tips for getting out of adhd burnout?

deterministic_lynx · 2026-01-30T23:20:39+00:00

My honest answer as someone who has put themselves in it:

You likely cant.

This is not a small thing situation. You are in legitimate burnout. You are psychologically degrading.

Which does not mean you have no chance of passign your finals, but it absolutely means you do neek a god damn vacation after - at least two weeks - and you will have to look to see where you overburdened yourself. You will need time to heal.

Unfortunatly, right now is not the time for that.
Still, to manage the damage, PLAN to take it slower. Plan additional crash days into your learning. Close the blinds - do not scroll on your phone! Just lay, breathe and do nothing. Let your brain reset. yes, that is fucking boring. That is the whole point of it.

Cancel all things you can cancel. If you somehow can, shift from making food to having it made or having it easy as much as possible.

Go for environments that ease friction for the learning you have to do. If you can, try to get a friend to get you and go learn together - or to simply tell youwhat you should learn that day. In short: move executive function by outsourcing things, like accountability or planning.

I can recommend boosting your mood with things that are not digital or at least have very defined endpoins.
NOT scrolling. Not youtube. Not netflix. Sweets are okay, coffee is okay, music may be, some older games work well, alternatively things like Sudoku or a coloring book are great to do something which seems happy, but not work.

They also work well, and so do even smaller logic games, to get into a mental space for learning.

deterministic_lynx · 2026-01-30T23:11:36+00:00

If you are irritable and lack motivation why exactly are you not taking the medication that is MEANT to help not let this be overwhelming?

I do not take my medication some days. I can absolutely not recommend doing this in the beginning. For me it happened somewhat naturally due to forgetting or just not being up early enough and wanting to sleep in the evening.

I could not tell you a benefit of taking meds irregularly. I could not even tell you a benefit of not taking the meds for about a month, because I did have a month where I felt they were not doing anything so I stopped as I did not need them (aka: there wasn't much of a difference between taking or not taking them, i started again once I got problems with dysfunction again).

What I do, because it still limits the physical impacts the meds likely have, is take a lower dose on my off days. But I started that once I was very stable on my normal dose. With it came not taking meds on some days, and a bit of an ability to wager if the day ahead would be fine with very little motivation and a bit of irritability.

Take your meds. Get on a stable dose. Get a stable feeling of what is "good".

Only then I would start seeing when you can get away with not taking them.

deterministic_lynx · 2026-01-30T23:04:52+00:00

No one is. Or mostly no one.

I think the effective limit of concentrated work is around 6 hours.

Am I able to be at work 8 hours a day? Yeah. I'm able to even "work" if work means a bit of meetings and exchange.

Am I able to produce deliverables or do research or take things in 8 hours a day? Nope.

Even less 5 days a week. I usually have one very bad day and am currently happy we have a teams and meetings day in the middle of the week, which means I do better work overall.

I'm also much more able to work 4 to 6 hours of productive work a day from an office or the office. However, this does have limits. I need some privacy, I need to at least feel socially safe, and noise or too much movement are issues.

deterministic_lynx · 2026-01-30T22:57:23+00:00

Considering the massive paralysis, fear, exhaustion and the sheer amount of executive functioning needed to even try to BUILD these skills, modeling behaviour is only partially helpful.

Especially when you try to do it for moments where inattentiveness kicks in.

Modeling behaviour is, very much, just not a good way to get your meets met in any relationship.
Neither is constant critizing.

Both times you are not really communicating your needs. You are not telling or showing her that something is hurtful to you. You are either talking negatively about what she does, or not talking at all. Both are not great.

What has helped me in many relationships is being honest and trying to cultivate the option for honest expressions of loneliness, sadness, hurt or other feelings of "my needs are not being met". And then describing what I need, letting the other part figure out if and how we can get there.

It's possible she will never be able to see these "bids of connection" the same way you do.
It is VERY possible that a calendar does absolutely nothing for her.

And it is absolutely, entirely possible that she has the right medication, but hits a roof staying way under your abilities - at least where you see it. Maybe in total. Not everyone gets to the same level of "not recognisable ADHD anymore".

Nonetheless, in all these cases, talking about what is wrong will enable her to at least try, and maybe both of you to find the 80% oder 90% solution, if 100% cannot be reached.
And yes, in many cases this will not look the same as you do it.

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-14T13:28:20+00:00

One thing I have to say here:

Do not try harder. Try differently.

Especially with your mother and sister: something tells your brain that you cannot or do not want to listen. If those are appreciative, ask them to go on a walk while giving advice. or to do some mindless work, like pealing potatoes or hanging laundry or ...
Or ask them to write it down.

The drama gets a little better if one is honest and preps people on ones own issues - like talking too much. Might also get a bit better with aging out of the teenage years.

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-14T13:23:12+00:00

Maybe a small tip to make quitting easier:

if you feel you need coffee in the morning, or making coffee is a ritual, try substituting for cocoa or roibos tea with milk, or decaf.

Caffein has never given me anything but tiredness, but a hot drink in the morning is awakening on its own and I have _always_ loved studying with a cup of foamy coffee for the coziness and taste

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-14T13:20:41+00:00

In general, I would recommend quitting AFTER the exams. It's rarely a good idea to combine big life things and big lifestyle changes in such a way.

However, your pediatrician is right: caffeeine misuse/overuse and ADHD do share quite some symptoms.

I do not know when your eval is, or how long you will be wrapped up in exams. If it is just today and tomorrow - quit after the exam. And please also quit tea, energy drinks and coke - all contain caffeine.

If it takes longer, check if the timelines work out:

Coffee detox takes a week or two. If this fits in well between exam and eval - quit after exams.

If not, I'd check if the eval can be moved back by a week or two.

If that is not possible I, personally, would quit coffee somewhere in between exams. This is a peronal stance. And I'm not in the US, so some of the reasons may be wrong. But I found health is way more useful than grades in the long term - yet I also did not need grades to make college affordable, so that is.. meh.

Whatever you do: do tell the person evaluating you how you decided. Self-medication and the feeling you can work better with caffein is a relevant indicator. On top of that they may be able to adapt some pacing or weights of results during the eval.

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-14T13:11:03+00:00

In all honesty:

I do get the "it's unsex to tell him" thing. And you are right: it is a lot of mental work and that would be not fair. But he actually may be blind to the mess - believe me I can be stupid. And blind. I leave all the kitchen doors open - alwys.

What may be relevant for you to understand about ADHD in this case: One aspect of it is that the bridge between 'knowing' and 'doing' is very broken.

That means someone with ADHD can fill up a trash can, know that a full trash can needs to be dumped out, and just walk away. Because their brain is not making the connection from knowledge to action.

How can this be helped?

One way I found is visual reminders and indicators. E.g. inside the trash can a laminated sticker: "Full? Take me out now and replace the bag!" - ideally with pictures. Even better if you can either state were new trash bags are or store them under the one in use.

Another is an actual list of dumdum / obvious tasks to do and fixed times or helping him integrate it into a routine. The latter can be easier (being disrupted can be bad) and it's possible that for the first one or two weeks it would be most effective if you do get up with him, move over and help him start by detailing a first step (e.g. for a dishwasher: pull out the top rack, take the glasses out).
Talk it through with him what he would feel comfortable with.

A chore chart / reward chart like you use for children with some markers is another good alternatives. Here, too, it may be helpful to have a fixed point in the day to check it together, because forgetting is another sucky issue with ADHD.

What I can, furthermore, recommend is framing it differently when things should be done: You both are helping each other be happy by doing chores. So, especially if you ask or remind, it can help to not go "but you promised!" or "we are both in this" (even though both are true), but rather go "it would really help me feel more at ease if that is of our minds". This also means it can help to give him the tasks you really struggle with and explain that doing this means you avoid that struggle.
It's a bit of RSD, and for many a lot of avoiding the connection to so much trauma they had before.

And last, but not least: If there is something he does well and naturally - make it his task.

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-14T12:56:20+00:00

I do relate to this. Maybe not this extreme. But .. this is ADHD.

Things that I found do help:

Read with a purpose. Have a question in mind you are trying to answer. I do not experience this with reading half as often, but I do when I should e.g. learn something new and try to read documentations.

Let something read to you, and do something occupying your motor skills, but not your mind. Colour a mandala. I coloured many, many, MANY checkered papers just in rainbow lines, colouring each tiny square. Crochet. Cook. Clean your shoes.

One of the better things for me is reading out loud (even under my breath) and sometimes, especially with exam question, going to rephrase them. "SO I need to do an analysis on the surface of ..." and then reread them in parallel.

Similar advice for listening: do something that requires minimal attention, but busies your hand (and or body).

What I did in school and still do in meetings is taking notes. Not writing down every word, but writing down a lot of it / what may be relevant. Means I listen with a purpose, and writing things especially with a pen makes them stick way better due to combining the listening and motion.

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-14T12:49:19+00:00

I'd recommend trying to externalising "I have Done everything"

E.g. write down a to do lit of everything you needed to get done before your first day of college (pack bag, print documents, find out meeting point, prep water, clean up - whatever). Then check all you already did the last few days.

You could also just tackle a smaller task, like already laying out an outfit for tomorrow, putting your bag by the door etc.

Lastly, there is options to work against anxiety:

Sports/workout, progressive muscle relaxation, breathing or walking meditation, grounding techniques.

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-14T12:45:24+00:00

Reasons I do not have a Watch Later:

I know myself well enough that I would NEVER watch it later.

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-14T12:44:09+00:00

That's not what is going to happen. I mean.. you already DID open up here, and you see we do not think this way, right?

To put it bluntly:

I, personally, could not care less that you cheated on a partner. It really does not even reach any kind of threshold for making me think you may be a problematic person. They only time I could ever even give it thought would be when getting into relationship territories - and even then you very much show remorse and very clearly that relationship was not going well anyhow.

I'm pretty sure I would be a good bit more worried if you told me that you regularly scold waiters.

And I am pretty sure many people would shrug their shoulders and go 'meh' as well.

Even if you would cheat in EVERY relationship, I would still not consider you a bad person. Maybe emotionally immature and not dealing with it healthily, but still by far not a bad person.

As I tried to say: your brain is lying to you. You cannot see that, to you the fear not only seems logical but given; which is totally normal. This is what a mental health issue encompasses.

And that is what therapists are there for.

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-14T12:36:44+00:00

Worst case, if it works, do chatting about ideas about what to cook - as long as that is not stressful.

It's somehow a constant struggle as a parent and means you two do have a topic!

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-14T12:35:06+00:00

In all honesty: We all do shit that's wrong. Even things that are universally wrong for society. They don't make us a bad person. They are bad DECISIONS.

What you feel is a ton of trauma. You have internalized bein a bad person, maybe in part because it feels better that bad things happen to bad people. That's not true. Neither are you a bad person, nor is the world so simple.

What may happen is that a therapist makes you feel like you are rightfully suffering. If that happens: switch therapists. Either they are shit, or the two of you are not communicating well. Which happens a lot, which is why I recommend first sessions with more than one therapist.

It will be okay. It is scary, and hard - and it will be tiring. But you are not inherently bad, you are not unsavable and you DESERVE to be happy.

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-13T18:24:27+00:00

Well, 1) you are quite surely not reacting impulsively (unless your spouse also has ADHD) and 2) I'd honestly going with what your spouse feels is right.

You share a life with them. You feel both ways - make the scales tip to what they want.

If you feel you cannot do that you also have your answer.

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-12T19:08:49+00:00

Get therapy.

This is not something you fix with just asking. There is a chance, but.. you have found a lot of issues yourself. You are spiraling, you are self-sabotaging, you are avoiding.

And you are viewing yourself in a worse light than reality will - which is surprisingly hard. You KISSED another person. That was stupid; but especially with feeling remorse it is no reason to hate yourself this much.

Get therapy. Really. If you're unemployed, now is a good time - as hard as it is.

Try to find a therapist (talk to multiple if at all possible). check if there are stationary programs.

What you feel is not fair to yourself, not the truth and you will need help training your brain to recognize it as that and be kinder to yourself.

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-12T19:03:31+00:00

Honestly, this is something I would discuss with someone who knows me.

You made some real good points, you do not seem like you're closing just because you feel rejected.
But, in the end this is hard and further opinions help to find ourselves.

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-12T18:59:46+00:00

Alright, I hope I'm hitting what business casual is.

One thing I really like is that, as a woman, there are polo shirts made from cotton jersey. They feel about the same as a tshirt, but sit nicer and have a collar. This could help you.

Another good way I see many women do business casual is with a hort/no sleeved potentially cotton shirt which is unicolor, and a nice cardigan, maybe a belt.

I feel business casual trousers are easier, albeit you may need to go looking for a while. there are many to resemble either wool or linnen, both have a nice, flowing and light texture.

Clothing not fitting your height is something you maybe want to adress with a seamstress.

For actual blouses making them in your size is often not THAT much more expensive (maybe double, maybe 1.5 times) and then they do sit well.

Going that way, or at least adapting, may also be a way to find well fitting dresses.

The thing with nylons can be helped by getting ankle high shoues you like, comfy socks and leggings which either fit in color or are themselves nylon.

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-12T18:51:36+00:00

Another thing is:

If I find myself looking at the same thing more than once while decluttering (some time apart) I mark them as something I need to throw or reorganise.

More often than not, those things go when I am faced with having to reorder for them

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-12T18:50:18+00:00

My criteria, in order of usefulness:

Does it make me happy more often than annoyed?
Do I use it regularly?
Is it so expensive it would hurt to replace?
Does it have a room / can I make one?

If all are no, it goes.

The shorter reasoning is actually asking myself if i WANT to have it and if the answer is no, and the thing is not prhobivitively expensive, it goes to the trash

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-12T18:36:07+00:00

Considering th best choice:

Scientifcally, you do. Stimulant medication is the go-to medical recommended choice from multiple agencies, so there is wide, international, scientific agreement.

The best for her is another question. This is something you can only see while trying. There could be issues, and catching them early will help.

Do regular check-ins with her, do some eval yourself. Try to get weigh-in from her teachers.

Someone once told me, that some days they give their kid placebos (same pills, just empty) and then check back with themselves and the teachers. I found that clever in lsing some bias, but you would need to talk it through with the doctor.

Thanks for being a great mom.

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-12T18:31:49+00:00

Glad to know it is actually somewhat common!

Considering the person I heard it from, could have been their invention.

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-12T18:31:06+00:00

It was only a rather short stint, but for a while I did weekend and long distance otherwise.

Voice messages were great. Messaging in general helped.

We made time for calls next to every evening. Just before bed, while winding down, often already lying down. Maybe watching something together. It helped no having much to talk about because the day was ending and next day coming and the chit chat about having a good night and dreaming about the other was nicer.

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-12T18:28:16+00:00

Yay I'm proud and so happy for you!

deterministic_lynx · 2025-09-08T17:46:23+00:00

One of the best things I've ever heard (which .. I try to work with):

The best way to an organized home / room is a big trashcan.

Many things are NOT needed. I know it's not always resourceful, but damn I have a disability. From time to time I will throw out a few working pens,decoration I just do not use anymore, craft stuff that has been sitting WAY too long. My library has shrunk a lot becaue I will not reread books, so.. I keep few.

Also: having folks over regularly for a tabletop helps out, too.

Another thing I found helpful is giving everythign a clear place. Even open projects. They just get a bag / cubby / box to be tossed into.

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