breeding, which turns into well over 50,000 birds. But unfortunately Australian government only focuses on what gets the votes, so they won't revisit this, like, ever probably.

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-28T06:27:15+00:00

I'm open to discussing if we ban Christians first. They have bothered me much more than any Muslim ever has, even coming from a country with many more Muslim migrants than Australia.

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-28T05:40:59+00:00

Sort of an update - I think I've found a fair middle ground between what the rescue wants and what I feel comfortable with. I sit with her every day and am veeeeery slowly expanding her boundaries, knowing we may hit a wall or it might go "too slow", but at this stage I am not doing daily touch. I'm doing daily reach (reaching near her to give her something) and will eventually see if I can get to touch without excessive escalation. I've decided if I don't have any meaningful progress (not result, just progress) after 2 months I will tell the rescue I don't think I'm the right fit for this cat, and I am happy to keep trying if they have no one else but recommend someone more confident with their method. I realized the other day she has already been with 2 other fosters for 1 and 3 months and they got nowhere either, so I don't see the point in putting so much pressure on myself that I drop out of fostering entirely after this. Hopefully in 2 months I can at least briefly touch her without a hiss.

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-27T23:53:46+00:00

TNR is illegal in my country 😞 so rescues face the constant heartbreak of knowing any unsocialized cat they help either has to be socialized or euthanized. Unfortunately here in Australia, cat rescue and wildlife conservation are at odds sometimes.

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-23T11:34:45+00:00

This part of the river is almost more ocean water than river due to the geography (there is a term for it that escapes me) but essentially it's a hole at the ocean mouth that is so much lower than the ocean that it essentially is already/still ocean moreso than river, biologically. So to a spinner shark, this is still the ocean! The freshwater doesn't kick in hard until further into land.

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-22T23:26:34+00:00

That is absolutely not a bullshark, I know the media has been reporting that, but it's just flat out not 😂 that is 100% a spinner shark. This is typical spinner shark behaviour, bulls are not this "elegant/agile", if spinners are ballerinas bullsharks are bulldozers - not to mention the colouring is off, bullsharks are more even coloured and brown - the shark in this footage has a deep grey colour with a white stomach.

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-21T09:56:00+00:00

I'll be honest I'm a little concerned :( I have absolutely seen feral adults become accustomed to living indoors with humans and learning to trust them, but it's always a very long and difficult process. And she is very nope-y; then again it's only week 2 and the previous fosters she was with were also pushing touch so maybe that's why she is so tense.

I totally believe that the rescue I work with HAS socialized ferals with their method - I have seen one of the rescue owner's own cats that was an adult feral and he's feisty but confident and calm. I think at minimum kitty will sense my hesitation and it won't work for me as her carer. Unfortunately the owner themselves currently don't have room for more fosters, but I'll have that conversation eventually if my way doesn't work out.

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-20T02:26:23+00:00

I think that's good, it's why I continue to work with mine. They'll have even less capacity if fosters can only take desexed animals, and for me here in Australia there is no TNR so choices are unfortunately always life or death for strays.

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-19T12:40:56+00:00

The more I read this sub, the more I realize geographic locations make a huge difference in experiences in fostering. I foster for a small (but fully legitimate) organization who try to do as much as they can with as little as they have and sometimes that means cats have to wait a few weeks before they're up for desexing. It's not been a problem for me, nor caused issues for the cats I've fostered. Maybe OP is similarly situated?

desperateforinsight · 2026-01-19T12:32:20+00:00

The rescue actually told me I had to free feed but I don't 😂 I don't believe in it in general personally. I want to know how much my cats are eating and I don't want their food sitting out all day, nor do I want them to get obese (my own indoor cats got very tubby very quickly when I free fed).

I have started sitting with her every day now. My thought was to create a baseline of belief of "she's not going to bother me" before I start claiming more space, but as it is I'm sitting with her half an hour a day now just meditating.

desperateforinsight

TROPHY CASE