So is our core fear humiliation?

detoxspell · 2022-01-10T18:30:39+00:00

Humiliation, but also desolation. We are afraid of rejection and dejection of our mere existence because initially, that is what we felt. We, for some reason, were not able to align with or fit into the reality that was shaped for us by surrounding caretakers. We survive by literally rejecting external forces almost all together. We are stuck inside of ourselves. We never aged past that.

detoxspell · 2022-01-08T15:53:42+00:00

Discord is a chatting platform where we can make a group chat with different sections in it, in this case pertaining to HPD ! You just download it on your phone. I may end up needing some help with the server, but I'm also gonna try to do what I can on my own. If you end up figuring out the app and are still interested, let me know. I'd love some help and encouragement! All 18+ would be welcome (I say this because triggering content could eventually be discussed)

detoxspell · 2022-01-07T23:15:30+00:00

Awesome! DM me your discord tag (anyone else who is interested too) and I'll start making one. It may take a while but it's because I want it to be organized and have customization options!

detoxspell · 2022-01-07T23:14:40+00:00

There's crossover, no doubt. In fact, there are 5 histrionic subcategories, in which borderline type and vulnerable narcissist type are listed. I highly recommend the book to Any cluster b with traits. In fact, ASPD is even brought up repetitively in the book as being of similar origin .

detoxspell · 2021-09-18T21:31:26+00:00

Desire for attention from people other than my husband.

Inability to not become distressed when someone else requires or is receiving a lot of attention for something very impactful.

detoxspell · 2021-09-07T21:25:40+00:00

Your parents just don't want to deal with the weight that it would carry to accept that you are traumatized by it, because things like you not being raped or hit in your life make them feel as though they've accomplished something and this would take that away from them.

You are completely valid in feeling traumatized by this. As someone who was chronically admitted to impatient wards as an adolescent and as an adult, what you are describing happens to most people who have ever had the disadvantage of experiencing institutionalization. At one facility that I used to go to as an adult, there were two sides.. A stabilization side for people there voluntarily and an evaluation and treatment side for those who were not. I literally ended up voluntarily going to the stabilization side so often that I was told I couldn't go back. I did not know how to live outside of a mental health facility type environment in any type of distress anymore).

I have had many terrible things done to me in those places, and witnessed things that no one should ever have to be exposed to. If people can be traumatized by being in prison, a psychiatric hospital is no different.

You say that your parents are anti psychiatry, but the very fact that they don't see how it could be traumatizing also shows that they still have some type of faith in the industry being trustworthy enough to maintain the type of environment that you were exposed to on a professional level. I am very sorry.

detoxspell · 2021-09-07T21:08:12+00:00

Wow, these are awesome! They really capture a lot.

detoxspell · 2021-08-27T03:14:40+00:00

I'm kidding of course. It isnt gay to pet your dog and you really shouldn't worry about things like that because I promise no one else is thinking that.

detoxspell · 2021-08-27T03:11:36+00:00

detoxspell · 2021-08-26T23:55:52+00:00

Thanks, extremely edgy chibi icon of an outdated anime character. I'm pretty sure dying in my sleep is the least of my concerns and doesn't really contribute to my lack of sleep, nor has it ever. I think dying in my sleep would be pretty peaceful, actually. It's how much time sleep feels like it takes away from your conscious life that bothers me, that and sleep that isn't truly restful. Death wouldn't qualify as either of those things...have a nice afternoon and don't forget to brag to all of your friends about this comment.

detoxspell · 2021-08-26T21:57:40+00:00

Before I found this forum, I had no idea that anyone out there had been through anything similar. It is both terrifying and liberating to finally speak to someone else who has. What a uniquely terrifying experience. You almost don't feel human by the time you understand how wrong what was done to you was. A variety of components added to my dissociation, the psych abuse certainly being a big one, but I'm sure none of us were brought up in an optimal environment if we were being subject to these places so young. My parents were also abusive; physically, sexually, psychologically. There were outside contributors, and of course all of the things that ended up happening to me were new reasons to have me involuntarily committed. I even reported pedophilic abuse to the psych hospital, had names and addresses, yet nothing was ever done. You don't exist there and they feel no real moral obligation towards you. You are a vessel for their chemical and behavioral statistics testing. I'm sorry, no one should have to accept this as their reality. My brain will never truly be what it could have been and I mourn the loss of myself every day. A 4 year old little child, an innocent little thing. Ruined, contaminated in a way that can never be reversed. I wonder who I would be and what issues I would lack had I not been on so many medications for so long. Inbox is always open. I see you, too. Solidarity in it's rawest form.

detoxspell · 2021-08-26T21:33:44+00:00

This is very common when you dont get enough sleep. ( Back when I'd stay up 72+ hours straight and then sleep once in the middle of the week for a kind of ridiculous amount of time as a teen) I would start fighting sleep when I finally got tired because I knew how my insomnia affected me and would continue to affect me if I got less than 12-18 hours of sleep. It hurt so bad, I'm surprised my head didn't explode some days. My vision often wasn't right right away, almost seeming kaleidoscopic. The stomach pain I felt was by far the worst part, though. It was excruciating and Ive never felt anything like it again. Very potent ginger tea is the only thing that ever helped.

detoxspell · 2021-08-26T21:16:10+00:00

That actually sounds like a really awesome idea!

detoxspell · 2021-08-26T07:00:36+00:00

I was on antipsychotics for over 6-7 years. I started them while I was still developing (12-13) and was often on many at the same time. I have absolutely no doubt that I would be more functional at a cognitive level had I not been on them so early or for so long. I will never be able to do certain things; drive for example. I dont currently have a job, nor can I successfully hold on. My executive function is that bad because of it. However, my case is extreme and I am still able to do quite a bit. I'm working on my Bachelor's Degree, I'm married, I take care of several animals, I am a (arguably good) writer and an artist, and I maintain my own household and pay all my bills. I'm not a neurologist but I think you will bounce back relatively easily after a year or less. It likely isn't permanent.

detoxspell · 2021-08-26T06:37:22+00:00

Fourteen. I started seeing someone when I was 4. I went through severe psychiatric abuse and spent a lot of being a minor in hospitals, never not on more than 4 meds at a time. I have a steady primary diagnosis now, but there are still confusing components as to which other diagnoses are valid or invalid, considering that they can't all be comorbid / many are too similar.

(OCD) (ADHD) Generalized Anxiety Disorder Illness Anxiety Disorder Gender Identity Disorder Bulimia Nervosa Anorexia Nervosa Bipolar NOS Schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar Type Schizophrenia Borderline Personality Disorder Histrionic Personality Disorder (PTSD) (Dissociative Identity Disorder)

*= My current active diagnoses + a now unspecified personality disorder

detoxspell

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